The doors of the elevator opened with a typical ding, and the usual wooshing motion as most elevators do. This despite the atypical stair count. One Hundred Three.
"I must be insane.", I thought to myself as I stepped onto the skydeck floor of the Sears Tower(I refuse to use that other name.). Immediately, A sense of overwhelming emotion overtook me. The skyline I gazed down on...was not one I was used to.
"No, this isn't right," I thought. "This is not home." To the left was a lake, not Brooklyn and Queens. To the right, endless landscape, uninterrupted for as far as I could see, not the Hudson river. Most jarring of all? What lay in front of me. It was not the Flatiron, leading to the World Trade Center, eventually offering a glimpse of my home of Staten Island. It was more skyline, this time with a lake end capping its reach.
Yup, I definitely wasn't home anymore. This fact I had known for at least 24 hours. Hell, I knew it even before we entered Chicago. I knew it when we, that being my friends and travel pals(re: willing victims), Chris and Lauren stopped along I-80 in front of a sign that proudly exclaimed, "Welcome to Ohio!"
We would later discover the exclamation point offered far more hope then it should have. You see, Ohio is a wide empty space, not to unlike donald trumps brain. I do believe a travel guide of Ohio would be as fun a read as a book on the history of tissue paper. I had to think long and hard about that joke, because not much can compare to the monotony of a drive through Ohio. Maybe C-span?
I'm sorry, I trailed off. That's likely because I left a part of my brain somewhere back in Ohio.
I was taken aback by my emotional response. I didn't quite understand it, and I still can't fully wrap my mind around it. It was almost as overwhelming as the intense vertigo and unbalance I felt atop that building, but not as strong.
Two weeks later, after recanting the tale of my trek to the Windy City, I've been greeted with another response. One of raucous joy. One of my friends pounded down on an exercise table, seemingly more excited than I was. This surprised me even though I've found this to be a common thread, and today I was told why. "You don't go anywhere, you live in a bubble."
This much is true. I do live in my 5...well...pretty much 3 borough bubble. I don't get out muc...well...ever. Being in another timezone, even one right next to mine, was a first for me. Having deep dish pizza was a new experience(one i'm still trying to wrap my stomach around, though it wasn't bad), as was seeing a fire truck with a black top.
That's life when you have Asperger's. It's a type of Autism. Some of the symptoms, at least a few of which I have; include a difficulty in maintaining relationships, an inflexible adherence to routine and self sustainability, an extreme focus on a subject to a point of obsessiveness, and environmental sensitivity. I was sadly diagnosed with a learning disability later in life, which made pinning down the exact type difficult, but, with research, its been made a little easier. Sadly, however, this is just the tip of the iceberg of my medical troubles. More on that another time, maybe.
My main purpose for the trip was to work Comic Con Chicago, or as its lovingly called, C2E2. I would use whatever skills people thought I brought to the table, be they wearing a fire helmet for hours on end, or yammering on about my new camera to the point of exhaustion, as I once again managed autographing department for another con. The, "Con-Life" we call it, cognizant of the fact we are likely never to be mistaken for hardened criminals.
The secondary purpose for the trip was to fulfill my brains desire to see the, "Second City" I'd been so obsessed over for years, even though I couldn't, and still in many aspects still can't figure out what the pull is. It's as if some unseen force is telling me to find or do something there. I still don't know what that, "something" is, and i'm not sure when i'll find out.
One thing however, did dawn on me. One reason this journey took place was my need to get out of my bubble. This was my brain's way of telling me, "This is where the journey starts." Why it chose Chicago first is anyone's guess. Perhaps its the similarity to New York, as to ease me into the trek. Maybe there is something more for me there and I simply haven't found it yet...maybe I found part of the puzzle. Maybe it's preparing me for greater things when I get to Washington D.C. later this year, I'm not sure.
I am sure of one thing. Despite every thing holding me back, i'm grateful to have accomplished what I once thought was out of my reach. Hell, even the day of, I was still convinced it wasn't happenning.
I'm happy it did. I'm happy I breathed in the cool Lake Michigan air. I'm happy I got to hug Ryan and Brittany. I'm happy to have met Enrique and Toni. I'm happy I heard the little Gelfling laugh. I'm happy I got to experience life an hour slower. I'm happy I that I want to do it again, because, in my mind at least, that means I did something right out there, whatever it may be.
I'm happy that all of you are happy for me, because it means, despite all my shortcomings, despite all my problems, I still have friends. There is happiness in friendliness, but glory in friendship, and with you all at my side, I have glory days ahead.