I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing lately, back to 2 points of my life, relatively recent times for some reason, and I’m not sure why.

For a while now, I’ve spoken to some people about the summer of 2001, particularly the days leading up to September 11th. For some reason, I don’t remember much, if anything about them. A lot of people said “Well, you can’t remember every part of every day.” I realize this, I just find it odd that almost that whole summer is missing. I saw a documentary on the 2001 World Series and it mentioned that the night before the 11th, the Yankee game was rained out, but I honestly don’t remember that. I think one of the things that really set these thoughts into motion is when, a few months back I was looking through my Amazon.com wishlist. On September 10th, 2001, I put a book about the World Trade Center on the list.

Its probably just an eerie coincidence. I was watching another documentary(Yea, I watch a lot of them.) where they showed the towers at night, a few days before the attacks, and life just seemed simpler back then and I miss it. I miss those buildings.

There was a brief snippet in the documentary that showed a saxophone player on a city street at night, and you can tell it was one of those hot city days. Not brutal hot, but still steamy, and I miss that too. That’s probably due to the fact the temperature around here has averaged about 10 degrees the past couple of weeks.

But when I look back at “that time” it seems almost bizarre that it was only 7 years ago. In the grand scheme of things to me at least, 7 years shouldn’t be that long ago. But when I see these images, it just seems like centuries ago.

There is another delay with the Freedom Tower, which now seems as if it will never really get built. A lot of outsiders, not all, but a lot, seem to think that all of the delays are meaningless, and I’ll admit, sometimes I did too. But when you look at the big picture, you’re looking at a piece of land that is more then that. It is not a piece of land, it is a grave site, a crime scene and holy ground all in one, and no one answer will solve all the problems…and yet no one can seem to find any answer to any of the problems.

The other “time” I’ve been thinking about is when I worked in Manhattan at Hanley’s and again, I don’t know why.

I suppose part of me misses my daily commute into the city on the ferry, working across the street from the Empire State Building and though I’ll probably regret saying this, part of me misses Hanley’s? Not the store so much as the people…and not all the people, hell not even the whole time I was there, just for some reason the spring of 2003. It is immensely bizarre, but I can’t seem to get past it for some reason.

I think I need a vacation.

Saturday will be the culmination of years and years of studying and practice for me. It is on this saturday, January 20th, 2007 that I will take the written entrance exam to become a New York City firefighter. My dream will finally, after years of painstaking preparation start to take shape. It has not always been an easy time, some times I have felt completely lost and desperate. During those times, i'm reminded of what Captain Timothy Stackpole once said.

Captain Stackpole was a firefighter in FDNY Division 11. In 1998 he was fighting a fire in Brooklyn when the floor gave way and he plunged 10 feet below, and was covered with burning debris. He was burned over 30 percent of his body, to the point where just the act of bending his legs caused extreme pain. His rehab was hard and long, and he could have easily retired with full benefits and then some.

He didn't. He came back to work, and when then fire commissioner Thomas Von Essen asked him why, Timmy simply said; "This is where I want to be." Captain Stackpole returned to work a few days before September 11th, and was killed that day.

If someone who suffered way more then they needed to can come back to the job because they love it that much, I damn well can get this job. Timothy's is one of hundreds of stories of the guys who didn't make it that day, and many of them have pushed through all sorts of adversity to reach their dream, and you better fucking believe I will too.

There's a sticker i've seen on a lot of the trucks and in the houses, and it says "FDNY: Still the greatest job on earth!" And I can't wait to be a part of that job. I know for a fact that it is not easy, and not always glorious, and there will be moments of absolute horror, but with them come moments of unimaginable pride. I want this more then anything I've ever wanted before, and nothing worth wanting ever came easy.

Tomorrow would have been my mom's birthday, and I know she would have wanted me to have this and i'm not just doing it to honor everyone in the city or in the FDNY, i'm doing this because I know how much she would want me to have it. And I know she would be proud of me.

Today I found out that NASCAR legend Benny Parsons lost his battle with lung cancer. I had the immense pleasure of meeting "BP", as he was affectionately called. I knew him, he, obviously didn't know me, yet he took the time to sit with me and just talk cars and racing for an hour. Me, a complete stranger, and him, a legend in his field. He treated me like he knew me, and I admired that, he was a down to earth man who kept true to his roots and what he loved. And to be honest, i will really miss him. He kept fighting till the very end, and I will too.