Sirens Of The Twenty Fifth Amendment

    By my very rough math, It's been 9,131 days since September 11,2001. I've written dozens of these blogs in the years since...and some of you will not like this one. I don't care, I'm not writing it for you. 

I always talk about the smell and how I will always remember it. Or I bring up my connection with the FDNY, harkening back to kindergarten. My class went on a trip to Engine company 159/Satellite 5. As the trip ended, they got a call and quickly boarded their rig and tore out of the firehouse. I knew right then and there I wanted to be a firefighter. 

While that dream might have been taken from me, I found new purpose. I found new people. Just like that day. A day that began with such serenity and innocence that we have not seen since. We were thrust without warning, into the center of history. 

We became new people that day, more unified and at the same time more fearful. We swore to, "never forget" and to, "rebuild, stronger, better, learning from the mistakes of our past." We vowed not to let fear overcome us. We were, "united in freedom." Nothing has looked the same since we awoke from our slumber that day and looked into the heart of darkness.

Oh how far we've fallen. Freedom has been replaced by a shackling of our basic human rights. I find myself disgusted in many - not all - but many of my, "fellow Americans." You have let the dissenting voices of a madman and his evil brood warp your minds. There is a darkness at the center of this. It is a darkness that has encroached a like plague.

They told you that he would clean up the country. He claimed, falsely, that people of another race, "raped and murdered civilians."  That was his opening salvo in what has been an embarrassment of incompetence. Thus began a never ending and systematic take down of every core ideal that our nation was founded upon. From the denial of women's rights, to innocents....children, caged like animals. He has injected baseless fear into the minds of once decent, normal citizens. A fear that has turned into a malaise. We let it fester. Now it's here and it wants to stay. 

Since then, an all out assault on civil rights, science, education and basic civility have reigned. Now there are agents of the state in American Cities. These thugs, hide behind masks, and carry heavy assault weapons . They have killed and captured American citizens. We have done nothing to stop it. These hit men have killed mothers and daughters. They serve the whims of an unstable maniac and his brood. This is not America. This is not a nation united.

It is flat out exhausting at times, to try and count the daily atrocities committed by this gutless scum.

His mindless followers say they're doing this, "to honor the ones we lost." When in reality, they are doing it based on their own mis-informed fear and hatred. 

Once, he took a blind eye to bounties placed on the heads of American soldiers. He sent in government agents to fire weapons at peaceful protesters. They were then strafed by a U.S. military helicopter, in the middle of a major American city, the nations capital no less! The same capitol desecrated by an angry mob led by his followers.

The holder of the office of President of the United States of America should have the nations best interests at heart. This...inhumane being has no heart.  He cares only about himself and his own interests. The president must be ready to compromise and negotiate. Instead, he has chosen insults and bullying. Is that what other Americans want to be known for?

His constant attacks on medicine and science have already led to a deadly disaster. They will undoubtedly lead us precipitously close to it again. He and his followers have continually made baseless and confusing attacks and accusations. These put the future of the human race at risk.

My doctors, like all others, have dedicated their lives to helping & saving lives. They have all gone through years of schooling. They've sacrificed family, friends, and relationships - to ensure they're at the top of their field every day.

With his regime in power, countless Americans have lost health coverage & died. I could have been among them, My Parkinson’s makes me one of the many who have what they call a, “pre-existing condition.” So, essentially, what I’m saying is anyone who voted for this prick wants me to die. 

How many different kinds of despicable does this feckless piece of trash have to be until those who voted for him realize they've been lied to? The economy has not gotten better. No jobs have been created. Worst of all, basic civil liberties are actually under threat. 

The color of someone's skin, their gender, who they chose to marry, or their ability... or lack of ability should not be anyone's defining characteristic. What should we define a person by? The moral content of their character. Yet he and his followers have none. 

A united nation listens to its founding ideals, two of which he attacks on a daily basis. The Right To Free Speech and Freedom of the Press. 

Immigrants are not the enemy. They are not illegal. No human being can be, "illegal."

Women are not the enemy. 

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Queer, Non-binary, Transgender, Cis-Gender People are not the enemy.

Science and History are not the enemy. 

The press is not the enemy. It never was. They reports the truth, which is something that terrifies this tiny man. 

Canada is not the enemy for crying out loud.

He should not have been able to run again based on overwhelming evidence pointing to his absolute & total guilt. That alone should have been more than enough for people to realize how corrupt the wretched scum he is. 

Many former high level staffers from his first term have painted a picture of a chaotic mess. It was led by an off the rails, self serving, egotistical maniac. How many books were, and continue to be written?

Thanks to him, we are less united than ever before. Our own government is failing us and our most trusted allies no longer have any belief in us.

We have forgotten what we learned following September 11, 2001.. Instead we've openly welcomed the oppression of our ideals. We have embraced a fascist ideology. One we thought we had vanquished decades ago. 

The fabric of trust between the government and its people has been torn asunder. He's following the nazi playbook to the letter. He preaches hatred under the guise of, "necessary" change,. Actual change is what he fears. 

The ground beneath our feet is crumbling under the weight of this ongoing dystopian nightmare. It's orchestrated by billionaires and bureaucrats like him. Our worst sci-fi nightmares come to fruition. Their regime is a disease that thrives in darkness, it thrives when we ignore it. Fighting is our only chance. We cannot be consumed by what divides us any longer.

Is this who you want leading our nation? Those who voted for him. I beg of you to take a moment to look inside yourself and ask, "Does he stand for the same things I do?" Is a man who mocks handicapped people one who I want running the nation? This...man who labels countries, "shitholes." A coward who then insults and threatens cities in his own nation, is he the right choice? This..."man" who brags about sexual assault and ignores women's rights. Is that truly what you, or your children want? Look within yourselves and question if you honestly think this is the right track.

This needs to be stopped. These same elements of corruption have continued this course, unchecked far too long.  He's betting on the naïve and weak minded to stay in power. 

The change we actually need is for this regime to crumble at the might of truth, reason & democracy. Throughout history we have seen empires rise and fall. Yet, even the highest leaders, ones with absolute power, crumble. It is time for this dictatorship to do the same. In defense of liberty, we have to fight. 

This cannot be the new normal. This is not OK. We as a human race should march forward as a society, not regress. We simply need the resolve. The pure grit to fight back. That's what you do when faced with a bully. You dig in and you say, "No." Sure there will be times when the battle is a seemingly insurmountable. But the summit of any mountain is within reach, we need to work together to get to it back. Hate, oppression. Fear and intolerance? This is not what America stands for.  

I love my country. That said, I, nor any of you should recognize a government that tries to silence its own people. He has tarnished our image and made a mockery of us on the global stage. He has done nothing but make us a shameful shell of a once great idea. Other countries, countries that stood by us as allies are watching us now with pity.

He is evil to the core. The only thing that evil needs to succeed is for those are good, and pure of heart...to sit by and do nothing. We can make a change, we don't have to take this. We cannot despair. The anguish that is now upon us is the result of the bitterness of a man who hates human progress.  

Things can be good again. Just like that time 25 years ago when looked into the heart of chaos and chose the path of dignity and hope. You see someone fall, you pick them up and you carry them. 

You are Americans dammit, You are human beings!  You, the American people, have the power to make life free and wonderful again. There are more people who are in the shadows, questioning the ruthlessness of this madman. For you, it is time to step free from the cloak of fear and stand up to fight for what you know is right. 

America was founded on one principle above all else. That is that we fight for what we believe in, no matter the odds or consequences. The problems we all are currently facing can be solved. But, we have to do it together. It 's said that a person can do anything once they realize they're a part of something bigger. Well, you are a part of that something bigger. We all are, and now is the time to show it, to become a part of that bigger, nobler cause. It’s built on guile and sheer willpower.

Even the smallest acts of hope help push the sun through the darkness of tyranny. You see, tyranny requires authoritarianism. However, authoritarianism is brittle. It cracks at the first sign of opposition.   

A friend of mine lost her father and uncle that day. Did she seek to belittle and tamp down the rights and beliefs of others? No. She became a nurse. One who swore an oath to care, and to do no harm. She didn't hide behind the mask of fear and hate. She choose the path of kindness and of helping all. 

With hope - together, we can do anything we set our minds to. This includes bringing peace to our society again. In the name of freedom. In the name of Science. In the name of Gender and Sexual equality. In the name of Immigrants rights, Black rights, and human rights, we have to fight this. We are fighting for a new day, a new world,. One that is free from the grasp of an absolute lunatic. We have to fight for a world of reason, a world where progress will lead to the utopia we know we can be. One of reverence and resonance. A world we wish we could return to. Where flags fly with pride, not prejudice.

Freedom is a pure idea. It occurs without instruction. 

We have seen the strength of ideas when they are made real. We must make real are these self evident truths; What unites us can and will be far, far better than what divides us.  

The American flag waved proudly following September 11, 2001 was not one of arrogance. It was one of pride. Pride in our nation, And it is my hope that we can eventually reclaim what we have lost.

The tides in history are impossible to predict. A fire was lit on that dark day 25 years ago. It should not be remembered as a fire of destruction, but as the flame of hope. 

It's A Magical Place

To say I feel different now than I did on this day in 2014 would be a gross understatement. 

You see, on November 19th, 2014, I was officially diagnosed with Early Onset Parkinson's Disease. And with it, embark on a journey that currently sees me here, "celebrating" World Parkinsons Day.... During Parkinson's Awareness Month.  

It's not really a celebration. 

My left side doesn't agree with me that much anymore. My left foot, at times, curls up into a claw, digging itself into the top of my shoe. My left knee locks in place, slowing my once powerful running stride to the point of which I often have to stop walking after 15 min just to give my body time to loosen up.

My left hand, well it sometimes shakes like the San Andreas fault line(that's right kids, San Andreas is more than a video game or a movie with The Rock, is the reason building another in California is a nightmare.). My fingers lock more solid than the recipe for my families iced tea. That's never getting out again, I can assure you.

My arm, sometimes locks out, violently at the elbow, like a flag catching a strong wind gust. I'm waiting for it to dislocate, because, hey, 6 total dislocations is a round number and I like symmetry.

This is not to say that the Deep Brain Simulation Surgeries didn't work. They did, beautifully, but they, like any surgery for a neurodegenerative ailment... Has it's limits.

How're, is the symptoms I didn't know much about, that have reared their ugly side.  

My anxiety disorder is at times crippling, with overthinking, over-analysation, and over-examination taking over. It's a gift and a curse. If you travel with me, you can rest assured, I've researched & charted every entry and exit point, the most effective one, the nearest hospital, firehouse and police precinct and best portable food option nearby. This means, "making it up as we go," not an option. 

This means I'm constantly worried about everything. If you're well and safe, if you've eaten enough and how comfortable you are around me. I'm basically the worst Italian grandmother.

My speech, never something I over thought about has been compromised. Now fast and low, I went from co-hosting a podcast to being fearful of saying more than hello sometimes. That, however is being slowly but surely rectified by the supremely talented Dr.'s Bradley Hoff and Brittany Palmer at Mount Sinai Union Square. 

Mount Sinai. I don't know where I'd be without them. From my first neurologists, Dr. Servert & Dr. Deegan, to my rocks, Dr. Katherine Leaver, who knows how to use her head to get a malfunctioning tablet to work. Every team needs a leader and when they made her, they destroyed the mold. And the calm, cool and collected Dr. Joan Miravite... 

These people are my ride or die. They're my Justice League, my Rebel Alliance, my Olympic Team. Think of a great historic group of individuals, real or fake. My team beats them. Through& through. Hands down, my team will come out on top. Give them a second, they're good. Give em an hour, they're unbeatable.

When I think of unbeatable teams I also have to look to Samantha and my physical therapy team at Jag physical therapy. 

Sam has been stalwart with fixing me when broken, which happens more often than not. I'm fairly sure there's only one other human who she interacts with me than me on a regular basis, and frankly, only one other human can likely understand just how kind she is. To her lil Red Dog, His luck at finding her for his human is something more special than words. Her love for that pooch is something I wish you could all find.

Her other teammates, like Sam"the Sequel" (who is hopefully celebrating a very happy birthday today.),Teresa, who assures me, I'll one day grow to be a Swiftie. 

To the team of aides who are loyal beyond words, like Joe, who I'll now always call,"Captain America" (hey, his arms make me feel safe, ok?), to Terry, who reminds me of a young me, if life had gone right for me. 

The many others, Paul(who somehow made my shoes work... Probably the socks.), Gino and Andrew, Mikhael, Dave and Kasia. Andrew, Mike, Chris and Chris and Jess, and Justin and Chelsea and Joe. Dan & Ebenezer, Ali & Dan again. You're dynamo's.

And where would I be without the front desk? Aqsa, stoic and whip smart, whose random knowledge is second only to mine, and will sadly soon depart for a future of lifesaving... Chyna who knows how to really fix the Millennium Falcons Hyperdrive(with Reese's.), to the absolute heart of gold, total basket of sunshine Danielle, who always makes time for my weather reports.

Nicole and Farrah, Melissa& Ebony. You're still missed.

It's a cast of literal hundreds that has saved me, picked me up from my falls, both literal& actual, that is the reason I'm still here. Too many to name, but everlasting in my mind and soul.

Perhaps it's a stroke of luck that Parkinson's has put me on their orbit. 

While on the topic of orbit...it would be unkind of me to not recognize the parallel in my team and that of the 4 Legends who returned to earth last evening. Christina, Victor, Jeremy and Reid - our newly minted, "Emotional Support Astronauts", you'll never see this, but enthralling was the only thing I could say as I watched, with the world, as you showed us what dreams are like, when made real. Thank you. 

It's people like these who give me the strength to push on. And people like Jessie Graff and Lindsey Vonn, who push their bodies and minds-that also make the impossible seem within reach. 

Sure they may be walking a path far different from mine, but the message they put out there through their own struggles is the same: hard work is great, but you won't get there without sheer, unfiltered willpower. Those two women have a grit& inner fire I could only dream of. But for once, I'm not going to dream. I'm going to use their example as inspiration. 

I'm not not going to be an Olympic skier, and I don't think my elbows would hold up to a Ninja Warrior course, but that doesn't mean I can't become a better version of myself. 

Watching these two women punch through injury after injury, refusing to stay down when pushed...its easy to say it's inspiring, but it's another thing to act on it. And that's what I'm gonna try to do. 

Parkinson's means there's no definite path. It's tough and uncertain, but one thing I'm sure of, is that, I have to try. After all, I have Parkinson's, it doesn't have me. 

Room 43 - Eye Exams

   Eleven years ago today, I walked out Mount Sinai Union Square with news that, while not shocking, still came with a body blow. "We have determined, through our weeks of testing, that... unfortunately you have Parkinson's Disease."

It would take a few years for the words to really sink in. Actually, I'm pretty sure they still haven't, despite the 3 brain surgeries, multitude of medications, and countless doctors appointments (if, "full time patient" were a career, id be a CEO by now.)

It's been difficult lately to organize my thoughts. Not because of the disease, but because this time of year has always been chaotic. "Did I get the right gift for person A?" What about person B?", followed by"what if I didn't get enough? What is person C already has it?", "I need to make sure I get enough flour for the cookies," and so many other thoughts. It's kind of a good thing. It keeps me busy and gives me a sense of normalcy and routine, of purpose. 

Purpose is something I desire. I'm not sure if I'll ever get it, truly, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. 

As the years since my diagnosis have picked up and almost literally flew by, I have been witness many changes in the world. Some have been good, others not so much. But one thing remains constant. That is the power of a good slice of pie.

Be it apple, key lime, cherry, or even pizza, pie brings people together. I believe a great slice of pie at the right time can solve the mysteries of the universe.

I have found that homemade apple pie is the highest of quality. You put your heart and soul into making it, and you can come up with something that will really get your mind cleared. It's not crazy, though it may sound that way.

There's just... something about the effort behind it. It's not a quick make. You have to go to the store, pick out and buy the perfect amount of apples. Then you have to go home, peel them, dice them, mix in your spices. Then comes the crust. I often find this to be the most difficult part. Though sometimes I get it right on the first try. That's when I know it's gonna be a good day. Evening just seems set. Everything is aligned.

Then there are the days with multiple tries and fails. The days where you constantly break the dough, or it's too thin, or the apples aren't sitting right, it's just something that didn't go right. That's usually a tough day. That's why apple pie is such a rare treat, you don't want to risk having too many bad or good days. Too many good days make the pain of the real bad days that much worse. At least that's how I see it.

I I'm will never pass up a good slice of homemade apple pie. 

Next up is your diner cherry pie. Now I have some rules attached to this, no surprise. 

I define a diner as a place that's open 24/7. Caveats can be made if they close at 10pm or later, but anything that closes at 6 and calls itself a diner should be avoided. 

Secondly, the menu should have multiple pages, or if it's one sheet, it should have 4 columns, no less. 

And among those columns, there should be at least 4 varieties of pie. Even though it won't matter, cause you'll be getting cherry. And it should be warmed. 

Cherry pie is to me, the Pinnacle of diner food, followed maybe only by a good burger. 

Cherry pie is the conversation starter. It's what keeps you at the table long past the main course. It keeps you engaged in thought. It's the last part of the meal, but the epiphany waiting at the end is worth it.

Next, we have Key Lime. Key Lime pie is the top rung of the ladder of pies. The elite. I know you expected me to say,"chocolate," but no no. Key Lime it's the most important of life pies.

First and foremost, you have to wait for the right season, usually summer. Summer is my favorite season. The days are long and full of promise. The heat warms you from the bitter cold days of winter, when the light fades at 4pm and the dark seems endless. 

The Graham Cracker crust just thin enough to protect the filling. It reminds me of that transition from adolescence to adulthood. That blurry patch where you don't know if you should use your paycheck to buy that new book, or put it into your bank account. 

The filling of a Key Lime pie should always be tart, but not overbearingly so. Just enough to make your tastebuds tingle. It tastes zingy and smooth. It's refreshing, just like that summer morning when you were a kid, where the day child hold any one of thousands of possibilities and the sun warmed your doors just enough to let you know that adventure lie ahead. That's what Key Lime pie is for me. 

Is it a but much? Probably. But so am I. And for that I make no apologies. 

Something else I've learned in these past 11 years is that, much like pie, in order to let life play out optimally, you have to be very precise and careful with how you approach it. If you give it up too quickly, you're not going to enjoy it as much. But if you stay and savor the moment, not only will your belly be full, but hopefully your life will be full.

To Hope.

Return Zero

    It started innocently enough. Replying to an online ad about a temporary-one weekend job working at New York Comic Con. It was a, "meh" job at first, one I hadn't planned on expanding upon. 

Still, I applied for it again next year and began and incredible journey that ended Sunday night, October 12th, 2025, after 15 years of walking the halls of convention centers from New York City to Chicago.

Time, and mainly my body, dictated it for me. I'd like to continue, but going into this year, i'd told myself, and been told by many others, to, "listen to your body."

Well, mid-way through Sunday's shift, my body had made its decision, and with mass amounts of pain, I came to the conclusion that I simply cannot do it anymore.

For years now, as my Parkinson's symptoms increased, i'd push through them and soldier on, trying to set an example for my fellow con crew, most notable the newer, younger ones, who, at times, showed a lackadaisical, careless approach to the job. I wanted to show them that sometimes you have to work through the pain.

Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but it was still work. Work I took seriously. Whether it be corralling a line of hundreds, eager to see Chris Evans, or helping direct a lost con-goer to the right booth for that toy they were looking for. I tried, and hopefully succeeded in doing the job, and doing it well. 

I'll always wonder what happened to that guy and his friend in the wheelchair. I wonder if the friend ever got better.

What I didn't expect at first was the ever growing family of friends i'd develop from all of this. People who would shape my life in so many different ways. The staff leads that i'd work under, and eventually become one of, offered me guidance and encouragement that I still utilize. 

The kid from the west coast who lives the life of a roadie, all pretty much in NYC. Her affinity for cat-sitting is matched only by warmth and kindness she has for her friends. Fiercely loyal, she has talked me off many a proverbial ledge, and her friendship has been one of the few constants that has endured throughout the years. her boisterous laugh is eclipsed only sometimes by her Squee of excitement.

The man who took me under his wing and helped form me into a seasoned, well trained veteran is one who simply doesn't know what the word, "rest," means. This guy who, at least in our sector of the universe, coined the term, "Con-Life." This man gives with no thought of reward other than to see the smile that comes with one of his much-loved bear hugs. He instantly makes the energy level go up. You want to work for simply because you feed off his happiness.

The man from the bellows of New Jersey who says some of the most uncouth things, and follows it up with something so eloquent and from the heart that it will make your head spin. Despite his often dark attire, his positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine.

The "Crew-Mom" from Queens who isn't afraid to call out others on their nefarious ways, but has the heart and soul of of a dove, and yes, that is a bird watching pun.

There's the, "Salty-Cow," who once trudged through Lower Manhattan for hours with me just to get a good photo. I still remember how good that gelato tasted. Her legs often feel the aches and pains associated with her love of soccer, yet she still uses them to walk the halls of cons nationwide.

The guy who gave up all sense of sanity to drive to and from Chicago with me, and loves baseball probably more than a roomful Yogi Berra impersonators. You shall forever more be known as, "No-Photos Guy."

The man I nicknamed "Hightower," after a "Police Academy character. His broad shoulders are outweighed by his massive capacity for empathy. He like me often, "threatened retirement." I only hope he finds as much peace as he seeks.

And to the one who visited me in the hospital, which while not my sole memory of, one of the most notable...aside from her effervescent, always smiling attitude, she lights up every room she's in, and she just married her ultimate match. May your days from here on out be filled with happiness.

To the snack queen who always made sure we were fed, and always made movie night...or day...a extra special treat.

The crazed theater girl from Long Island, whose sometimes manic energy is something I wish I had in me. Despite us being equal in age, she has the stamina of a 10 year old on a sugar rush.

Then we have the girl from Washington D.C. Yes, that one. She would be the one who drove me mad in both good ways and bad. Never vanilla, never boring, always keeping me on my toes. I didn't think I truly knew what, "Chaotic Good." meant till I met you. I'll never look at an oscilloscope the same way ever again...and wherever you are, I hope the Quinoa is palatable.

So many people, so many faces.

From Chicago, a man of such passion and goodness, yet so humble he simply can't realize how much good he brings into the world, and when he tells a story, everyone stops and listens, and not simply because his accent is like butter, but because deep care he has when he tells it.

Another Chicagoan who, at first, I had a completely different opinion of, and showed me, very fast, that people are not always who you think they are, and that is a good and powerful thing, and even though, i'm not his first favorite Jedi anymore, i'll always be his favorite voice on the radio, K.

While on the topic of friends from the midwest, I shouldn't leave out the girl who brought me donuts, smiles and the infamous, "list of good and bad people." 

The crazed cat owner who supplied for the feline family by driving an Uber and deeply enjoying New York Pizza, despite hailing from the Second City.

The list is seemingly endless, of those who have come into and out of my life during this time.

There were the guys from New England, who, like a pair of overly zealous bouncers, enjoyed being in the thick of a massive crowd of angry, frothing geeks.   

The one who was among the first to learn of my diagnosis, yet pushed me to do a challenge that, while it didn't end exactly the way I wanted it, led me on another path to meeting some of the most important people in my life. I don't think she realizes what good she did.

The one boss who became a friend that expanded my skills as a photographer all in one epic year. Now retreated into the gardens of Connecticut to a simpler life of family. I hope the coffee sleeve collection is still going strong.

My second "Con-mom," who probably doesn't know how much a simple phone call meant to me, and the one who had the best exit, complete with a crew shirt that saw many a signature. I'm still waiting for that radio story.

To The guy who gave me power, despite barely knowing what I could have done with it, and trusted the keys to a crazy guy from Staten Island.

The insane mad scientist in the making who loved to climb things, and never did think the lemon joke was that good.

And the girl who went from fake tanks to real tanks when she decided to fly helicopters and get shot at instead of discus who would win in a fight, Batman or Wolverine?

From the guy in the hat, to the girl with the Google glasses.

From D.C. again, now in Jersey...a guy who won't let a building locking down stop him from his mission of ensuring a good time is had by all.

The other guy from Queens who would become one of the best cosplay photographers in the city.

even the person who couldn't quite make the best of final Jeopardy. 

And to the two girls from L.A., who most recently made this geeks Con-Career that much more powerful, I owe you a lot, and will not forget how much you helped me recently.

You and countless untold others will be part of some of the best years of my life. Twenty Two years ago, I swore i'd never pick up a comic book or watch a geeky movie ever again. This a result of having something I held dear ripped away from me. The scars of that year still fresh. But like all scars do, they healed, and though their memory still lasts, I became a stronger person from it. 

When I returned to the geek life, as I call it, I entered the water like a frightened child. Once a 3 foot deep swimming pool, geek culture had massively expanded into a bottomless ocean, one in which i'd need more than a canoe to navigate. 

When I started working Cons, I again felt like a small fish in a giant sea, but this time, a community had helped me grow and I am forever thankful for it. I look back at those exciting few minutes before the doors would roll up, and the thousands entered the halls, as us being the Knights of King Arthurs court. We were in Camelot. A place where heroes go before fighting evil. And even though we weren't fighting evil, we at times, fighting an epic battle.

While to some it may seem silly...to be this bent up over a job that consisted of maybe up to 15 days a year. You don't understand what it truly means to share the field of battle with some of the greatest people you will ever meet. 

It was Zach Braff's character J.D. from the show, "Scrubs," who once said, "Endings are never easy. I guess I build them up in my head so much they can't possibly live up to my expectation and I just end up disappointed. I'm nto even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here. I guess its because we wanna believe what we do is very important. That people hang on your every word, that they care what you think. The truth is you should consider yourself lucky if you get to make someone, anyone - feel a little better...and even though it felt warm, and safe...I knew it had to end."

I am incredibly sad that this had to end. I'm tearing up as I write this...but I am so, so, so happy I got the chance to live it.

Luke's Very Excellent Don't Die In The Heat Tips!!!

 Hey everyone, it's your favorite weather geek, back to entertain and enthrall, while informing and protecting you all, because no one watches the news or weather nowadays due to the fear of, well...just everything. Really.

Now keep in mind, I am not the official, final word on weather, nor am I an authority. My training comes from years of studying, watching forecasts & some experimentation. I am a registered storms spotter with the National Weather Service, but am NOT an employee. 

At the end of the day, I am a highly informed, good looking, single, educated weather-smart individual. I have correctly tracked, and predicted storms in the past, including Hurricane Irene& Sandy. My forecasts, as well as my cooking, have been sought out by many.

Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, the forecast.

Next week, actually this weekend, starting on Sunday, 6/22/25, the east coast, especially the NYC metro area, will be experiencing high temperatures. Thats an understatement.. Tuesday alone, some forecasts are calling for the temp. to be 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Thats 41 Celsius for you...weirdos. Many of us haven't felt heat like this in a long time, especially since the last 9 or so years have felt like 40 years. In fact, the last time NYC proper.(The official weather station is in Bethesda Castle, in the middle of the park, not the geographic center of the city, which is in Woodside Queens, where it should be, but I digress.) was in 2012, and we all know how well that year went.

"But what about the heat index?" You may ask. Well lil Timmy, you idiot, I personally don't buy into the heat index or the wind chill. If it feels like 130, its not, "112 with a heat index of 130." It's 130. I don't care what they say. I don't have a wallet index. I'm not carrying around $5 but I feel like I'm carrying $400. No, i'm carrying around $5.

Now with that fresh in your minds, there are some very important safety tips that you all need to follow, especially you old sacks, and youngins'. Now pay attention, this, unlike airline safety briefings...could save your life, as well as those around you. (You don't have to use your seat cushion as a floatation device, just find the nearest fat person. They'll most likely be wearing a trucker hat.)(if any of you actually wear a trucker hat, I'm not sorry, I just really don't like those things.)

1.  Know the Signs of Heat Illness- Heat stroke occurs when the body's temperature rises too quickly, which can lead to death. Y'know, that thing that Keith Richards keeps postponing. Call 911 or go to an emergency room if you or someone you know has the following symptoms:

• Hot, dry skin that's so damn leathery I wanna wrap ya around a baseball with a rubber band and stick ya under my bed to break you in. Congratulations, you look like a purse.
• Confusion, hallucinations, and disorientation (If things look even more strange than they would as an average New Yorker. This shouldn't be too hard to figure out.)
• Loss of consciousness or being unresponsive.
• Nausea or vomiting (Just avoid being in the spray zone yourself first.)
• Trouble breathing (If they sound like Darth Vader, get help. Do not call Disney. Right away that is. Call them later and tell em' how good "Andor" was.)
• Fast, strong pulse.
• Weakness and Dizziness (also side effects of a night out on the town with me.)

Also be on the look out for Heat Exhaustion, which while not as serious as Heat Exhaustion...is still very dangerous and not to be taken lightly.

2. Talk to your doctor about your risk to extreme heat. Different conditions can raise your risk-  If you're like me(and holy crap do I hope you aren't...except in this case.), you speak fairly often, with medical professionals. They, like many of us, went to school. Except they didn't fall asleep in Trigonometry...or spanish...or....well you get the point. 

They went to extra school, or as its better known, Med-School. They got that extra training that some idiots think doesn't mean anything, except that it totally does and faccebook is a liar, you really, really need to log off and listen to your damn doctor already. I'm fine, it's all good, count to ten, deep breath...

3. Air conditioning is the best way to stay safe during extreme heat-  This shouldn't be too hard for many of you. Go to Home Depot or Best Buy(They still exist, I checked.), and get yourself an A/C now if you don't have one, or if you want 3 of them, it'll help the economy.

4. If you do not have A/C, go to some place that does.- Plan to visit a family, friend, or neighbor’s home(cause who doesn't wanna mooch off a neighbor and their pool.) or find a free public place such as a coffee shop, mall, library(I especially recommend there, it's like the internet minus the porn or ad's.), or public atrium you can spend time in during the day.

5. Extreme heat can cause power outages. Plan on it.- If you're lucky enough to live in NYC, like me, you're also unlucky enough to have to deal with Con-Edison as your "power supplier." In the very likely case the power goes out, because, lets face it, it'll happen(you remember what happened in 1984 when they shut off the protection gird in lower Manhattan??)...Have supplies on hand. Notify your utility provider immediately. 

Now, if(when) the power fails, remember this, electricity is the only thing separating us from the animals. If the power goes out, it'll be like someone threw open the gates of hell. 

Your precious cell-phone(yes that device you're using to read this now is actually a phone! I know!!)will likely need all the battery it has, because who knows when the power will come back? Seriously, we could maybe be powerless for a few days. Here are some other important things to remember:

• Conserve to prevent power outages. Set your air conditioner thermostat no lower than 78 degrees. (we all know you're a rebel though, and will likely set it at 77. Go you. Being bold and all.)
• Use the air conditioner when you are home. If you want to cool your home before you return, set a timer that turns on no earlier than 30 minutes before you arrive. (again, you're a rebel. Set that timer for 29 mins. Danger, we got ourselves a real rockstar here.)
• Turn off nonessential appliances. This includes the phone charger charger and your electric fly swatter.
• Have emergency supplies on hand in case of an outage. If you lose power, notify your utility provider immediately, 1-800-75-ConEd (752-6633) 
• Disconnect or turn off all appliances that will go on automatically when service is restored. If several appliances start up at once, they may overload electrical circuits and ruin your victory. Remember what over-confidence did in Star Wars. 

       5A. Conserve Water!- In the event of a power failure, take shorter showers, or shower with a                    friend. Or fill the tub only halfway and save water. Or just don't bathe and enjoy smelling like a                swamp for days on end. Also;

• Don't run the tap while shaving, washing your hands or brushing your teeth.
• Fix leaks. Leaky faucets alone can waste 15 to 20 gallons each day. It's called a wrench, its not that hard to learn how to use it, hell the cavemen did it, and they were stupid, just like the Geico commercials told us. Commercials never lie. Hey, why does this Burger King Whopper look like a gray hockey puck??
• Run the dishwasher and washing machine only when full, or use short cycles if available, you don't need a full load for your "who farted?" t-shirt.
• Don't use the toilet as a wastebasket. If you do this, you're disgusting any way, but keep in mind each unnecessary flush can waste two to five gallons of water.
• Install water-saving fixtures including showerheads and faucet aerators if you can, even though it's kinda late now, but I understand. You were buying me a birthday gift.

     5B. Put together A Food Emergency Supply Kit Before Resorting to Human Sacrifice- 

        It should have  enough supplies for up to seven days.

• Buy foods that can be eaten with little or no cooking, Trail mix and beef jerky are your friends here. Do you protein, bro?
• Keep food in the driest and coolest spot in your home, like your bedroom. Ohhh!!!!
• Close food boxes and seal cans tightly after use. No one wants to lose salsa.
• Wrap bread(especially Italian), cookies(which really make you look fat, so give them to me.), or crackers in plastic bags or keep them in tightly closed containers.
• Use plastic containers when storing food and buy emergency food in cans, because if there's one thing we've all learned these past few years, plastic is the safest way to anything.
• Store one gallon of water for each person per day.
• Listen to Mr. Freeze & make extra ice. Remember, "The Ice Man Cometh," ...the audience goeth. 
• Keep emergency meal preparation supplies on hand, including:
• Disposable plates, forks, spoons and knives, again, have as much plastic as you can. Just enormous amounts of the stuff.
• Paper napkins or towels, because walking around with BBQ sauce on your face is gross.
• Manual can opener, or just, y'know, smack it with a rock,
• Heavy-duty aluminum foil. Not that light duty crap. Enough to make a hat with. The lizard people are coming. Best protect yourself.
• Sandwich or freezer bags for food storage.
• Cooler and freezer packs. Make it look like Hoth. 
• If your electrical power is cut off, food in your refrigerator and freezer will spoil. Keep your refrigerator and freezer doors closed as much as possible because no one wants to have their house smell like a rancid butcher or the inside of a Tauntaun.
• Use the perishable food in the refrigerator and freezer first. Steak and Ice Cream for breakfast?!?! It's like college all over again, but without the 6am economics of Cambodia course!
• Another example of food to have does include M&M's. Time to test that slogan, "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.(Which I can also say does not work as a pick-up line.)

6. Check on people with disabilities and access and functional needs.- In my "Hurricane - Don't Die Tips" last updated years ago, I stressed on checking on your grandparents, but now I should also amend that to include your parents. They helped you become the lovable lunatic you are, so check in on them, and on people with disabilities and those with functional needs. 

Heat impacts are also more likely to be experienced among Infants and children, so for those of you who have younglings(keep away from newly appointed Sith lords.) Babies & children up to 4 years old are more sensitive to heat. Make sure infants & children stay cool and have enough to drink. Watch for signs they may be getting sick from the heat. 

       6A. Never Leave Children Or Pets Alone In A Vehicle- Even for a minute. Ever. EVER. If it's 107 outside, it's gonna be at least 140 inside that car in 3 mins or less, so friggin check, recheck and do it again. If you see that anyone has done this, you, all joking aside, have every right to break a window and get the kid or pet to safety.

Pregnant people are also very sensitive to heat. An increase in body temperature may bring on labor, preterm birth or lower birth weight. Those who are pregnant should stay in a cool place, drink fluids and take it easy when it’s hot. Also, Outdoor Workers...just don't. It's not worth your life or families lives. We can wait on getting the siding done. People who work outside are also at risk during very hot weather. Water, rest and keeping cool can help workers stay safe. Some other tips:

• Wear light, loose-fitting clothes, or if you're like me, go with your birthday suit.
• Put a hat on to protect your face and head. Just not a trucker hat. We already know how I feel about those.
• Use sunscreen with SPF 15 or higher, and y'know what, get a sunscreen that has as few ingredients as possible. If it has more than 3 words you can't pronounce without using Google, put it back on the shelf.
• Limit outdoor activities to early morning and late evening hours. 1PM is the exact wrong time to go for a 5 mile run. Chris.
• The sun’s rays are the strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., and the temperature is highest between 3 to 6 p.m. on most days. This is the time to bake cookies in your car.
• An area with a natural surface such as grass, dirt or sand will be cooler than one with an asphalt or other impermeable (human-made) surface, which can increase temperatures and retain heat into the evening. Yes, this is the time to roll around in dirt and not listen to your parents.

7. Hydrate- This should be a no-brainer. Even if you're not thirsty. It'll help later. Water, Gatorade(Might I suggest Green Apple?)Do not have soda, coffee or booze(and i'm not just saying that because I don't drink. It is proven that stuff will actually make you more thirsty.)

Some more fun stats for you:

Highest Temperature Ever Recorded in NYC: 106 on July 9, 1936, a year i'm sure we all remember.

Most 100 Degree days in one year: 4 (1966 and 1953)

Most consecutive 100 degree days: 3 July 8-10, 1993 & August 26-28, 1948...hey, I was actually alive for one of those stretches...I think I was at the Jersey Shore

Last time had 100 degree day in August: the 9th in 2001 (103)

Last time had 100 degree day in July: the 18th in 2012 (100)

Last time had 100 degree day in June: the 27th in 1966 (101)

Musings, part one

   I have this thing my old therapist could probably tell you how maddening it was - and here is where I believe one the traits of my Asperger's really shows....I am bound by tradition, routine and schedule. I refuse to bend on nearly any of it...I used to have this thing with the number 13, where i'd avoid it at all costs. 

She made me confront it, head on. She had me write the number 13 on a white board like I was Bart Simpson and...I wanna say, that Lil thing pretty much worked. I can say "13"now and not feel like something bad will happen.

But then this morning, as I was getting ready for work, I looked in my closet and couldn't decide what top to wear...Yea...I know it sounds weird coming from a straight male who's job is to essentially time a bunch of runners... But this is why. The dark blue light jacket is from my marathon gear and the day I dislocated my elbow for the third time this past November. 

My Internal monologue/Asperger's said, "you can't wear that to another New York Road Runners event, hell you can't ever wear that again, remember what happened last time? Yeah, you might not have been wearing that specific jacket, but it's fun the same set,it could have touched the shirt you were wearing that day. What if you fall and dislocate your elbow again for the fourth damn time? What if you dislocate something else? Or what if someone else gets hurt? It's a bad thing to wear. This will bring you bad luck and you know it. Or it might not... But do you really want to take the chance?"

Now you can see a tiny glimpse into my fucked up mind. 

SQ.18

Honestly I'm so alone, sometimes I feel like screaming. Not anybody will hear me anyway.

I like this girl..And I don't know what is driving it. She rarely answers texts and I haven't seen her in over a while... It's highly possible I'll never see her again. And that hurts... The same way It always does...but different. No one knows what is like to put your heart on the line and get nothing in return. It's happened before...each time, not always... It hurts more. 

I'm starting to feel like time is catching up with me. I managed to luck myself through a few years, but now... It's like the run is harder... The stakes are higher and I don't have enough breath or strength as I used to. I don't like this feeling.

I need more.... friends that....I just need people. Trustworthy, good people.

I've had others try and get me into young onset PD groups but what people don't realize is....I don't want to be reminded of what's wrong with me and what I'll eventually become...I know that and I'm aware of it...I want to be viewed as normal as I can be. I'm not denying it. Not at all. I just don't want it to be what defines me.

I'm more than what people think.

The Hope Box

    I have a belief that if you really, truly believe in something, and you really, really, reeeeeally try to make it tangible through any means, you can make the impossible happen.

Maybe I've read too much, maybe I'm still a kid at heart, hell, maybe its my learning disability...but I really need to hang on to this. I've been beaten and knocked down so much that I've gotten used to losing at times, but, I still have hope. And if I can just hang on a little bit longer, if I can endure all this, maybe, just maybe...I can get a chance.

Be steel, be strong, be excellent. 

One Thousand Bricks Of Light

  It might be cold, I might be tired, but I have to keep going. 

I realize going forward that there will be times when the struggle seems harder than others, and days when I feel fine. I know I'll have days where I am alone, unsure, and downtrodden by magnitude of life. But I will keep on going. Random acts of kindness are something that you've proven to me can still drive people. Even the smallest act of kindness inches the darkest day toward the light. Gotta keep movin.

I have been beaten down by life more times than I can remember, yet somehow I've been either too stupid or too stubborn to stay down. I guess I've always been a bit of both, along with a bit of crazy.

I want to shine, I want to be happy again. I want comfort from fear. I want this fire, this engine of hope to rev with better days. There is a fire building, not an actual one mind you, a metaphysical one. It is one that reaches to the depths of despair within the psyche and says, "no more pain. No more hurt." 

This needs grow. It needs to thrive. I wake up early and go to sleep late, wasting time. I can't do this anymore. I have to be fighting for better days.

When l wake up I have to remember to work hard for what I want. It's gotta be me who has to take charge and start fighting. I would rather die for what I believe in, for what I want...than to be nothing. I am aware of the fact not many will see this. Just like I know that the people who do see this might think I'm crazy, and maybe thats true, but the day is not won with conformity, it is won with ingenuity and ambition.

Run, walk, crawl. However you it, you need to be true to yourself, and kind to others. If you see someone who has stumbled and lost hope, lost their way...you do the humane thing and get them moving and you keep them moving until they can't. Make them feel worthy, make 1 person feel like 300.

And then remember this. Progress requires constant effort. It breaks, and it builds. Laziness is the blanket of depression. One day, a time will come when all the struggle and hardship, all the tough days and all the long nights will end. One day something small will become something great.

Clinking The Mugs

Pretty much everything has gone wrong this year, this day especially. Whomever drew, in chalk "bad luck circles" in the north part of Union SQ. park put some actual negative karma into it, because since stepping in a few by mistake, the copy of a book I wanted to get my father was sold out at the 3 bookstores I went to, a pigeon landed in my food, my ferry was delayed, I was coughed on, my train was delayed, I got into 2 arguments with my father and cousin and the lights on our Xmas tree went out.

This christmas just feels like a wash, like...it came on suddenly, i've been caught behind every step of the way and theres no escaping how bad its been.

That's just since 2pm. I'm currently on my futon, where I've been sleeping for a few months - when I'm not sleeping on the couch because I just don't feel worthy of my bed, plus I'm afraid I sleep there, I'll never leave. Not like I'll die there, not that, but that it'll become a "depression nest" so to speak for me and I'll turn into my mother.

I dunno. I just want this year to end but there's no proof turning a calendar page does anything cosmically and then there's the whole 3 thing. 

You Mean Santa Wrapped Them

 I still found myself writing up a Christmas List this year, despite my being full - on "into adulthood" age. Its essentially the same list i've given to family members for years now with items moved around. I don't want to give the list, but they ask for it, and I can't not do a tradition. I don't like asking for these things. Not anymore. It feels so childish and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And do I really need anything? No....well...I do need a new vehicle, and I really do want Jessie Graff, but I don't need another book right now. I don't need a potato chip in the shape of Illinois either. But tradition.

This time of year has always been about tradition for me, more so than any other point in the year. This year however, it feels different. It feels rushed, yet simultaneously tiring. Maybe its the crippling depression, maybe its because Thanksgiving came later in the calendar, who knows really? What I do know is that its been a struggle. To get gifts, to cook and clean, and do it with one arm that is just getting used to being used again. Thanks to Dr. Panov. 

I struggled so much with a lot this year and lost a lot that i'm just done with it mostly. Somewhat waiting for the year to dump one last surprise on me and then i'm done. 

I'm not a fan of surprises usually. they're often bad news loaded, or just not worthy of the term, "Surprise." Then there's always this fear I have that if it is a "good" surprise, I have to react a certain way, and if I don't i've offended the other person. 

This is never my intent however, it's just how the Asperger's or whatever I have makes my mind work. I am also fearful of what I perceive to be hundreds or thousands of people suddenly stopping what they're doing to solely focus on me for that moment. And then I just wanna run and hide. That's why I think the people who propose at like...a baseball game or whatnot are psychotic.

That was kind of a long winded explanation, sorry. But hey, meandering exposition is kind of my thing though, I suppose.

So, I don't think i'll be getting any surprises...but the sick thing is, I kinda want one. A good one anyway, just to kinda send the year off right. 

I want that surprise Christmas kiss or visit from someone unexpected. Maybe if I get that one victory, even at the last minute, all the failures of the year, all the missteps, all the shit...it won't be as bad.  

I need it because i'm worried about next year. Here's where my crazy Asperger's comes out. Or maybe its superstition. Or both. 

Years ending in 3 haven't been kind to me in recent years. 2003 - between losing my mom and job, busting my arm twice, and having my best friend desert me, might have been the worst year of my life.

2013 wasn't much better. I struggled with a work/last year of school balance, and lost both my cousin and my uncle. 

My father and my aunt are up there in age, so theres the constant fear surrounding them. That will keep me on my toes. Then theres the "Chaotic Evil" possibility. The random bad happenstance, that even me, in my master planner mind can't account for. I can't be in a constant state of worry though. It's not healthy, and it's just not sane. I also just don't like it. I don't like always thinking of what could go wrong and say, "I told ya." I hate being that guy. I wanna kick that guy in the balls. 

I want to be the guy who sees good things coming and plans for them. And I hope to. I already plan on getting my "Always Looking Up: The Happiness Project" photo series back up and running, with a new direction and focus in mind, thanks to Dr. Leaver on that one.

I want to at least start a major chunk of the leg-work on the road trip. 

I hope to get a bunch more photo projects done.

So theres things I can focus on that are good. I just need to laser focus on them. (Maybe I should get an actual laser too. That'd be swell. Dangerous, but swell. I really thought by this point in our timeline, lasers would be more commonplace, but we as a species have barely learned how to correctly use an air-fryer at this point so maybe we can hold off on the lasers.)

Another thing thats got me down lately is the crushing loneliness. I get that i'm not always fun to be around, with the arm, the Parkinson's, and the fact that i'm so damn hot its intimidating(I'm also literally hot too, I sweat like a fat man staring at a canoe.), but I need to get out there with people again. 

Sure people have suggested Parkinson's support groups, and yes, i've tried some of them, and they were full of people literally 40-50+ years older than me. Not much shared experience there. Plus, and this is going to sound...I dunno, picky, or just messed up, or both, you choose, but every time someone brings up one of those groups, I feel like they're either shunning me off, or just saying, "Well I don't know what to do with you, so heres some other shaky stiffs," and thats not for me. I don't like being reminded of what I might became in that way. 

I'm not saying i'm above them or anything like that. I just don't want a reminder of, "hey, you're broken." I want to feel like I am still capable of being my old self to some extent.

So then I find myself...by myself. But dammit i'm going to fight it hard. I'm gonna regain that insane but good attitude of no fucks given to the narrow minded ilk. I remember on the first day of 5th grade I drew on my face with magic marker because I thought I was gonna honor Native Americans. In my head it made total sense, and even though it was random, in my mind I was doing the right thing.

I'm a little bit better informed now, and I feel like I can get the same...crux of that message across without the theatricality. But I can and still will do recklessly good. I don't know how, but i'm gonna make things better. Just watch me.

A Hopefully Ever-Expanding List Of Things I Like

 To counter the previous list of things I don't like, here is a hopefully ever-expanding list of things I both like and enjoy:

1. The color green(yes it started because of the Green Power Ranger, Jason David Frank, and this is in his honor now. I told him I owned it better and he got a good chuckle out of that.)

2. New warm socks right out of the dryer.

3. A good long run.

4. A nice long, even balanced phone conversation.

5. Tackle hugs. Or hugs of any kind really

6. Going into a movie you're excited to see and yet know nothing or next to nothing about because you successfully avoided all spoilers.

7. Chocolate chip cookies.

8. Our homemade iced-tea.

9. Plowing through a photo-edit.

10. The smell of summer when the sun bakes the wood.

11. Christmas and most of what happens during it...I feel like this might be a list of its own.

12. Fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken.

13. Superman with the red trunks and wholesome attitude.

14. Color coordinated Lego models.

15. Cleaning my toothbrush.

16. Going out for a day and not sweating.

17. Lower Manhattan.

18. Key-Lime Pie.

19. Starting a book I know will be good and it is.

20. Diner conversations. I Miss those.

21. DSV Alvin.

22. Having my friends succeed at the things they enjoy. I get a real thrill out of that.

23. The score to "Captain America: The First Avenger."

24. When I remember a quote long enough to write it down.

25. Union Square.

26. That first bite of a food dish you really like but for some reason haven't had in a while.

27. The hottest day in July. Thats when its truly summer.

28. Sand castles.

29. Lava lamps.

30. Watching multiple episodes of "This Old House" and seeing the project really come together.

31. Sweet and sour chicken.

32. Tim Drake's original Robin costume drawn especially by Tom Grummett, Staz Johnson, Pete Woods, Todd Nauck and Jon Bogdonave.

33. Introducing friends to each other who haven't met and them actually getting along. It so rarely happens actually.

34. When someone says exactly what you're thinking...its a really good unspoken connection and a sign you need to keep that person around.

35. When I actually get a phone call from someone I want to hear from that usually doesn't call and its good news.

36. Finishing a Lego set.

37. Swiss Colony catalogs. Maybe i'll actually order something from them this time around.

38. A good Nascar race with lots of passing and no crashes. Good luck ever seeing that happen again.

39. Random internet compliments.

40. That shower right after a beach day. 

41. Mount Sinai.

A List Of Things I Dislike

And now, a list of things I dislike, since "hate" is too harsh a word. This list will likely be edited and grow, but hopefully not as large as the upcoming "List of things I really friggin like."

1] The actual color purple. reminds me the allergy medicine I had to take as a kid. Speaking of,

2] Grape or grape flavored things.

3] Half-Zip pullover shirts. Full in or don't friggin do it.

4] Polo shirts. See above, and every guy I see in one looks like a frat bro who needs to be beaten with a fish.

5] Trucker hats.

6] Ankle socks...at least on guys. 

7] Apple. The company, not the fruit. The company is an evil fashion company masquerading as a tech company.

8] Pumpkin pie anything. It belongs on a stoop, not in anything. Especially pie. That is an abomonation.

9] E-readers. I don't have to charge my book or worry its screen will crack if I drop it an inch.

10] Avocado's. I feel like I can just make a list of food, but I want you, the reader to be surprised, which is why we next up have,

11] Nikon cameras. They have terrible customer service.

12] Smokers. They killed my mother. Fuckers.

13] The boston red sox. Look, I might not be a baseball fan anymore, but my allegiance is still to the pinstripes, also david ortiz did steroids.

14] The houston astros. Cheaters.

15] Rob manfred. Ruined baseball in what? 4-5 years?

16] Jimmy fallon. Homer Simpson said it best, "What are you laughing at? And if you say jimmy fallon, i'll know your lying!"

17] When you get the feeling something is stuck under your nail but nothing is there.

18] Bugs.

19] People who don't return texts or calls simply because they're flaky. I get needing time to yourself or being genuinely busy, but 98% of all of us are so deeply involved in these devices, theres no real reason not to return someones communique within 3 days.

20] Math. Still haven't used geometry or whatever the hell a polynomial is.  

21] That itch on the bottom of your foot while driving.

22] Asparagus. It looks like a mutated drinking straw.

23] Pillows that go flat. You had one job. ONE JOB.

24] Credit Only places. Not everyone can afford Visa jagoff.

25] People who DIDN'T watch "The Price is Right" when they were home sick from school.

26] Planes.

27] Guns.

28] Football. Its pretty dumb to call your sport football when most of it is actually "carryball", "runball" or "throwball."

29] Mcdonalds. 

30] Cheeseburgers or Burgers with any kind of "special sauce." Just not my thing, tastes gross.

31] Gift Cards. To me they show no effort in even trying to get to know someone. It says to me, "I don't care about you enough to even ask your favorite food."

Erstwhile Warrior

  It still hurts. Its still raw.

Those were my thoughts as Taps echoed through the rain in lower Manhattan. Three buglers playing, as they do every year.

I remember when I was a cub scout, we would hear Taps being played to signal the end of the day. This day however, seems like it will never end. 

It has often been said that I live in the past too much, that I am nostalgia obsessed and focus too much on memory. This is true, I will attest to that. A few days ago, at a doctors appointment, Christmas was brought up, I forget by whom, but it started a lively, joyful conversation, and recollection of my favorite Christmas. It was actually 2001. 

It was our first year in our new home. That, combined with the events of 4 months prior provided a heighted sense of togetherness and joy. Upwards of 75-80 people were here throughout the day, with parking becoming so difficult at times, people had to park on the front lawn, which while spacious enough to accommodate, did result in a rather..."trashy" look.

Our house was decorated with much holiday joy, my mother made sure. It has often been said that, "Christmas vomits" on our house, something I still take a sense of pride in.

This would be one of the final times in which I can recall 3 of my best friends and I being together as a group. In some way, maybe I knew this was the case, because I was adamant about getting a photo of us together. Since then, only one I still speak to, His is a friendship, a bond, nay, a brotherhood I will forever cherish.

I look back on that Christmas with fondness more so than others, if for no other reason than the fact that many since have become increasingly less joyful. Loss of family members, particularly my mother in 2003, grandmother in 2005, cousin and uncle in 2013, have left a gaping hole. 

Combine this with my own issues leading to my alienation of many friends...and the holidays have become a lonely, melancholic time of year for me. I am cognizant of this fact each year, yet I persist in the traditions in the hopes that I can once again regain that sense of joyfulness and togetherness on which I took such delight in 21 years ago. I am aware nothing will compare to that day, but if I could in some way bring about a new memory filled with positivity and joy, than perhaps I can finally say I have moved on.

This is not to say I will not remember, for memory is, and always will be a powerful part of my psyche.

Each year on this day, I try to keep my morning schedule as close to that day as I can. This is how I choose to honor those lost. Its my own way of allowing myself to grieve, and to cope. I am certain many find this yearly ritual bizarre to say the least, while others simply wish I would get over it. 

To them, I ask, how does the way I chose to mourn matter to you? I try to empathize with as many people as I can. I try to see the world as they see it, this way I can better assist them through their struggles. Sometimes this works, sometimes not One thing I have gathered is that everyone copes differently, and the best way to help that person, is to ask them if you can help.

Though I will admit that over the past few years, this one especially, in the days preceding, I questioned why and if I should still do this. 

Today I saw someone hang a flag outside their apartment window whilst in the middle of trip to the pier I was at 21 years ago. They saw me, wearing one of the only remaining, very worn FDNY t-shirts I still have and gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture and felt...vindicated. "Perhaps people are still remembering," I thought to myself. 

I don't let the memory of the day dictate my life. I no longer carry its weight with me, but I do not simply disavow its existence. So will I return to the pier next year? I'm not sure. There is a whole year ahead in which I get the opportunity to build new memories on. 

There is no time limit on grieving. If anyone is aware of that, its me. While I am doing this to honor, I am also doing it out of habit and routine. 

Having Asperger's makes routine a very large part of my life. This can be debilitating at times, and occasionally I not only recognize the need to overcome these issues, I do manage to make progress. This is due in part to the weariness of it all, combined with a good therapist.   

A few months ago I had brain surgery. It is supposed to give me a new lease on life. Though I am still recovering, I desperately look forward to the chance to make new memories to look back upon. Maybe I will accomplish something heretofore impossible...at least in my mind.

If I could offer you any advice based upon my experiences with this day, it would be this;

Remember that from the bad days, good days and great memories will always prevail. Don't let the negative blind you from the positive.

After The Dawning Of The Day

Where to begin? It feels like forever, but it also seems as though time has stood still. It's been Twenty years since America had 2,977 souls taken from us. Sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends, and lovers. Two decades.

It still in many aspects doesn't feel real. Maybe we don't want it to feel real. 

We were transformed that morning into a different nation. A more fearful one and as such, sadly more hostile. It was a sweetly serene cloudless morning that seemed to promise nothing but goodness. A world we still wish it could be. It offered an innocence we would never see again. We were jolted from a slumber to see the heart of darkness. While nothing, not even the march of time can bring back those who we lost on that morning without reason, let the fact we are here now serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, our darkest days have always been followed by our finest hours.

And yet, here we are, still asking not to judge others by the circumstances of their birth, or color of their skin, but by the depths of their character. We need to reclaim that resolve to be better that the days following that morning brought. It was a time, however brief, when we showcased the strength of ideals when made real. We showed that what unites can be stronger than what divides us. That we can be beaten only when we stop believing in what we wish we could be.  

We were tested and it brought out the best of us. We turned the fire of destruction into a light in the darkness. On that day, we saw total strangers protect us,  And now we ask that they protect us again, yet some don't see it that way. 

These individuals need to come to a realization that science, education, and humanity can all co-exist for the betterment of all. 

Many days It seems as though we can't even survive each other let alone whatever the planet is throwing at us this week. Mother nature is probably pulling her hair out somewhere right now, frustrated at whether or not to unleash another flood before or after this weeks inevitable mass shooting or Darwin endorsed viral challenge. 

We need to be better than this. I know we can be. Hell, we've proven we are. It's not about being a sheep, or following a herd, its not about mandatory this or enforcing that. It's about the continued existence of the human race. 

Twenty years ago, bureaucrats swore that the toxins that enveloped the city were harmless and not a danger. Scientists steadfastly stated that they were wrong, that it was dangerous and contained unknown amounts of toxicity. Since that day, more than 3,000 first responders alone have passed away. 

It's enough to make me want to put my fist through someone's skull sometimes. It's that damned infuriating sometimes. 

But this isn't about me. It's not about one person anymore. We're all in this together. We're a team, and its time we started contributing and helping everyone. The ignorance that got us into a lot of where we currently are and consistently repeating that mistake is not the answer. 

I don't like to come from a place of anger. It's not who I am. I believe in peace, I want love, and I don't care how cliché that sounds, because that is honestly how I feel. But this constant tug of war between two domineering sides of humanity just wears in the soul till that's what remains. We need to be united in a common goal again.

Today, going forward should not be about aggression or hostility. Today should be the first day of the rest of our lives. A rebirth. A day in which we look back at who we once we're and start looking forward of who we will become.

It has been 7300 days since September 11^th, 2001. They have built parks with beautiful monuments with names that slowly stop seeming like real people. They’ve named junior high schools and streets after people. But soon enough it will just be us. We will be the only ones that remember

Let's stop having these tragedies in order to remember people...if that all we can do to honor the ones we loved and lost is be the ones who remember, have we really honored their sacrifice? 

The Kid At The End Of Camelot

    I once remember a John Stewart saying, "If it wasn't for NY1, we all would have cancelled our Time Warner accounts long ago." That was true. "Was" being the key word here because, what the now parent company of NY1 has done is completely deciamte a once venerated news organization. This would come center stage this week with a lawsuit settlement that could very well take the careers of five longtime news veterans.

NY1 news came out of the blue with a then wild idea in September of 1992. The idea was 24 hours of news...not a new concept in and of it self....but it had a twist. It would focus on the five boroughs of New York City. A city that brash and full of itself deserved a network with an idea that bold.

But could New York City fill an entire days news cycle continuously? Surely even, "The City That Never Sleeps" could have a few bleary eyed moments where there wasn't a rat attacking a cab driver, what then? What would fill the airways? NY1's answer? Culture, from Broadway to downtown Brooklyn, NY1's staff always found the best human interest stories. In a city like this, the stories sometimes wrote themselves.

Let us not forget that this is a....maybe "the" sports town. From the Yankees to the Rangers. New Yorkers in the Olympics, and even high school sports, NY1 covered it all. And they did so with a passion &dedication that would put ESPN and other major networks to shame.

Then came the talent. And here's where the real unique-ness of NY1 came to the forefront. Most network reporters televise from the field with a producer, camera operator and assistant, showing up to a story in your classic news van. This van is synonymous with TV journalism, with its large satellite dish and boom, its almost a cliché. 

NY1 however, did things differently. They Realized the accuracy of a story mattered more than the fuzz. They often sent one reporter, armed with a small video camera, a tripod and maybe a MetroCard. this was laughably inept. There was no way a single reporter could show up to a breaking news scene or cover a City Hall presser by themselves. It would undoubtedly fail. 

Except, it didn't. New Yorkers grew to love the gritty, fly by the seat of your pants, no fluff journalism NY1 offered. 

From the almost dour, yet upbeat Lewis Doodley, to the upbeat and authoritative Cheryl Wills, both of whom have been at the station since the start, NY1 had a knack for matching talent to the story. After all, we are a picky city, and can quickly tell when that weather person is from Sacramento or Soundview.

Over the years, NY1 became an institution. The go-to network for most residents &workers. With its always reliable time and temperature box in the bottom corner, and its famous, "Weather on the 1's", NY1 just fit everyone's schedule like a pair of comfortable slippers. 

It's rare that whole news channels get a cult following, aside from maybe The Weather Channel . But NY1 not only developed a fanbase among both the white collar and the working class of the city. Almost breaking a forth wall of sorts, they'd become a pop-culture reference too. 

Featured in films like; "Elf", "Inside Man", "Cloverfield", and "Night at the Musuem", to name a few. It also became part of the NYC TV landscape, featured in shows like, "Third Watch" and, "Spin City." Even LA based/NYC set sitcom, "How I Met Your Mother" featured a character who was a NY1 reporter. To transcend a medium like this shows how well regarded the network is.

In a city where everyone has an opinion, NY1 gave city residents a soapbox to scream from. It all started with late night sports call-in show, "Sports on 1: The last word", wherein the typical radio call-in show was given a visual side.

But maybe its best foray into interacting with the public was the news call-in show simply titled, "The Call." Daring in the fact it gave larger voice to some of the...more colorful of the cities residents, The Call, lasted 12 years. It was, honestly, beautifully controlled chaos. reigned in brilliantly by anchor/reporter John Schiumo. In a time when it was still frowned upon for journalists to openly have an opinion, Schiumo didn't hold back if he disagreed with a callers, or politicians views.

The mornings however, are where NY1 began to set itself apart, and sadly, where the problems started to show. 

Pat Kiernan, a Canadian transplant, started with the network in 1997. He cemented himself as a stalwart in the field. His dry humor peppering sometimes difficult stories was a more human approach. He has won praise and acclaim, rightfully so. Well-liked, he helped create what was an insane idea into something many viewers can't live without. 

"In the Papers" is an idea so absurd it can only work in NYC. The segment, runs anywhere between 5-10 minutes long. In it, Kiernan literally reads and comments on random articles in that mornings newspapers. That's it, a guy on TV reading you the newspaper. And it's absolutely brilliant. His downhome-almost country like charm mixed with the barely jaded cynical city kid that make him a welcome morning face. NY1 became as much a part of the morning routine as hitting the snooze button 30 times.

Kiernan would often be Paired with journalistic Swiss-army knife Roger Clark. Clark could be found reporting from anywhere and everywhere in the city. Sometimes he would cover breaking news in Midtown. Sometimes he'd report from a dog park in Astoria. 

But Kiernan couldn't be there every day obviously, and that is where we meet, "The Five." Kristen Shaughnessy would take over for Kiernan on off days. So popular and well-liked was she, that she landed the weekend morning anchor position. 

Lighthearted but somehow at the same time no-nonsense, Shaughnessy took to the job and made it her own. The Hofstra graduate established a name for herself. She wouldn't  just stick to the anchor desk, she would often head into the field, covering stories on her own. It would be this go-get-em attitude that would see her in the spotlight on the cities darkest day.

Reporting from 2 blocks away, She was doing her job, reporting on the terrorist attack at the World Trade Center. She intently informed viewers of the scene when the south tower began to crumble. Her words, forever etched in time; "Oh its just coming down Pat...I'm gonna run..." as the line disconnected. Kiernan, left almost without words would wait for what seemed like eons. Trying to maintain, he wondered aloud if his colleague was now among the then estimated to be tens of thousands that would not survive. In the background, audible gasps are heard in the newsroom. Visibly shocked and concerned, he struggled to soldier on.

It would be nearly 15 minutes before she was heard from. In the time, 15 minutes seemed like an eternity. Shaughnessy would be among the countless throngs forced to run for their lives. This woman, ran BAREFOOT for blocks, along firefighters, police officers, EMT's. Finding the nearest payphone, she calmly called her newsroom, much to the relief of everyone. She would then continue to report for hours, despite being covered in dust. "You didn't know if the world was ending or what." she would later go on to say. "But there was still this civility and sense of help all around." 

This woman is a journalist, through and through. 

Roma Torre, New York born, would be the first person hired for the network. She became another NY1 stalwart, almost instantly. Asserting herself to be a preeminent force on the team, she took the lead on the late morning and early afternoon broadcast chair. 

Dealing with NYC politics is hardly an easy task. She made it seem simple in the early days hosting "Inside City Hall", the networks political focused show.

But where Roma shines is her absolute and unflinching love for Broadway.  She would utilize this passion for theatre by headlining a NY1 institution, "On Stage." With this platform, she dazzled. Giving well informed, detailed reviews of hundreds, maybe thousands of shows and performances. Her background in the industry would make her an invaluable resource for New Yorkers of all ages.

One of the toughest stories however, would be something that would affect her personally. In August of 2014, Torre announced she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She would take a brief leave absence, but return full throttle, bringing awareness to the disease. The two time Emmy award winner is a warrior.

Amanda Farinacci took an interesting beat. Staten Island. Often regarded as New York's, "Forgotten borough." The hard luck residents of the island are a tough crowd to please. It is Home to the cities only republican stronghold, and the island's blue collar, working-class population. It required a different approach then the big city.

Farinacci proudly showcased the cities most suburban part. She showed it did in fact have more stories to tell than the "jersey shore" crowd most seem to think it coveted. 

Making made inroads with many 9/11 family members, and survivors, she was a unifying voice for many. Utilizing a personal connection to the FDNY, she would be the go-to for all things related to them. 

She would take a lead role in reporting on the cities rebuilding efforts in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

In a time when many negatives are associated with Staten Island, her commitment to her home borough make her bastion of light. With the title, "Staten Island's Most Trusted Reporter", she proved that there are still islanders to be proud of.

Brooklyn born, and proud of it, Jeanine Ramirez covered her borough with the same unabashed pride and bravado as any Brooklynite would.

Taking skills imbued in her from Brooklyn Tech and Fordham, she took a brief detour to Texas before coming home to NY1. She would not just hold court at the anchor desk, but often take to the streets, and not just in the 5 boroughs. The lead Latino face of the network, she filed reports from Cuba, Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic. She continues to serve as one of the leading voices for the cities immigrant communities. 

The exemplary way in which she does her job has earned her multiple awards, including three from the venerated New York Press Club. One of her greatest honors however, was being named grand marshal for the National Puerto Rican day parade in 2002.

Joining NY1 in 2008, Vivian Lee was a new face to the station. Her multifaceted experience in both Canadian and American journalism made her a perfect fit. She is a top notch anchor, but a stellar reporter as well. Driven since childhood to be a journalist, she would fight and claw her way to the top.

She became the first New York reporter to announce the election of Pope Francis. She would later be among the honored few to cover the elimination of osama bin laden. A proud Koren American, she was awarded the mentor of the year award by University of New York's Asian American/Asian Research Institue.

These five women helped build the vaunted status that NY1 carried for more than a quarter century. That status is now being called into question. Time Warner Cable, NY1's parent company was acquired by Charter/Spectrum in 2106. Since then, a series of sweeping changes began.

In a vain attempt to attract younger viewers, new high-tech graphics and sets were made. Additionally, shows and talent were being ushered out the door. Schiumo and "The Call", Lee's "Spotlight", and "Sports on One: The Last Word", on the air since the 1992 launch, were all abruptly cancelled in 2017. None were happy, from viewers, to behind the scenes staff. It was only a sign of things to come. 

For these five, Farriniaci, Lee, Ramirez, Torre and Shaughnessy, this would become the point of no return.  

Following Charter's takeover, they saw less airtime than younger and male coworkers. It was also around this time the network itself began to change. 

In January 2017, Anthony Proia became NY1’s News Director. Later that year, Melissa Rabinovich became Assistant News Director. They then began pushing younger talent into more visible and coveted anchor positions. They even created additional opportunities for younger journalists. This, usually is a good idea when done properly. This, however - was done at the expense of older talent, especially diluting the roles of these five.

A new, morning-news show, complete with multi-million dollar, high-tech studio known as," Studio A" was rolled out. "Mornings on 1", focusing on Pat Kiernan and longtime traffic reporter Jamie Stelter, with Roger Clark was born.  

In contrast, "Studio B", where Torre broadcasted her live show, was older, less equipped, and comparatively inferior. Mornings are typically most watched, this is true. However, the level of attention and support provided to Kiernan was notable compared to Torre, with much less support. When Torre asked Proia why she could not use the morning studio for her live noon show, she was reportedly told to “stop complaining.”  

It was clear the new network heads were pushing the two as a "Kelly Ripa and Ryan Seacrest", and many were unhappy. Gone was the to-the point news of the day, replaced with forced banter and constant social media callouts.

Eventually, it was discovered, that Torre, despite being with the network since the start, was making less than half of her male counterpart, Kiernan.  

Another point of note was the large multi-day celebration celebrating his 20 years with the network. NY1’s promotion of his anniversary bordered on the absurd. It included on-air segments, ad's on city buses and not one, not two, but three food trucks that traveled around the city with him. Roma Torre? She had been given barely a mention, despite her longer tenure. She received no special promotion whatsoever. No bus ad's, no food trucks. Nothing.

This would all culminate in the form of gender and age discrimination lawsuit, filed by the five women in the summer of 2019.

"It fits the rhetoric of 'These whiny old ladies are complaining again,'" Farinacci, told the New York Times. "But this is career-ending, these opportunities that we're not getting."

"It's always there as a woman," she added, noting that female anchors tend to disappear while their male peers get promoted. "How much longer do I have? Where am I going?"

They have unbelievably collectively worked at NY1 for more than century. They dedicated their lives to New York journalism.

Unfortunately, older women and those of color have been continually cast aside for younger women, and men especially. At the time of the lawsuits filing, Charter’s own website showed that only 2 of 19 people in its, “Company Leadership” are women. Of the 14 members of the Board of Directors, there is was only 1 woman. 

Despite Torre’s extensive record, her role suddenly changed following the merger. In mid-2017, NY1 rolled out a new&revamped weekly schedule. This was done without any advance notice or discussion. Her shift was chopped and divided amongst other anchors. 

Since launching "Mornings on 1", Shaughnessy was not allowed to fill-in for Kiernan. No reason was ever given. This is interesting especially since, in 2018, NY1 hired a talent review coach to provide feedback for its anchors. This coach, after reviewing her work, was reportedly shocked that she wasn't given a mid-week anchor spot after years of talent and hard work.

In March 2018, Farinacci, Rabinovich, Proia had a lengthy talk with NY1 political director Robert Hardt. Primary season was in full swing. On Staten Island, that meant the primary Congressional race between Michael Grimm and Dan Donovan would be a hot topic. Farinacci wanted in, righgtfully so.  

She was given assurances that she would be heavily involved. This seemed a given seeing as how she is a island native, and was well liked among the boroughs Democrats and Republicans. She was the first to interview Grimm after his prison stint. She would also be first to break the news that he would be running for Congress post-incarceration. 

NY1 planned the only debate in the race on June 14, 2018. She  believed she would be a panelist, alongside chief political anchor Errol Louis, as was typically the way it was done. But, without any explanation, Rabinovich told Farinacci the week before that she would not play any role in the debate.

This is not how you treat a talented staff. Hell, this is not how you treat a bad staff. That being said, many hoped for a peaceful and proper resolution to the suit. That hope was lost on New Years eve, 2020, when it was announced that lawsuit was settled, but that the five would no longer be part of NY1.

To say this a blow to quality journalism in NYC at a time when it needs it most is putting it lightly. The real issue to note here is the fact that gender and age discrimination is still happening. While some of it might be difficult to prove, its still out there, and it needs to end. We can't let what these women did go unnoticed. 

We need to show the world that discrimination of any kind is retroactive to the advancement of society as a whole. The fact that we are still having this discussion is insane. LGBTQ persons, people of color, and of disability are still face hardships because the wrong people are in charge.

These five women are what legends are made of. They stood up for an injustice. And because of that, they lost their jobs, and we lost some of the best damn journalists this city has ever seen. This is not how you run a business.

Charter has done nothing positive for NY1, or for the cable structure as a whole. Cable is facing its demise. The cable industry needs help. The news industry needs help. But Charter went out of its way to destroy one of the last best things cable news had to offer. We may never see the likes of a NY1 at its golden age ever again, and that's another tragedy.

The fact I, a male, am writing on the topic of a women's rights issue is not lost on me. I have been called a feminist by a few, a "Social Justice Warrior", or SJW by others. I don't necessarily consider myself anything. I do however wish for an ideal society, an ideal place where issues like this don't exist. A place where women and men, or whomever you identify as, are not just paid equally, but treated equally.