I started a blog about a year ago with “So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause.” That line was spoken by Natalie Portman in a Star Wars movie, and I think it’s fitting to apply it to this situation. For everyone who complained and moaned over the past year and yet stayed home Tuesday, this is your reward. Tuesday was the start of a hellish week for me, and it's not yet over.I don't know what exactly tomorrow will bring, but I already find myself dreading it.

For those who supported this ruthless dictator and his gallery of rouges, I hope that you are truly happy with the end result, as it will most likely serve you and your upper east side styled interests all too well.

Yet, for those of us who wanted real change, like myself, this is a bit of a dark day. It’s the day bad guys won. It’s a cold, rainy day in march. It’s the day in which we woke up to realize that hope is really a bad thing, a tease. A cruel emotional torture device.

So as our city slowly slips down the road to which there will undoubtedly be more firehouse closures, more teacher layoffs and an ever increasing police state, I find myself wondering if my city truly wants me anymore. I know have more of an understanding of why “ol’ blue eyes” vagabond shoes were longing to stray.

I was a dreamer, but when a dreamer has that dream taken from them, what are they?

It’s not even just that which leaves me without a sense of purpose anymore. It’s the never-ending frustration that has become my life. The unending pile-on that suddenly came out of no where. It’s a day and night change that frankly, I have trouble with. I've always had trouble with change, but for some reason, this time around, it's harder then before.

And now, here I find myself, nearly totally hopeless and just flat out lost. I had a path, a plan, and it was set and I was ready to go. Now every day is a bigger struggle then the previous, and i find myself faced with more questions then answers, and for some reason, it's harder to get the answers. Every day I feel like I’m one step closer to some kind of a breakdown and I don’t know how I keep myself together. I don’t know why life has suddenly become this hard.

I used to want to help people, I still do, I just don’t know how to help myself. My mind, it won’t stop thinking. Thoughts, all day, all night, it won’t shut down and let me truly rest. I just want to rest for a little while. Just a little. Is that so much to ask?