...A Kid from Staten Island. Sure. Let's go with that. I suppose its good to want to emulate Captain America. Everyone wants to be the hero or heroine, the good one, the pure one, the one with the right moral compass, and especially the one who did it despite all odds. The perfect one who leads others.
Except i'm not really any of those. I'm not a good guy, i'm not a bad one either though. I'm flawed, immensely flawed at times, and while I've never drank, done drugs, assaulted anyone or been arrested...i'm broken. I've said and done things i'm not proud of. But the comics, the cartoons, the movies, they make it all seem so simple to be flawless, even when they show the flaws. The recovery is so simple.
"Hey, here's a hero or heroine with a bit of angst, but don't worry...in 20 minutes, or 20 pages they'll get over it and succeed with minimal difficulty!" It's never that simple in reality. The angst, the doubt, the fear...it always stays with you, sometimes it eats at you for what feels like eons.
Sometimes you get the, "Here's the hero or heroine surviving a 30 foot fall barely a scratch. Watch in wonder as they stand right back up!" Yet I can barely keep my left side from shaking most days due to an ailment I'm too afraid to confront and barely able to understand, thanks in part to a learning disability so hard to diagnose, that my barely functioning doctors on my even less functioning health insurance have all but given up on trying to figure out.
"Now our protagonist will be asked to solve a complex scenario that will ensure his or her's team a victory instantly!" Nice, but I can't keep my mind from running all over due in part to said previous disability.
These are some of the battles I face on a daily basis. These and others such as, "I am to crippled with fear to talk to that pretty girl." or, "Let me check my email for the 3rd time in the past 5 minutes"...or my new personal favorite, "Not going for that job that everyone tells me to get because its a job!, and instead holding out for the job I want." Turns out no one wants to hire a passionate photographer with a B/A in his ideal field when, "we can hire someone with an iphone."
I don't know whats more frustrating, that or the fact that its becoming increasingly difficult to find reliable persons to shoot. You'd think in a city with more then 8 million, you'd find a few willing bodies to pose for a few photos. Apparently not.
Yet despite all this, I do not lose hope. And i'll tell you why, and roll your eyes if you must, but it might make sense. It might not. Just take the ride. You won't get wet.
In a few days, on the 25th to be precise, it will be one year since my cousin Joe, who was pretty much a brother to me passed away. It was sudden, and way, way, way to soon. Now, I know, all 6 of you reading this will either tune out, click away to pornhub or the nearest cat video, but for the 2 of you who stuck around, first of all thanks, second of all, read this with an OPEN mind.
I'm not going to tell you much about him, because, I realize in all honesty, you likely don't really care. That's ok. You didn't know him, you don't have to know his life story, nor do I want to tell it.What I will tell you is this. He easily was the epitome of the phrase, "He'll give you the shirt off his back." This much was true, and I do recall seeing him shirtless a few times. Chris Evans he was not. But he really was that kind of a human. Didn't matter if you were a Yankee fan or a Met fan. Man, Woman, cat or dog. He did this regardless of how it impacted him.
And thats where I get my hope from. The kindness of others. The realization, that in this world, there are real "superheroes", willing to drop anything to help others, regardless of the situation. These superheroes don't always wear capes. They don't always have a badge, drive a firetruck, or even use a stethoscope. These heroes are me, and you, the friend next to you, or the lady on the subway reading the paper.
Everyday people willing to stand up for the right thing. Friends lending an ear. It doesn't matter. Everyone at some point will have a chance to help someone, maybe once, maybe multiple times. And the person being helped likely won't care about any failings the other person has. Thats what makes humanity great, and what gives me hope, is that chance to be great. Everyone can be great, and once you get a taste of it, you get that spark of hope back, and the challenges seem a lil less daunting, and hope seems all the more eternal.