You see, on November 19th, 2014, I was officially diagnosed with Early Onset Parkinson's Disease. And with it, embark on a journey that currently sees me here, "celebrating" World Parkinsons Day.... During Parkinson's Awareness Month.
It's not really a celebration.
My left side doesn't agree with me that much anymore. My left foot, at times, curls up into a claw, digging itself into the top of my shoe. My left knee locks in place, slowing my once powerful running stride to the point of which I often have to stop walking after 15 min just to give my body time to loosen up.
My left hand, well it sometimes shakes like the San Andreas fault line(that's right kids, San Andreas is more than a video game or a movie with The Rock, is the reason building another in California is a nightmare.). My fingers lock more solid than the recipe for my families iced tea. That's never getting out again, I can assure you.
My arm, sometimes locks out, violently at the elbow, like a flag catching a strong wind gust. I'm waiting for it to dislocate, because, hey, 6 total dislocations is a round number and I like symmetry.
This is not to say that the Deep Brain Simulation Surgeries didn't work. They did, beautifully, but they, like any surgery for a neurodegenerative ailment... Has it's limits.
How're, is the symptoms I didn't know much about, that have reared their ugly side.
My anxiety disorder is at times crippling, with overthinking, over-analysation, and over-examination taking over. It's a gift and a curse. If you travel with me, you can rest assured, I've researched & charted every entry and exit point, the most effective one, the nearest hospital, firehouse and police precinct and best portable food option nearby. This means, "making it up as we go," not an option.
This means I'm constantly worried about everything. If you're well and safe, if you've eaten enough and how comfortable you are around me. I'm basically the worst Italian grandmother.
My speech, never something I over thought about has been compromised. Now fast and low, I went from co-hosting a podcast to being fearful of saying more than hello sometimes. That, however is being slowly but surely rectified by the supremely talented Dr.'s Bradley Hoff and Brittany Palmer at Mount Sinai Union Square.
Mount Sinai. I don't know where I'd be without them. From my first neurologists, Dr. Servert & Dr. Deegan, to my rocks, Dr. Katherine Leaver, who knows how to use her head to get a malfunctioning tablet to work. Every team needs a leader and when they made her, they destroyed the mold. And the calm, cool and collected Dr. Joan Miravite...
These people are my ride or die. They're my Justice League, my Rebel Alliance, my Olympic Team. Think of a great historic group of individuals, real or fake. My team beats them. Through& through. Hands down, my team will come out on top. Give them a second, they're good. Give em an hour, they're unbeatable.
When I think of unbeatable teams I also have to look to Samantha and my physical therapy team at Jag physical therapy.
Sam has been stalwart with fixing me when broken, which happens more often than not. I'm fairly sure there's only one other human who she interacts with me than me on a regular basis, and frankly, only one other human can likely understand just how kind she is. To her lil Red Dog, His luck at finding her for his human is something more special than words. Her love for that pooch is something I wish you could all find.
Her other teammates, like Sam"the Sequel" (who is hopefully celebrating a very happy birthday today.),Teresa, who assures me, I'll one day grow to be a Swiftie.
To the team of aides who are loyal beyond words, like Joe, who I'll now always call,"Captain America" (hey, his arms make me feel safe, ok?), to Terry, who reminds me of a young me, if life had gone right for me.
The many others, Paul(who somehow made my shoes work... Probably the socks.), Gino and Andrew, Mikhael, Dave and Kasia. Andrew, Mike, Chris and Chris and Jess, and Justin and Chelsea and Joe. Dan & Ebenezer, Ali & Dan again. You're dynamo's.
And where would I be without the front desk? Aqsa, stoic and whip smart, whose random knowledge is second only to mine, and will sadly soon depart for a future of lifesaving... Chyna who knows how to really fix the Millennium Falcons Hyperdrive(with Reese's.), to the absolute heart of gold, total basket of sunshine Danielle, who always makes time for my weather reports.
Nicole and Farrah, Melissa& Ebony. You're still missed.
It's a cast of literal hundreds that has saved me, picked me up from my falls, both literal& actual, that is the reason I'm still here. Too many to name, but everlasting in my mind and soul.
Perhaps it's a stroke of luck that Parkinson's has put me on their orbit.
While on the topic of orbit...it would be unkind of me to not recognize the parallel in my team and that of the 4 Legends who returned to earth last evening. Christina, Victor, Jeremy and Reid - our newly minted, "Emotional Support Astronauts", you'll never see this, but enthralling was the only thing I could say as I watched, with the world, as you showed us what dreams are like, when made real. Thank you.
It's people like these who give me the strength to push on. And people like Jessie Graff and Lindsey Vonn, who push their bodies and minds-that also make the impossible seem within reach.
Sure they may be walking a path far different from mine, but the message they put out there through their own struggles is the same: hard work is great, but you won't get there without sheer, unfiltered willpower. Those two women have a grit& inner fire I could only dream of. But for once, I'm not going to dream. I'm going to use their example as inspiration.
I'm not not going to be an Olympic skier, and I don't think my elbows would hold up to a Ninja Warrior course, but that doesn't mean I can't become a better version of myself.
Watching these two women punch through injury after injury, refusing to stay down when pushed...its easy to say it's inspiring, but it's another thing to act on it. And that's what I'm gonna try to do.
Parkinson's means there's no definite path. It's tough and uncertain, but one thing I'm sure of, is that, I have to try. After all, I have Parkinson's, it doesn't have me.