It's 3:18am and i'm sitting here with a bowl of rocky road topped with a lil bit of Cranberry syrup...cause...well...this time of year theres an abundence of Cranberry stuff (I don't care how abundence is spelled, it's 3am like I said).
The holidays are coming up, and they're supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year as the song goes. Well...not for me. Not for a lot of people. I don't know why, but I seem to have lost my holiday spirit. I want it back. When I was a kid, hell up till a few years ago, the weeks leading up to and following christmas were somethin else. There was this excitment and anticipation in the air. There was a crisp...joy to it.
Now it's gone...just up and left. Don't know where or why. Christmas comes now, and even though I try my best to put a happy spin on it...it doesn't work. When I see scenes of people rioting on "Black friday" and getting arrested...it just makes me wonder where it went wrong. It seems like almost everyone else is having a good time or at least superbly masking the bad time they're having.
People ask me what I want for Christmas...I tell them to donate to charities i've picked out. They laugh in my face...not all, but some. And it bugs me. Maybe the reason I want that is for others to be happy, which in turn makes me happy. I guess thats selfish? I dunno. All I know is that I think it's time for me to get my good christmas break. I wanna enjoy it this year and I don't know how.
I'm not saying I wanna go carrolling or drink 32 cartons of eggnog, but I want to have a christmas where I can genuinely smile and enjoy it again. I don't think it's too much to ask. I just wanna have a good time again and not feel alone. I want to feel like George Bailey did at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life"