Today would have been my mothers 59th birthday. It, as has been for the past 8 years instead been a day for me to reflect on not only her life, but my own. Where I was back then and wher i'm going now.

I tend to get a bit melancholy during this time, and in September. See, September will be the 8 year mark. And it won't just be 8 years since she passed, it will have been 8 years since a large part of my life changed.

There were times that year when I honestly didn't think I had the strength to make it through the next day. It seemed like every day would be a struggle, a battle to just keep my head up.

I've since managed. It's been hard, but i've managed. Ask me how and i'm not sure. Maybe it's my rugged good looks and ability to bake a killer apple pie, who knows, but somehow I've made it. I'd like to think she's be proud.

One thing i've learned over the course of this time is to persevere and to keep pushing. Not that I mean to sound like some corny magnet or bumper sticker, but thats what kept me going. That and chocolate, which I guess makes me a pregnant woman.

I've gotten to the point of I just don't want to deal with pointless meaninglessness(Yes thats a word).

I've always been a Superman fan, and though i'm not as big a fan as say...someone who once told me "I can't go to hell, I have a Superman tattoo, and that's the comic book equivalent to Christ." Well my Super-fandom in turn made me a fan of many things associated with the character, one of them being Christopher Reeve. Now everyone knows his story.

During my roughest days, I always looked at what he was going through and thought to myself, "how can I complain when this guy can't even move?" He couldn't even lift his finger and yet he kept plugging along like a Sherman Tank. He once said; "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."

Well, in retrospect, my obstacles are no where near as overwhelming as his.

Despite the storm around him he never accepted defeat.

It's this kinda of hope that I think the world in general needs.

When I saw the news of what happened in Arizona, I don't see blood and pain. I see a wake up call, a kick in the ass to the collective consciousness of not only the country, but hopefully the human race in general. I have a hope that we will not accept the defeat that was thrust at us that day, but a hope that we as a people will look past chaos and look toward something that will enrich us all. What that is I don't know, maybe it'll be a nice glass of iced tea(yes i'm hungry.), but whatever it is, I really think we just need to stop dealing with this kind of chaos. Chaos cannot sustain itself.

Today was not just my mothers birthday, but It was Martin Luther King Jr. day. One thing I beleive both of them had in common was the fact that deep down inside they could find the good in a person. That and they could both probably talk your ear off.

I'd like to think, that like them, there is a greater good in most people. That most people, despite the fact they are plugged into everything all the time would still take a moment to lend an ear to someone in need, or to at least offer a good chicken recipe(all comes back too food).

Before Christmas I touched on how I thought common decency had all but vanished. This whole rant might be a continuation of that one, who knows. All I do know is that while I miss my mother, I know she'd be happy with the fact that I'm willing to fight for what I beleive in. I think she'd also be happy with the fact that I listened to Springsteen today.

Happy birthday mom. I miss you.