I've had a few days to process the bin laden situation and I still can't...come to a conclusion as to how to take it.

Sunday night I was in the process of recording a podcast with my co-host when a text message urged me to put the news on. Upon tuning into CNN, I saw the bottom banner; "Breaking news - osama bin laden is dead." It was there in bold print. no extended description, just raw and to the point, leaving no room to ponder.

My gut reaction was a loud yell, a few choice words and a victory dance. I wanted to then make sure. I ran down every news channel on my TV and found each reporting the same thing. This was it. This was real...I hoped. By that point there had still been no concrete statement from President Obama.

And so with baited breath, I waited. I pulled up some victory music on YouTube, most notably "Ding dong the witch is dead!" from the Wizard of Oz, and the band Steams hit song "Na na na hey hey goodbye" which by that point was being sung by the crowd of thousands gathering in front of the White House.

Then the President spoke the words everyone I know had been waiting to hear for 10 years:
"Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed osama bin laden, the leader of al qaeda."

And there it was. No mincing of words. No easing into it. To the point. At that point I erupted with an applause that would have made one think I had just won the World Series. I ran around my house, prancing and dancing like an idiot.

I called my cousin, A U.S. NAVY soldier. I called a close friend in the U.S. Army. The first...and only thought at that moment was to thank them, thank them for their service. I know neither of them had a direct hand in the operation, but the fact they are out there every day risking their ass for this country to pursue evil...and to finally have some of that effort pay off still means the world to me.

I cheered and fist pumped. Then NY1 news showed a shot of the World Trade Center site and I came crashing down.

It hit me like a tidal wave and instantly brought me back. Back to the smoke plume across the harbor, back to the sight of FDNY Rescue Company 5 racing across the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge with a full load of firefighters...none of whom would return. It brought me back to the sight of one weakly defiant structure standing amidst a smoky haze, until it too disappeared moments later.

The memories came back as sharply as the Presidents opening sentence.

My thought processes overloaded. This is what I...and everyone wanted. The enemy. Eliminated. But...somehow I still felt empty. A rush of conflicting emotions raced through my brain. I left my house, not knowing exactly where to go so I simply drove around until I eventually arrived at a memorial to the Staten Islanders lost on that day.

A few family members who had lost loved ones were there. I, along with them looked into the silhouetted faces carved into the marble. I looked out over the harbor, where the glinting lights of the city beckoned. I boarded the Staten Island ferry, and upon exiting walked 10 or so blocks north at hallowed ground. A place where friends and family once stood. Where unspeakable horror brought about unimaginable courage and cemented the not heroes but legends in the collective consciousness of the world.

What I saw next was something I had not expected. Throngs of people screaming, jumping and dancing. For a few moments my journalistic instincts took over and I found myself photographing the scene. The chants of "USA! USA!" made me swell with pride. Those chants quickly gave way to the "Fuck osama!" chants. I looked to left and saw the concrete structure of the under construction memorial and was then faced with a sad realization which is why I find myself so utterly confused.

We have eliminated the leader of the enemy...but it won't bring anyone back.

I saw people crowd surfing and being tossed into the air like beach balls feet away from where 2,000 + people lost their lives. At that moment i felt, and still feel disgusted...upset...and just plain lost. How is this a time to celebrate? What have we won? We kill one evil, evil, evil creature and people think this rights everything?

My city still has a hole in it. Families across the country will still have an empty place at the dinner table. Soldiers are still being killed a half a world away, and yet I come home to find videos of morons drunkenly partying it up in po-dunk, Ohio chanting "We won!!" What the hell did you fucking win?!?! Did you walk around lower Manhattan for months on end breathing in toxicity looking for any part of a human body to give to someone who lost a loved one?! Tell me how having your lungs slowly,agonizingly vaporize from what you breathed in counts as a win.

How does running through some college campus screaming make it better in any way?! Does it bring back any dead soldiers? If it does tell me, then I'll blow out my voice box tomorrow while I too gallop through my campus with a 15 cent plastic American flag that says "Made in China" on the bottom. Then i'll look behind me, wondering where the almost 6,000 dead soldiers are.

I may sound bitter, and I suppose i'm a bit of a hypocrite since I initially celebrated. I don't know.

While I am "happy" that we have disposed of the beast...maybe even thrilled, I know that this changes very little. There will still be evil out there. It will be a long time till this threat is fully extinguished. I have full belief in the United States military, and it's allies. We have the best trained individuals on the planet, some of whom i've had the privilege of meeting. I know they are up to the task.

So, while they are over there, crawling through sandstorms to take out threats we haven't even heard of yet, while they are over there sleeping in a space the size of half a bathtub, I hope we all enjoy watching some pampered actor suffer a meltdown.

If we the people are to truly achieve a victory in this...i don't even know what to call it anymore, we should be taking care of our own. Remember right after that day when people cheered rescue workers, and kept cheering until the last one came out, months later? Remember how strangers went to a neighbors house and baked them a pie or just gave them a hug? Those neighbors still don't have their loved ones back. They never will. But yes, go ahead and cheer and yell and, i'm sure it'll bring everyone back.

Go ahead and blame a religion that had nothing to do with it. Look I may not be a religious person, but that doesn't mean i'm not a human. Muslims didn't kill people, extremists did. But i'm sure you think that your 2 minute research on said religion makes you an expert. I'm also sure it brings back the people who passed away on Flight 93.

Go ahead and find a way to throw a political jab or two in there as well, i'm pretty sure that brings back everyone on from the Pentagon, cause y'know bickering about Democrats and Republicans is a real miracle maker.

And i know that debating on whether we should have shot an unarmed bin laden makes a lick of difference, especially considering i'm fairly certain he didn't care if the intern working on the 78th floor of the South Tower was unarmed or not.

Some victory.