Eight years ago tonight was the worst night of my life. Eight years ago tonight, I lost my mother.

It was the continuation of an already awful year and also the continuation of what has become - to me at least, the reason why i hate the whole month of September. Nothing good seems to come of it, so, this year I decided to throw as much on to my schedule as I possibly could in order to keep my mind off the fact that "hey, its the worst month of the year."

Its almost, and I stress almost working....too good. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. I just want this month over.

When I look back to that time, eight years ago, it still seems real. Still hurts. A lot of people would come up to me and say "this is the way she would have wanted it." And i find that hard to beleive. I got a lot of that back then. People coming up to me, some of whom I didn't know, offering advice when I didn't want it, people who barely knew me trying to psycho analyze the hell outta me when most of the time I just wanted to be left alone.

The people who I wanted around me the most were there....except for one, and he knows who he is.

Still, some people pushed to hard, and it really honestly just irritated the fuck out of me to no end. One person though, shone through. This friend of mine came to me that night as I sat out on my front lawn just staring up into the sky and hugged me, and then just sat with me for hours, neither of us said anything, we just sat there. And that meant more to me then this one person will ever realize. Saying nothing said it all. I felt so at peace at that moment.

Thats when I realized that some friends are more then that, they're family, always will be. However many times we all bitch and moan, however many times we say horrible, hurtful things to each other, there will always be the all night car rides, the unplanned adventures into the unknown, the random movie marathons, the photo-hunts, the impromtu barbecues, house paintings, baseball games and countless other things that I will always be thankful for.

There are some friends that i've known for over 20 years that are without a doubt just plain family at this point. There are some people i've known for weeks that could someday be just as close. Hell there are some that I haven't met yet. Doesn't matter. Each one is special and unique and I love all of em.

People who barely know me come up to me every once in a while and say "you're so creative just like your mother." and at times that gnaws at me. I'm not her. I'm me. This is the way she'd want it. Every parent wants their child to be unique and different. My closest friends get this. And this is why I love the hell outta em. My best friends know me better then I know myself.

This rant is not just about me remembering my mother, its about me thanking every one of my friends who has helped me get through the past eight years.

Friendship is probably the most powerful connection you can have with someone. In fact, it might be the single most powerful force in the universe.

Thank You.