Its Sunday night and I'm sitting at home. Alone. I don't enjoy it. It's difficult to be alone, especially in a city where personal space is a luxury you almost have to pay for.

If i'm alone its my fault I suppose. And that's not me being depressing, that's fact.

I'm in a mess right now. I really am. I got overwhelmed last year by a lot of things and I let that get the best of me and now here I am. Months away from 30, on academic probation, mostly jobless and near debt. I'm taking a last chance shot at the one job/life I want desperately despite the fact that it may not want me. Am I crazy? I must be, becuase I haven't fully given up hope for some reason.

I sit here, alone, feeling sorry for myself. Then I look at what happened in the Midwest friday, where whole towns have been erased and it makes me angry at myself. Angry that I let my own problems get the best of me when people the nation...the world over suffer far greater than myself. And yet they will persevere.

I know that these people will help others, pick up and push on because thats what we as humans should do when faced with adversity. But then I see that a lot of us have become so self important, so self involved that we don't even realize it. Geeky as it may sound, Darth Vader said it best; "Don't be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed."

Modern technology is a wonderful thing yes, but I fear it has taken us to far away from ourselves. We are losing the battle for originality, for imagination, We are losing it to a screen, a wire, a button and soon enough, we will be so far lost that there will be no way back. Everything is moving at such a brisk pace that what was new yesterday will be old tomorrow. How did we become this way in such a short period of time?

We are a great people. We're better than this. Way better. No one has a piece of Serenity anymore, everyone has to be alert and at the ready even when they sleep. No one knows the value of laying in the grass on a sunny day,staring at the clouds and daydreaming for a few hours anymore. No one remembers how peaceful it was to sit by the window on a cool day and let the sun warm you while you read a great book(And yes I mean that thing with the pages. Made from paper.) with a cup of hot chocolate. Few people remember a time when you could sit around the radio and listen to music.

Yes, I know, i'm waxing nostalgic, yearning for simple pleasures, but is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. At least every once in a while.

I don't know, maybe i'm just a lonely guy wishing for better days. I know i'm not the easiest person to know, and i'm sorry for that, but one thing i'm not sorry for is how I think.