I feel like I just battled an army. This semester has been remarkably tough and long, and it was through no fault but my own. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained past the point of exhaustion. I feel empty, i feel depressed and i'm not sure why. I suppose I should feel accomplished, but until I get my grades, I don't think I can rest easy. Even then I still have that summer class, and after that, only about 2 months till the fall kicks my ass, but ya know what? Bring it on.
I started this semester filled with a ton of uncertainty, and while I still have it, I know that I put in all the effort possible, which is maybe why i'm tired. Nothing worth having, worth wanting is ever easy. That's just the way it is, and i'm OK with that. I feel better knowing I did everything I could have.
And I also feel better knowing I met some real great people in the past five months. They know who they are, and they're all good and decent people. And i'm very happy to call them all friends.
I'm also happy to call friends those who will be moving on to better and greater things. These people have the talent, drive and desire to accomplish excellent things, and I know that they will do just that.
And i'm also happy to have the friends that I've known for a while, the ones who will do anything for you. These are special people and great ones, and they're really just the best of the best.
I know that i'm not an easy person to know. I have my issues, I have my pitfalls, I have my faults, I'm eccentric, I'm picky and I obsess, but somehow, all of you make me being me a bit easier. Everyone of you that I can call friend...I really do feel luckier knowing you. You have no idea how much I really do value all of you. Thank you all for being there for me. And I promise, I will always be there for all of you. Lets all enjoy a few months off, then kick some ass come the fall. I'll bring the chocolate...and yes, the bacon too.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
In a little over 20 minutes, 100 years ago the course of human history changed forever when over 1,500 people lost their lives in the bitter chill of a North Atlantic night.
23 years ago, a simple book changed a good part of my life and would intertwine me with one of the greatest stories in human history, albeit one of its most saddening.
The book was "Exploring the Titanic" by Dr. Robert Ballard. My reasoning for getting the book actually stems from another love of mine, Ghostbusters. You see, there was a part in "Ghostbusters 2" where New York, under siege from the netherworld finally gets to see the wreck of Titanic dock...in spectral form of course.
Fast forward to a few months later when I was in 2nd grade at P.S. 11 here on Staten Island. Every so often we would get these 3-4 page book order forms. Me being a book nut(something that also still hasn't changed.) saw Dr. Ballard's book and immediately reminded myself "Thats the ship from the movie!"
About 2 weeks later the book arrived and so began one of the things I will undoubtedly always be remembered for.
I'm not sure whether or not thats a good thing however. How morbid it is to be associated with one of the worlds greatest tragedies? People often come up to me, especially lately and ask me what it is about the Titanic that still draws me in all these years later.
There are a multitude of answers to give.
The one that sticks the most is Hubris. The fact that we as a society back then and especially now think of ourselves as the great and powerful human race, with great and powerful things to show for it...but where has it really gotten us?
Back then Hubris cost more than 1,500 lives and showed the world that despite the great achievements of humankind, nature will still prevail over all. We are not forever. Thats not meant to be a morbid statement, and i'm sorry if thats how it is taken but it is true.
That hubris still lives within us all today, this very day in fact. I've been watching the coverage of the massive severe weather outbreak in the midwest and can't help but think of the unlucky people who build homes on the cheap, just to beat a deadline, only to see natures fury rip the house from the ground with a family inside of it, yet we praise modern building methods.
We as a race of people are not "unsinkable", as some thought the Titanic to be. Instead of trying to control nature, we need to better understand it and work within its parameters.
We are a great people, just as we were back then, but we let our ego and our Id get the best of us sometimes. We have this great idea of a utopian society, yet we can't stop bickering about petty things long enough to realize that gets nothing done. Arguing for the sake of arguing is not proving ones point, its prolonging ineptitude.
If the Titanic proved anything, its that we can't have these class wars in society. That iceberg, that chilled water did not discriminate between rich and poor. It took who it took, regardless of who they may be.
It's for reasons such as those I can't help but scoff at the idea of our people having any effect on the outcome of the planets future. As I said, the severe weather in the midwest proves that if the Earth doesn't want us, it will find a way to get rid of us. The Earth does not beleive in climate change. Before the human race was what it is today, this planet made its way through the solar system as a black boiling ball of rock, and it did it just fine.
We aren't trying to save Earth, we're trying to save the Human race. We're so afraid of our own future that we've given up on trying to save ourselves and have instead pawned off our problem and blamed it on the planet. How much ego is involved there?
Probably a little less than the one that sideswiped an iceberg.
There is however hope.
There is always, ALWAYS HOPE. We can all start acting like decent, normal, good humans again. Going out of your way to hold a door open does actually do a little bit in the world, despite what you may think. A groundswell movement doesn't begin with an uproar, it begins with a ripple. And I know that we as a people are capable of this. We're not lost. I have full belief that we can learn from our mistakes and missteps.
Cynicism never got a damned thing accomplished, hope did. It was with that hope in mind that Captain Arthur Rostron ordered his ship, R.M.S. Carpathia to steam to the site of Titanics last position and begin rescue efforts, despite his being 58 miles away...which, back in 1912, was essentially a light world away.
This man did not just heed the call, he went above and beyond. This is something that we are all capable of doing. We're not helpless, we're lazy. And that goes for me too. The sooner we stop being lazy, the sooner we stop ACTING helpless, the more we can get done for the betterment of humanity. We act high and mighty, but when it comes down to it, few of us follow through with it. Now is the time for that to change. It's up to you.
23 years ago, a simple book changed a good part of my life and would intertwine me with one of the greatest stories in human history, albeit one of its most saddening.
The book was "Exploring the Titanic" by Dr. Robert Ballard. My reasoning for getting the book actually stems from another love of mine, Ghostbusters. You see, there was a part in "Ghostbusters 2" where New York, under siege from the netherworld finally gets to see the wreck of Titanic dock...in spectral form of course.
Fast forward to a few months later when I was in 2nd grade at P.S. 11 here on Staten Island. Every so often we would get these 3-4 page book order forms. Me being a book nut(something that also still hasn't changed.) saw Dr. Ballard's book and immediately reminded myself "Thats the ship from the movie!"
About 2 weeks later the book arrived and so began one of the things I will undoubtedly always be remembered for.
I'm not sure whether or not thats a good thing however. How morbid it is to be associated with one of the worlds greatest tragedies? People often come up to me, especially lately and ask me what it is about the Titanic that still draws me in all these years later.
There are a multitude of answers to give.
The one that sticks the most is Hubris. The fact that we as a society back then and especially now think of ourselves as the great and powerful human race, with great and powerful things to show for it...but where has it really gotten us?
Back then Hubris cost more than 1,500 lives and showed the world that despite the great achievements of humankind, nature will still prevail over all. We are not forever. Thats not meant to be a morbid statement, and i'm sorry if thats how it is taken but it is true.
That hubris still lives within us all today, this very day in fact. I've been watching the coverage of the massive severe weather outbreak in the midwest and can't help but think of the unlucky people who build homes on the cheap, just to beat a deadline, only to see natures fury rip the house from the ground with a family inside of it, yet we praise modern building methods.
We as a race of people are not "unsinkable", as some thought the Titanic to be. Instead of trying to control nature, we need to better understand it and work within its parameters.
We are a great people, just as we were back then, but we let our ego and our Id get the best of us sometimes. We have this great idea of a utopian society, yet we can't stop bickering about petty things long enough to realize that gets nothing done. Arguing for the sake of arguing is not proving ones point, its prolonging ineptitude.
If the Titanic proved anything, its that we can't have these class wars in society. That iceberg, that chilled water did not discriminate between rich and poor. It took who it took, regardless of who they may be.
It's for reasons such as those I can't help but scoff at the idea of our people having any effect on the outcome of the planets future. As I said, the severe weather in the midwest proves that if the Earth doesn't want us, it will find a way to get rid of us. The Earth does not beleive in climate change. Before the human race was what it is today, this planet made its way through the solar system as a black boiling ball of rock, and it did it just fine.
We aren't trying to save Earth, we're trying to save the Human race. We're so afraid of our own future that we've given up on trying to save ourselves and have instead pawned off our problem and blamed it on the planet. How much ego is involved there?
Probably a little less than the one that sideswiped an iceberg.
There is however hope.
There is always, ALWAYS HOPE. We can all start acting like decent, normal, good humans again. Going out of your way to hold a door open does actually do a little bit in the world, despite what you may think. A groundswell movement doesn't begin with an uproar, it begins with a ripple. And I know that we as a people are capable of this. We're not lost. I have full belief that we can learn from our mistakes and missteps.
Cynicism never got a damned thing accomplished, hope did. It was with that hope in mind that Captain Arthur Rostron ordered his ship, R.M.S. Carpathia to steam to the site of Titanics last position and begin rescue efforts, despite his being 58 miles away...which, back in 1912, was essentially a light world away.
This man did not just heed the call, he went above and beyond. This is something that we are all capable of doing. We're not helpless, we're lazy. And that goes for me too. The sooner we stop being lazy, the sooner we stop ACTING helpless, the more we can get done for the betterment of humanity. We act high and mighty, but when it comes down to it, few of us follow through with it. Now is the time for that to change. It's up to you.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Its Sunday night and I'm sitting at home. Alone. I don't enjoy it. It's difficult to be alone, especially in a city where personal space is a luxury you almost have to pay for.
If i'm alone its my fault I suppose. And that's not me being depressing, that's fact.
I'm in a mess right now. I really am. I got overwhelmed last year by a lot of things and I let that get the best of me and now here I am. Months away from 30, on academic probation, mostly jobless and near debt. I'm taking a last chance shot at the one job/life I want desperately despite the fact that it may not want me. Am I crazy? I must be, becuase I haven't fully given up hope for some reason.
I sit here, alone, feeling sorry for myself. Then I look at what happened in the Midwest friday, where whole towns have been erased and it makes me angry at myself. Angry that I let my own problems get the best of me when people the nation...the world over suffer far greater than myself. And yet they will persevere.
I know that these people will help others, pick up and push on because thats what we as humans should do when faced with adversity. But then I see that a lot of us have become so self important, so self involved that we don't even realize it. Geeky as it may sound, Darth Vader said it best; "Don't be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed."
Modern technology is a wonderful thing yes, but I fear it has taken us to far away from ourselves. We are losing the battle for originality, for imagination, We are losing it to a screen, a wire, a button and soon enough, we will be so far lost that there will be no way back. Everything is moving at such a brisk pace that what was new yesterday will be old tomorrow. How did we become this way in such a short period of time?
We are a great people. We're better than this. Way better. No one has a piece of Serenity anymore, everyone has to be alert and at the ready even when they sleep. No one knows the value of laying in the grass on a sunny day,staring at the clouds and daydreaming for a few hours anymore. No one remembers how peaceful it was to sit by the window on a cool day and let the sun warm you while you read a great book(And yes I mean that thing with the pages. Made from paper.) with a cup of hot chocolate. Few people remember a time when you could sit around the radio and listen to music.
Yes, I know, i'm waxing nostalgic, yearning for simple pleasures, but is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. At least every once in a while.
I don't know, maybe i'm just a lonely guy wishing for better days. I know i'm not the easiest person to know, and i'm sorry for that, but one thing i'm not sorry for is how I think.
If i'm alone its my fault I suppose. And that's not me being depressing, that's fact.
I'm in a mess right now. I really am. I got overwhelmed last year by a lot of things and I let that get the best of me and now here I am. Months away from 30, on academic probation, mostly jobless and near debt. I'm taking a last chance shot at the one job/life I want desperately despite the fact that it may not want me. Am I crazy? I must be, becuase I haven't fully given up hope for some reason.
I sit here, alone, feeling sorry for myself. Then I look at what happened in the Midwest friday, where whole towns have been erased and it makes me angry at myself. Angry that I let my own problems get the best of me when people the nation...the world over suffer far greater than myself. And yet they will persevere.
I know that these people will help others, pick up and push on because thats what we as humans should do when faced with adversity. But then I see that a lot of us have become so self important, so self involved that we don't even realize it. Geeky as it may sound, Darth Vader said it best; "Don't be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed."
Modern technology is a wonderful thing yes, but I fear it has taken us to far away from ourselves. We are losing the battle for originality, for imagination, We are losing it to a screen, a wire, a button and soon enough, we will be so far lost that there will be no way back. Everything is moving at such a brisk pace that what was new yesterday will be old tomorrow. How did we become this way in such a short period of time?
We are a great people. We're better than this. Way better. No one has a piece of Serenity anymore, everyone has to be alert and at the ready even when they sleep. No one knows the value of laying in the grass on a sunny day,staring at the clouds and daydreaming for a few hours anymore. No one remembers how peaceful it was to sit by the window on a cool day and let the sun warm you while you read a great book(And yes I mean that thing with the pages. Made from paper.) with a cup of hot chocolate. Few people remember a time when you could sit around the radio and listen to music.
Yes, I know, i'm waxing nostalgic, yearning for simple pleasures, but is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. At least every once in a while.
I don't know, maybe i'm just a lonely guy wishing for better days. I know i'm not the easiest person to know, and i'm sorry for that, but one thing i'm not sorry for is how I think.
Friday, December 30, 2011
As I traversed the demolition site of what will soon be the former U.S. Navy home port today for a photo project, I was struck by something. The site, as it appeared today, with debris piles everywhere and heavy construction equipment taking down the remains of buildings...it reminded me greatly of Ground Zero.
That 10 years ago, the same home port site was the location where many rescue and recovery workers took a brief respite from the horrors of the pit made it even more...fitting I guess? The whole experience set me on edge a bit.
So much has happened in the past decade that it almost doesn't seem like its been that long. Hell, so much has happened in this past year that it hardly seems real.
Feels like just yesterday I was in a snowy parking lot with a few friends, some old appliances and a sledgehammer...embarking on another crazy photo project. Now I get to wear a hardhat and roam an active construction site.
This has been a blur of a year. People that I thought i'd never see again have come back. And one evil went away forever.
I was recording a podcast with my friend the first night of May when I got the text. Instantly I felt a euphoria and release that everyone had been waiting to feel for a decade. I jumped and danced like the idiot I am until I remembered the loss and remembered that nothing will bring anyone back. It was a night filled with such conflicting emotion.
5 months later, a couple came into my job, there son had been a firefighter who was lost on September 11th and I discussed with them how best to view it. While I don't remember the full context of what they said, I sensed in them a feeling of...not acceptance, but of almost coming to peace with it all. They would never forget, nor will.
Our generation will carry this with us till the end of our days. How we chose to carry it is up to each of us individually. I will chose to use the lessons learned in as positive a way as I possibly can. I know that is what those that we loved and lost would want for not only me, but for all of us.
While I looked upon those early May days with conflict...I felt nothing but pride, albeit bittersweet- in July, when NASA's final space shuttle mission took off with Atlantis commander Christopher Fergusons rally call of "Let's light this fire one more time," I once again cheered like an idiot, proud not only to be an American, but to be a geek, for if it wasn't for a buncha crazed science nuts, we may never have had the chance to ride rockets.
I say proud to be an American because I am. And its not about whose dick is bigger or country songs or nutso politicians. I say i'm proud to be an American because I am. Look, yes, the economy is in turmoil. Lots of people are out of work. Reality TV is still a dangerous threat to human intelligence, but you know what? When Tuscaloosa, Alabama and Joplin Missouri were ripped apart by tornadoes, people from around the country helped. They didn't wait, they just did. They donated, they drove down to search for people, they put people up in their homes. When nature showed its worst, we showed our best. We're a country that can have the largest water balloon fight and enjoy the total unabashed silliness of it all just because.
I think that is part of the reason a lot of people are in a funk. Is no one knows how to just have fun anymore. There has to be a reason behind it, there has to be meaning to everything, and yeah even i'm guilty of thinking that way, but at least I can admit it. Whatever happened to just doing something for the sake of being a kid again? Whats the harm in going back to whats good and worked for us every once and a while?
When I look back at the past year I think i'll at least say I had a bit more fun and enjoyed my friendships more.
That actually was a big part of the year for me, the whole idea of friendship was pretty big. One of my mothers favorite movies was "It's a Wonderful Life" and one of the quotes I will always, always take away from that movie is "Remember, no one is a failure who has friends."
Without my friends I don't know how I woulda made it through this year. While it may sound corny or hackney, its true, you guys really were there for me at the worst moments and shared the best ones. For that i'll be forever grateful. Be it trudging through the snowy woods, random impromptu in-house barbecues, or marching up 6th ave dressed like Dan Aykroyd, you guys made it an excellent year, and i'll be looking forward to whatever lies ahead...even if it is a pie in the face that is actually Ranch dressing.
This was an easy year, nor was this easy to write, but it was cleansing, and I think at this time of year everyone feels a little bit like that, like the fighter who took one helluva beating but pulled it out in the end. I think part of the reason is because everyone has a little bit of New York in them, and if there is one thing I know about this city its that its a stubborn town, but if you make it here, you really truly can make it anywhere.
So to those reading this, wherever you may be, thank you. Thank you for your friendship, for your time, but most important, thank you for being yourself. I'll look forward to seeing you in 2012 and beyond, and you know what? I'll bring the bacon.
Stay safe everyone!
That 10 years ago, the same home port site was the location where many rescue and recovery workers took a brief respite from the horrors of the pit made it even more...fitting I guess? The whole experience set me on edge a bit.
So much has happened in the past decade that it almost doesn't seem like its been that long. Hell, so much has happened in this past year that it hardly seems real.
Feels like just yesterday I was in a snowy parking lot with a few friends, some old appliances and a sledgehammer...embarking on another crazy photo project. Now I get to wear a hardhat and roam an active construction site.
This has been a blur of a year. People that I thought i'd never see again have come back. And one evil went away forever.
I was recording a podcast with my friend the first night of May when I got the text. Instantly I felt a euphoria and release that everyone had been waiting to feel for a decade. I jumped and danced like the idiot I am until I remembered the loss and remembered that nothing will bring anyone back. It was a night filled with such conflicting emotion.
5 months later, a couple came into my job, there son had been a firefighter who was lost on September 11th and I discussed with them how best to view it. While I don't remember the full context of what they said, I sensed in them a feeling of...not acceptance, but of almost coming to peace with it all. They would never forget, nor will.
Our generation will carry this with us till the end of our days. How we chose to carry it is up to each of us individually. I will chose to use the lessons learned in as positive a way as I possibly can. I know that is what those that we loved and lost would want for not only me, but for all of us.
While I looked upon those early May days with conflict...I felt nothing but pride, albeit bittersweet- in July, when NASA's final space shuttle mission took off with Atlantis commander Christopher Fergusons rally call of "Let's light this fire one more time," I once again cheered like an idiot, proud not only to be an American, but to be a geek, for if it wasn't for a buncha crazed science nuts, we may never have had the chance to ride rockets.
I say proud to be an American because I am. And its not about whose dick is bigger or country songs or nutso politicians. I say i'm proud to be an American because I am. Look, yes, the economy is in turmoil. Lots of people are out of work. Reality TV is still a dangerous threat to human intelligence, but you know what? When Tuscaloosa, Alabama and Joplin Missouri were ripped apart by tornadoes, people from around the country helped. They didn't wait, they just did. They donated, they drove down to search for people, they put people up in their homes. When nature showed its worst, we showed our best. We're a country that can have the largest water balloon fight and enjoy the total unabashed silliness of it all just because.
I think that is part of the reason a lot of people are in a funk. Is no one knows how to just have fun anymore. There has to be a reason behind it, there has to be meaning to everything, and yeah even i'm guilty of thinking that way, but at least I can admit it. Whatever happened to just doing something for the sake of being a kid again? Whats the harm in going back to whats good and worked for us every once and a while?
When I look back at the past year I think i'll at least say I had a bit more fun and enjoyed my friendships more.
That actually was a big part of the year for me, the whole idea of friendship was pretty big. One of my mothers favorite movies was "It's a Wonderful Life" and one of the quotes I will always, always take away from that movie is "Remember, no one is a failure who has friends."
Without my friends I don't know how I woulda made it through this year. While it may sound corny or hackney, its true, you guys really were there for me at the worst moments and shared the best ones. For that i'll be forever grateful. Be it trudging through the snowy woods, random impromptu in-house barbecues, or marching up 6th ave dressed like Dan Aykroyd, you guys made it an excellent year, and i'll be looking forward to whatever lies ahead...even if it is a pie in the face that is actually Ranch dressing.
This was an easy year, nor was this easy to write, but it was cleansing, and I think at this time of year everyone feels a little bit like that, like the fighter who took one helluva beating but pulled it out in the end. I think part of the reason is because everyone has a little bit of New York in them, and if there is one thing I know about this city its that its a stubborn town, but if you make it here, you really truly can make it anywhere.
So to those reading this, wherever you may be, thank you. Thank you for your friendship, for your time, but most important, thank you for being yourself. I'll look forward to seeing you in 2012 and beyond, and you know what? I'll bring the bacon.
Stay safe everyone!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I wanted to think of something poetic and insightful to start this off but nothing came to mind easily. This is a problem i've been dealing with, with a frightening bit of momentum a lot lately.
My mind doesn't want to shut off. Ever. Even now as I type this all I want to do is everything. I want to put away my laundry, I want to look at the index card that is a foot away, I want to read a book that I know i'll only make it through a few pages of until my brain goes off on some irritating tangent into who knows where.
I want to rest. Truly rest, mind, body and soul, but that won't happen.
I'm kept awake at night not just by these relentless thoughts, but by depressing realizations. A little over two weeks ago, I lay awake in my bed staring up at my ceiling examining things. I'm pushing thirty, I'm back at school yes, going for a degree yes...but it just seems overwhelmingly more complicated now then it ever did before. Not to say that it was supposed to be a cakewalk, but this...its different. Its hard but its not. Maybe my brain is making it out to be harder then it really is.
I have a learning disability. At first the doctors thought it may have been A.D.D., but just to be sure they ran me through a gamut of testing. EEG, MRI, Catscan, CT Scan(same thing?), Memorization tests, blood tests, Brain scan, cognitive tests. I was examined as though I were an astronaut. The diagnosis? "There definitely is something wrong, there definitely is a disability...but we don't know what it is. You've compensated for it in someways but not in others." And that is all they could say.
That frustrates me every day. Not being able to focus on things is not as "funny" as one may imagine.
It is with these thoughts in mind I go back to that night two weeks or so ago. As I lay there, the thoughts continued to stream in like waterfall. Will I be going for this degree for the rest of my life? Will the job that I really want ever be available to me? Will my pursuit of my other passion in life ever be taken seriously? What will this holiday be like with less money then before? Can I continue to handle two...no...two and a half jobs? Everything, all at once came crashing into my brain.
For a brief, stupid, fleeting moment, the thought, keep in mind I said THOUGHT of something stupid and selfish crossed into my mind. I quickly dismissed the thought...but the fact that the thought even entered my brain upset me a great, great deal. Its a thought I will never have again. Ever.
Most nights I come home to an empty house, burdened and tired by the day that has passed and the ones to come, when all I want is to just clear my mind for a little while. To re-charge my batteries, but there is simply too much going on up there. Do you know how painful it is to come home to an empty house and to be alone with your thoughts sometimes? And yes, i'll admit it, I sometimes get envious of others happiness, especially when it comes so easy. I'm pretty sure others have felt that way too. I don't like being alone.
Maybe this is all mellow dramatic, maybe some will say "you aren't making any sense, why are you even talking?" Well. I don't know how to help you there. This is me. This is as real as it gets and right now i'm struggling a bit and this is the best way I can think of to at least try and clear my brain of some of the clutter.
Do others have it harder then me? Absolutely. Without a doubt. I'm no more or less special then anyone else in regards to this.
Many see me, they see my car, they see my ideas and my hopes and dreams and I feel many don't take me seriously. Do I let this get to me? I want to be cool and edgy and say "No man, i'm above that." But i'm not. Every so often, sometimes more often then not, it bothers me.
At my core, I like to think of myself as a carefree "who gives a damn" kinda person. And most of the time I am, but that doesn't mean I don't have a brain, that doesn't mean I don't have intelligent thoughts and it certainly doesn't mean i'm going to sit by and let myself get walked over.
I didn't have a clear cut full on plan in mind when I sat down to put these thoughts out, and I still don't. I've hit backspace and delete a few times, but for the most part this is as raw as i'm gonna get, and if you don't like that, and by you, i'm not referring to one specific person, but if you don't like that, then I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe some of you will understand what i'm going through maybe not. But for now it just feels a little bit better to get these thoughts out in the open.
My mind doesn't want to shut off. Ever. Even now as I type this all I want to do is everything. I want to put away my laundry, I want to look at the index card that is a foot away, I want to read a book that I know i'll only make it through a few pages of until my brain goes off on some irritating tangent into who knows where.
I want to rest. Truly rest, mind, body and soul, but that won't happen.
I'm kept awake at night not just by these relentless thoughts, but by depressing realizations. A little over two weeks ago, I lay awake in my bed staring up at my ceiling examining things. I'm pushing thirty, I'm back at school yes, going for a degree yes...but it just seems overwhelmingly more complicated now then it ever did before. Not to say that it was supposed to be a cakewalk, but this...its different. Its hard but its not. Maybe my brain is making it out to be harder then it really is.
I have a learning disability. At first the doctors thought it may have been A.D.D., but just to be sure they ran me through a gamut of testing. EEG, MRI, Catscan, CT Scan(same thing?), Memorization tests, blood tests, Brain scan, cognitive tests. I was examined as though I were an astronaut. The diagnosis? "There definitely is something wrong, there definitely is a disability...but we don't know what it is. You've compensated for it in someways but not in others." And that is all they could say.
That frustrates me every day. Not being able to focus on things is not as "funny" as one may imagine.
It is with these thoughts in mind I go back to that night two weeks or so ago. As I lay there, the thoughts continued to stream in like waterfall. Will I be going for this degree for the rest of my life? Will the job that I really want ever be available to me? Will my pursuit of my other passion in life ever be taken seriously? What will this holiday be like with less money then before? Can I continue to handle two...no...two and a half jobs? Everything, all at once came crashing into my brain.
For a brief, stupid, fleeting moment, the thought, keep in mind I said THOUGHT of something stupid and selfish crossed into my mind. I quickly dismissed the thought...but the fact that the thought even entered my brain upset me a great, great deal. Its a thought I will never have again. Ever.
Most nights I come home to an empty house, burdened and tired by the day that has passed and the ones to come, when all I want is to just clear my mind for a little while. To re-charge my batteries, but there is simply too much going on up there. Do you know how painful it is to come home to an empty house and to be alone with your thoughts sometimes? And yes, i'll admit it, I sometimes get envious of others happiness, especially when it comes so easy. I'm pretty sure others have felt that way too. I don't like being alone.
Maybe this is all mellow dramatic, maybe some will say "you aren't making any sense, why are you even talking?" Well. I don't know how to help you there. This is me. This is as real as it gets and right now i'm struggling a bit and this is the best way I can think of to at least try and clear my brain of some of the clutter.
Do others have it harder then me? Absolutely. Without a doubt. I'm no more or less special then anyone else in regards to this.
Many see me, they see my car, they see my ideas and my hopes and dreams and I feel many don't take me seriously. Do I let this get to me? I want to be cool and edgy and say "No man, i'm above that." But i'm not. Every so often, sometimes more often then not, it bothers me.
At my core, I like to think of myself as a carefree "who gives a damn" kinda person. And most of the time I am, but that doesn't mean I don't have a brain, that doesn't mean I don't have intelligent thoughts and it certainly doesn't mean i'm going to sit by and let myself get walked over.
I didn't have a clear cut full on plan in mind when I sat down to put these thoughts out, and I still don't. I've hit backspace and delete a few times, but for the most part this is as raw as i'm gonna get, and if you don't like that, and by you, i'm not referring to one specific person, but if you don't like that, then I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe some of you will understand what i'm going through maybe not. But for now it just feels a little bit better to get these thoughts out in the open.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Eight years ago tonight was the worst night of my life. Eight years ago tonight, I lost my mother.
It was the continuation of an already awful year and also the continuation of what has become - to me at least, the reason why i hate the whole month of September. Nothing good seems to come of it, so, this year I decided to throw as much on to my schedule as I possibly could in order to keep my mind off the fact that "hey, its the worst month of the year."
Its almost, and I stress almost working....too good. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. I just want this month over.
When I look back to that time, eight years ago, it still seems real. Still hurts. A lot of people would come up to me and say "this is the way she would have wanted it." And i find that hard to beleive. I got a lot of that back then. People coming up to me, some of whom I didn't know, offering advice when I didn't want it, people who barely knew me trying to psycho analyze the hell outta me when most of the time I just wanted to be left alone.
The people who I wanted around me the most were there....except for one, and he knows who he is.
Still, some people pushed to hard, and it really honestly just irritated the fuck out of me to no end. One person though, shone through. This friend of mine came to me that night as I sat out on my front lawn just staring up into the sky and hugged me, and then just sat with me for hours, neither of us said anything, we just sat there. And that meant more to me then this one person will ever realize. Saying nothing said it all. I felt so at peace at that moment.
Thats when I realized that some friends are more then that, they're family, always will be. However many times we all bitch and moan, however many times we say horrible, hurtful things to each other, there will always be the all night car rides, the unplanned adventures into the unknown, the random movie marathons, the photo-hunts, the impromtu barbecues, house paintings, baseball games and countless other things that I will always be thankful for.
There are some friends that i've known for over 20 years that are without a doubt just plain family at this point. There are some people i've known for weeks that could someday be just as close. Hell there are some that I haven't met yet. Doesn't matter. Each one is special and unique and I love all of em.
People who barely know me come up to me every once in a while and say "you're so creative just like your mother." and at times that gnaws at me. I'm not her. I'm me. This is the way she'd want it. Every parent wants their child to be unique and different. My closest friends get this. And this is why I love the hell outta em. My best friends know me better then I know myself.
This rant is not just about me remembering my mother, its about me thanking every one of my friends who has helped me get through the past eight years.
Friendship is probably the most powerful connection you can have with someone. In fact, it might be the single most powerful force in the universe.
Thank You.
It was the continuation of an already awful year and also the continuation of what has become - to me at least, the reason why i hate the whole month of September. Nothing good seems to come of it, so, this year I decided to throw as much on to my schedule as I possibly could in order to keep my mind off the fact that "hey, its the worst month of the year."
Its almost, and I stress almost working....too good. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. I just want this month over.
When I look back to that time, eight years ago, it still seems real. Still hurts. A lot of people would come up to me and say "this is the way she would have wanted it." And i find that hard to beleive. I got a lot of that back then. People coming up to me, some of whom I didn't know, offering advice when I didn't want it, people who barely knew me trying to psycho analyze the hell outta me when most of the time I just wanted to be left alone.
The people who I wanted around me the most were there....except for one, and he knows who he is.
Still, some people pushed to hard, and it really honestly just irritated the fuck out of me to no end. One person though, shone through. This friend of mine came to me that night as I sat out on my front lawn just staring up into the sky and hugged me, and then just sat with me for hours, neither of us said anything, we just sat there. And that meant more to me then this one person will ever realize. Saying nothing said it all. I felt so at peace at that moment.
Thats when I realized that some friends are more then that, they're family, always will be. However many times we all bitch and moan, however many times we say horrible, hurtful things to each other, there will always be the all night car rides, the unplanned adventures into the unknown, the random movie marathons, the photo-hunts, the impromtu barbecues, house paintings, baseball games and countless other things that I will always be thankful for.
There are some friends that i've known for over 20 years that are without a doubt just plain family at this point. There are some people i've known for weeks that could someday be just as close. Hell there are some that I haven't met yet. Doesn't matter. Each one is special and unique and I love all of em.
People who barely know me come up to me every once in a while and say "you're so creative just like your mother." and at times that gnaws at me. I'm not her. I'm me. This is the way she'd want it. Every parent wants their child to be unique and different. My closest friends get this. And this is why I love the hell outta em. My best friends know me better then I know myself.
This rant is not just about me remembering my mother, its about me thanking every one of my friends who has helped me get through the past eight years.
Friendship is probably the most powerful connection you can have with someone. In fact, it might be the single most powerful force in the universe.
Thank You.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
As I pulled into my driveway tonight, I got out of my car and looked up at the Staten Island Night sky. For the most part it was the same as it's been for the past week or two. Mostly Cloudy. There was something different this night however.
Its the same different that is actually familiar this night and tomorrow. Twin beams of light reaching skyward.
I can't fathom...cannot wrap my mind around the fact it's been a decade. That to me just seems cruel. That the world has gone by in such a blur.
I'm sorry to do this to you again, but I need to talk this out in some way otherwise I might lose it. I might do that anyway.
For some reason i'm being hit hard this time around and I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the overwhelming fear that people will think; "Well it's been a decade now, we don't have to give a damn anymore." And those people make me physically angry. You don't forget just because its convenient.
This happened, it was real, it had substance. Terrifying, painful friggin substance. And there are some moments where its just utterly unbearable.
I sat on the ferry today, on my way to work, and it all just started to slam me more so then ever before, and all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out. But I couldn't, not there. Then I got to work, and was reminded of it all. Day. Long. And I wanted to cry my eyes out. And now, I'm home, and I want to cry my eyes out. I have tears right there to the point my eyes are blurry.
It's not fucking fair. It's not. This never should have happened. Innocent, good people shouldn't suffer. Its not god damned fair.
No one should ever have to see a drawing made by a child that says "Daddy, please come home, we miss you." No one.
All I wanna do is cry my brains out right now, but that won't get me anywhere, it won't gain back whats been lost. So I do what I learned how to do best after that day. I push forward the best I can.
I remember a few hours after it happened, I went to the only store by my house that was open and got bottled water. I wanted to be ready for what was next, I wanted to fight it, whatever "it" was. I wanted to help. I wanted to show I won't take this lying down.
And now, ten years later, i'm still fighting. Why? Because I know there is hope in the world. Despite how horrible and awful things can be, there is always a better tomorrow on the horizon.
Recently I found out that very close friends of mine are expecting another child. These friends are some of the most kind-hearted, grounded people I know, and I had the great pleasure of, a few months back, being present at a small gathering at their home, where I saw their kids, and lemme tell you, these kids give me hope. They're not your typical smart mouthed bratty kids.
These kids are amazing, funny, intelligent and absolutely adorable and are raised by equally amazing, funny and intelligent parents. They all have a smile that is genuine and good. One that doesn't judge, one that doesn't hate, one that is simply put, beautiful.
When I think of these friends of mine, It gives me an extra hitch in my giddy up, it makes me want what they have, and what they have is what evil will never take away. They have a seemingly never ending capacity for good, and a hope that tomorrow, the sun will rise.
And its that hope, that strength, that they've instilled in me, and that i'd like to instill in anyone who reads this, that no matter what evils and tragedies you face, no matter how much the world beats you down, knocks you over and kicks you to the curb, you will always be given that chance to make it better, you'll always have a chance to bring it back, to show the dark there is light, there is hope.
There is always hope. It's a powerful thing, more powerful then anything else.
I just hope I can make it through tomorrow with dry eyes.
Its the same different that is actually familiar this night and tomorrow. Twin beams of light reaching skyward.
I can't fathom...cannot wrap my mind around the fact it's been a decade. That to me just seems cruel. That the world has gone by in such a blur.
I'm sorry to do this to you again, but I need to talk this out in some way otherwise I might lose it. I might do that anyway.
For some reason i'm being hit hard this time around and I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the overwhelming fear that people will think; "Well it's been a decade now, we don't have to give a damn anymore." And those people make me physically angry. You don't forget just because its convenient.
This happened, it was real, it had substance. Terrifying, painful friggin substance. And there are some moments where its just utterly unbearable.
I sat on the ferry today, on my way to work, and it all just started to slam me more so then ever before, and all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out. But I couldn't, not there. Then I got to work, and was reminded of it all. Day. Long. And I wanted to cry my eyes out. And now, I'm home, and I want to cry my eyes out. I have tears right there to the point my eyes are blurry.
It's not fucking fair. It's not. This never should have happened. Innocent, good people shouldn't suffer. Its not god damned fair.
No one should ever have to see a drawing made by a child that says "Daddy, please come home, we miss you." No one.
All I wanna do is cry my brains out right now, but that won't get me anywhere, it won't gain back whats been lost. So I do what I learned how to do best after that day. I push forward the best I can.
I remember a few hours after it happened, I went to the only store by my house that was open and got bottled water. I wanted to be ready for what was next, I wanted to fight it, whatever "it" was. I wanted to help. I wanted to show I won't take this lying down.
And now, ten years later, i'm still fighting. Why? Because I know there is hope in the world. Despite how horrible and awful things can be, there is always a better tomorrow on the horizon.
Recently I found out that very close friends of mine are expecting another child. These friends are some of the most kind-hearted, grounded people I know, and I had the great pleasure of, a few months back, being present at a small gathering at their home, where I saw their kids, and lemme tell you, these kids give me hope. They're not your typical smart mouthed bratty kids.
These kids are amazing, funny, intelligent and absolutely adorable and are raised by equally amazing, funny and intelligent parents. They all have a smile that is genuine and good. One that doesn't judge, one that doesn't hate, one that is simply put, beautiful.
When I think of these friends of mine, It gives me an extra hitch in my giddy up, it makes me want what they have, and what they have is what evil will never take away. They have a seemingly never ending capacity for good, and a hope that tomorrow, the sun will rise.
And its that hope, that strength, that they've instilled in me, and that i'd like to instill in anyone who reads this, that no matter what evils and tragedies you face, no matter how much the world beats you down, knocks you over and kicks you to the curb, you will always be given that chance to make it better, you'll always have a chance to bring it back, to show the dark there is light, there is hope.
There is always hope. It's a powerful thing, more powerful then anything else.
I just hope I can make it through tomorrow with dry eyes.
Friday, July 08, 2011
Liftoff
A few hours ago, the space shuttle Atlantis began her final journey into the heavens. And as the craft roared to life on the back of more then a million pounds of thrust and went trans-sonic, I watched in amazement as once again-albeit for the final time, this machine carried four more brave legends into the surly bonds of the unforgiving black, in a quest for that hopefully will never end.
The shuttle program has been around longer then me, so naturally I grew up watching launch after launch on TV.
The vehicles, Enterprise, Columbia, Challenger, Discovery, Atlantis and Endeavor were simply...marvels. These were not simply vehicles propelled by rocket fuel. They were the ark into the great unknown, they were our generations Columbus fleet, seeking out new lands in which to advance human ingenuity.
The fact that the shuttle is the most complex piece of machinery built by humanity is astounding. I can't even begin to fathom how a human mind could control something so complicated. I once read that each shuttle orbiter has more then 200 miles of wiring in it. For something that's smaller then the Statue of Liberty, that's mighty impressive. This is one of the many things compel me and astound me about not just the shuttle, but the space program itself.
Some may mock the shuttle program, others may call it too costly, but to those naysayers I ask you to look into the eyes of any...everyone of the million people down on the humid Florida beaches today, anyone watching on television, anyone crowded around a radio what they think and I guarantee you that your cynical view will be met with true and unbridled optimism and hope.
You see, its not just rocket fuel that fired those shuttles into orbit, its the hard work of millions, yes I said millions of people...be it the people who work on the landing gear in North Carolina, the ones who work on the rocket boosters in Utah or the folks in California who work on the heat tiles that are vital to keeping the shuttle intact in the crushing pressures of space...and the intense heat of re-entry.
NASA and The space shuttle program aren't just line items in the U.S. budget, they're the blood, sweat, tears and determination of this countries people.
For every kid staring out their telescope in their backyard to the ones damn near blowing their hands off with model rockets in a field(guilty), the U.S. Space program is more. It's about dreams coming true. Thats one of the key things i've learned watching the shuttle program mature over the years, its that dreams do come true, especially if you put your all into it.
The shuttles broke not just the sound barrier but the color and gender barrier, showing that in space, it didn't matter if you were female or male, it didn't matter if you were black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, or whatever...all that mattered was your imagination, drive and determination, which is the way it should be here on the ground.
The shuttle program helped erase a cold war and joined rivals not in conflict, but in the exploration for a better tomorrow.
The shuttle program, these people with their sheer grit put a nation on its back and pushed through unimaginable tragedies to give us hope and to let us dream. We should never forget that. They use the term "Godspeed" a lot in liftoffs. It means to wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an adventure. And what an adventure it has been.
When that adventure concludes about 2 weeks from now, it will not be an ending, it will simply be a page turned in the never ending story of our desire to explore and dream.
The shuttle program has been around longer then me, so naturally I grew up watching launch after launch on TV.
The vehicles, Enterprise, Columbia, Challenger, Discovery, Atlantis and Endeavor were simply...marvels. These were not simply vehicles propelled by rocket fuel. They were the ark into the great unknown, they were our generations Columbus fleet, seeking out new lands in which to advance human ingenuity.
The fact that the shuttle is the most complex piece of machinery built by humanity is astounding. I can't even begin to fathom how a human mind could control something so complicated. I once read that each shuttle orbiter has more then 200 miles of wiring in it. For something that's smaller then the Statue of Liberty, that's mighty impressive. This is one of the many things compel me and astound me about not just the shuttle, but the space program itself.
Some may mock the shuttle program, others may call it too costly, but to those naysayers I ask you to look into the eyes of any...everyone of the million people down on the humid Florida beaches today, anyone watching on television, anyone crowded around a radio what they think and I guarantee you that your cynical view will be met with true and unbridled optimism and hope.
You see, its not just rocket fuel that fired those shuttles into orbit, its the hard work of millions, yes I said millions of people...be it the people who work on the landing gear in North Carolina, the ones who work on the rocket boosters in Utah or the folks in California who work on the heat tiles that are vital to keeping the shuttle intact in the crushing pressures of space...and the intense heat of re-entry.
NASA and The space shuttle program aren't just line items in the U.S. budget, they're the blood, sweat, tears and determination of this countries people.
For every kid staring out their telescope in their backyard to the ones damn near blowing their hands off with model rockets in a field(guilty), the U.S. Space program is more. It's about dreams coming true. Thats one of the key things i've learned watching the shuttle program mature over the years, its that dreams do come true, especially if you put your all into it.
The shuttles broke not just the sound barrier but the color and gender barrier, showing that in space, it didn't matter if you were female or male, it didn't matter if you were black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, or whatever...all that mattered was your imagination, drive and determination, which is the way it should be here on the ground.
The shuttle program helped erase a cold war and joined rivals not in conflict, but in the exploration for a better tomorrow.
The shuttle program, these people with their sheer grit put a nation on its back and pushed through unimaginable tragedies to give us hope and to let us dream. We should never forget that. They use the term "Godspeed" a lot in liftoffs. It means to wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an adventure. And what an adventure it has been.
When that adventure concludes about 2 weeks from now, it will not be an ending, it will simply be a page turned in the never ending story of our desire to explore and dream.
Friday, June 17, 2011
In 5 days I'll be 29. Entering the last year of what some say are "the best years of your life." I don't know how exactly to answer that.
The past nine years haven't exactly been stellar...though they haven't been awful either. For anyone who does read these rants or whatever you care to call them, you know the story so i'll spare the rewind. Maybe next year I'll do one of those neat academy awards style retrospectives and have it directed by Robert DeNiro(Hey gotta keep it close to home.)Yet as I approach the day, I'm left in that retrospective yet anticipating state of mind. Man...who knew that turning 29 could do this? When I look in the mirror I start to notice 1 or 2 lightly colored hairs and silently wonder how many years it'll be till I can walk around telling people that i'm Anderson Cooper.
Some say that age is a number, and again, i'm left wondering how to answer that, because honestly...I hate numbers. I find them to be an unnecessary part of language, kind of like the appendix to the alphabet. John Glenn didn't seem to let 77 treat him as an old man when he went back into space in on the shuttle in 1998.
Then I see people I take class with, realize they were born in a different decade and it just kinda hit me like a dodge ball..."holy crap i'm getting old." At first I think "well they're certainly young & vigorous." Then I start to notice how almost all of them can't grasp the simpler things.
Every time I go into or come home from the city I see people with a ridiculous piece of over sized bathroom tile in their hand then realize its one of those stupid ass "e-readers" or "i-pads" and a few thoughts come to mind.
Why is it some people claim its the "technological" age yet they go back to the simplest form of written text, from thousands of years ago, the tablet? Two, when did society become so lazy to the point of lifting a page became difficult? What is that...a 5th of an ounce of pressure?(for those of you remembering I hate numbers and are now saying, "You just used math!" I hope you get a paper cut between your thumb and index finger.) Books shouldn't run on batteries or short out when wet. Quit being lazy and turn the page you lazy, inept, self righteous jagoffs.
I see and hear myself going on these rants and know it makes me sound like an old man, but at that point that my give a damn starts to break, because ya know what, yeah, it was better when I was a kid. I find myself saying that a lot lately;"When i was a kid." It really kinda makes me wanna kick myself, because, the more I think about it...I hate the idea of the "cynical, miserable, bitter old man."(Too many adjectives?) Thats not me.
There is someone I know like that...someone who is perpetually miserable, in fact, i'm fairly sure this person has not only bought a house in the town of misery, but has painted the house the dreariest shade of gray. I see this person and it makes me look at myself and realize things aren't nearly as bad as they could be.
Sure TV sucks today, but you know what? at least all the good old TV I had as a kid is on DVD now. And, boy I do like me some "Airwolf."I also enjoy the fact I can relive me geek days by watching the one and true Batman for my time, Kevin Conroy...who actually talked like a real person, not like a dying 1986 Buick.
At this time of year, many people, particularly younger ones are hearing speech after speech about their future. Well, it's my belief that most of these speeches suck. Only Doc Brown and Marty McFly truly know about the future. And most of these speeches aren't uttered right before an all out assault on an alien force. So it is with Bill Pullman in mind I offer you this:
After going through the majority of what has been crap for the past 9 or so years, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I made it through the past 9 years and I did so because I don't roll over and let the defeat stick. The next day the sun will rise, there will be a cup of tea, and the neighbors insane cat will meow at a blank wall thinking it will talk back to him.
Refuse to let fear and misery and depression stay with you. These things are really just trivial, pointless roadblocks. And since i'm anything but subtle, I don't wait at the roadblock. I plow headlong through it laughing like a fool. I'd advise you to do the same. Laughing in the face of fear is a powerful, insanely wonderful thing to do. You are stronger then your fears. Always remember that.
Don't hold your feelings in, otherwise you'll go crazy. And that is not as fun as whatever celebrity meltdown of the week would have you believe. Billy Joel sung "tell her about it." So if that girl in the plaid shirt and sunglasses makes ya nutty, let her know.
There's no reason to sit in the negative and worry about how everything could go wrong. Worrying about nothing gets you no where. It's a saying as old as time, but actions do speak louder then words, so instead of sitting around worrying, go out and do something. I've recently become a believer in doing one thing every day that scares the crap out of me, but after doing it, I get to say "woo...at least that wasn't boring."
I find that sometimes I say that line in the company of friends. Another thing i've learned is sometimes a friend who sits with you and says absolutely nothing is all you need. Sometimes that nothing is more important then you realize, which in a city like New York is something.(I just made a Yogi-ism.)
Not every day will be easy. Some days it'll be harder then moving a granite block over a shag carpet(suck on that one Dan Rather!)(I actually like Dan Rather.), but I've discovered that once you make it through those tough ones, the good days are that much more worth it. You get that one little taste of victory, and you like it and you get something to fight for.
John Glenn went into space when he was 77. There's always time.
The past nine years haven't exactly been stellar...though they haven't been awful either. For anyone who does read these rants or whatever you care to call them, you know the story so i'll spare the rewind. Maybe next year I'll do one of those neat academy awards style retrospectives and have it directed by Robert DeNiro(Hey gotta keep it close to home.)Yet as I approach the day, I'm left in that retrospective yet anticipating state of mind. Man...who knew that turning 29 could do this? When I look in the mirror I start to notice 1 or 2 lightly colored hairs and silently wonder how many years it'll be till I can walk around telling people that i'm Anderson Cooper.
Some say that age is a number, and again, i'm left wondering how to answer that, because honestly...I hate numbers. I find them to be an unnecessary part of language, kind of like the appendix to the alphabet. John Glenn didn't seem to let 77 treat him as an old man when he went back into space in on the shuttle in 1998.
Then I see people I take class with, realize they were born in a different decade and it just kinda hit me like a dodge ball..."holy crap i'm getting old." At first I think "well they're certainly young & vigorous." Then I start to notice how almost all of them can't grasp the simpler things.
Every time I go into or come home from the city I see people with a ridiculous piece of over sized bathroom tile in their hand then realize its one of those stupid ass "e-readers" or "i-pads" and a few thoughts come to mind.
Why is it some people claim its the "technological" age yet they go back to the simplest form of written text, from thousands of years ago, the tablet? Two, when did society become so lazy to the point of lifting a page became difficult? What is that...a 5th of an ounce of pressure?(for those of you remembering I hate numbers and are now saying, "You just used math!" I hope you get a paper cut between your thumb and index finger.) Books shouldn't run on batteries or short out when wet. Quit being lazy and turn the page you lazy, inept, self righteous jagoffs.
I see and hear myself going on these rants and know it makes me sound like an old man, but at that point that my give a damn starts to break, because ya know what, yeah, it was better when I was a kid. I find myself saying that a lot lately;"When i was a kid." It really kinda makes me wanna kick myself, because, the more I think about it...I hate the idea of the "cynical, miserable, bitter old man."(Too many adjectives?) Thats not me.
There is someone I know like that...someone who is perpetually miserable, in fact, i'm fairly sure this person has not only bought a house in the town of misery, but has painted the house the dreariest shade of gray. I see this person and it makes me look at myself and realize things aren't nearly as bad as they could be.
Sure TV sucks today, but you know what? at least all the good old TV I had as a kid is on DVD now. And, boy I do like me some "Airwolf."I also enjoy the fact I can relive me geek days by watching the one and true Batman for my time, Kevin Conroy...who actually talked like a real person, not like a dying 1986 Buick.
At this time of year, many people, particularly younger ones are hearing speech after speech about their future. Well, it's my belief that most of these speeches suck. Only Doc Brown and Marty McFly truly know about the future. And most of these speeches aren't uttered right before an all out assault on an alien force. So it is with Bill Pullman in mind I offer you this:
After going through the majority of what has been crap for the past 9 or so years, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I made it through the past 9 years and I did so because I don't roll over and let the defeat stick. The next day the sun will rise, there will be a cup of tea, and the neighbors insane cat will meow at a blank wall thinking it will talk back to him.
Refuse to let fear and misery and depression stay with you. These things are really just trivial, pointless roadblocks. And since i'm anything but subtle, I don't wait at the roadblock. I plow headlong through it laughing like a fool. I'd advise you to do the same. Laughing in the face of fear is a powerful, insanely wonderful thing to do. You are stronger then your fears. Always remember that.
Don't hold your feelings in, otherwise you'll go crazy. And that is not as fun as whatever celebrity meltdown of the week would have you believe. Billy Joel sung "tell her about it." So if that girl in the plaid shirt and sunglasses makes ya nutty, let her know.
There's no reason to sit in the negative and worry about how everything could go wrong. Worrying about nothing gets you no where. It's a saying as old as time, but actions do speak louder then words, so instead of sitting around worrying, go out and do something. I've recently become a believer in doing one thing every day that scares the crap out of me, but after doing it, I get to say "woo...at least that wasn't boring."
I find that sometimes I say that line in the company of friends. Another thing i've learned is sometimes a friend who sits with you and says absolutely nothing is all you need. Sometimes that nothing is more important then you realize, which in a city like New York is something.(I just made a Yogi-ism.)
Not every day will be easy. Some days it'll be harder then moving a granite block over a shag carpet(suck on that one Dan Rather!)(I actually like Dan Rather.), but I've discovered that once you make it through those tough ones, the good days are that much more worth it. You get that one little taste of victory, and you like it and you get something to fight for.
John Glenn went into space when he was 77. There's always time.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
I've had a few days to process the bin laden situation and I still can't...come to a conclusion as to how to take it.
Sunday night I was in the process of recording a podcast with my co-host when a text message urged me to put the news on. Upon tuning into CNN, I saw the bottom banner; "Breaking news - osama bin laden is dead." It was there in bold print. no extended description, just raw and to the point, leaving no room to ponder.
My gut reaction was a loud yell, a few choice words and a victory dance. I wanted to then make sure. I ran down every news channel on my TV and found each reporting the same thing. This was it. This was real...I hoped. By that point there had still been no concrete statement from President Obama.
And so with baited breath, I waited. I pulled up some victory music on YouTube, most notably "Ding dong the witch is dead!" from the Wizard of Oz, and the band Steams hit song "Na na na hey hey goodbye" which by that point was being sung by the crowd of thousands gathering in front of the White House.
Then the President spoke the words everyone I know had been waiting to hear for 10 years:
"Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed osama bin laden, the leader of al qaeda."
And there it was. No mincing of words. No easing into it. To the point. At that point I erupted with an applause that would have made one think I had just won the World Series. I ran around my house, prancing and dancing like an idiot.
I called my cousin, A U.S. NAVY soldier. I called a close friend in the U.S. Army. The first...and only thought at that moment was to thank them, thank them for their service. I know neither of them had a direct hand in the operation, but the fact they are out there every day risking their ass for this country to pursue evil...and to finally have some of that effort pay off still means the world to me.
I cheered and fist pumped. Then NY1 news showed a shot of the World Trade Center site and I came crashing down.
It hit me like a tidal wave and instantly brought me back. Back to the smoke plume across the harbor, back to the sight of FDNY Rescue Company 5 racing across the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge with a full load of firefighters...none of whom would return. It brought me back to the sight of one weakly defiant structure standing amidst a smoky haze, until it too disappeared moments later.
The memories came back as sharply as the Presidents opening sentence.
My thought processes overloaded. This is what I...and everyone wanted. The enemy. Eliminated. But...somehow I still felt empty. A rush of conflicting emotions raced through my brain. I left my house, not knowing exactly where to go so I simply drove around until I eventually arrived at a memorial to the Staten Islanders lost on that day.
A few family members who had lost loved ones were there. I, along with them looked into the silhouetted faces carved into the marble. I looked out over the harbor, where the glinting lights of the city beckoned. I boarded the Staten Island ferry, and upon exiting walked 10 or so blocks north at hallowed ground. A place where friends and family once stood. Where unspeakable horror brought about unimaginable courage and cemented the not heroes but legends in the collective consciousness of the world.
What I saw next was something I had not expected. Throngs of people screaming, jumping and dancing. For a few moments my journalistic instincts took over and I found myself photographing the scene. The chants of "USA! USA!" made me swell with pride. Those chants quickly gave way to the "Fuck osama!" chants. I looked to left and saw the concrete structure of the under construction memorial and was then faced with a sad realization which is why I find myself so utterly confused.
We have eliminated the leader of the enemy...but it won't bring anyone back.
I saw people crowd surfing and being tossed into the air like beach balls feet away from where 2,000 + people lost their lives. At that moment i felt, and still feel disgusted...upset...and just plain lost. How is this a time to celebrate? What have we won? We kill one evil, evil, evil creature and people think this rights everything?
My city still has a hole in it. Families across the country will still have an empty place at the dinner table. Soldiers are still being killed a half a world away, and yet I come home to find videos of morons drunkenly partying it up in po-dunk, Ohio chanting "We won!!" What the hell did you fucking win?!?! Did you walk around lower Manhattan for months on end breathing in toxicity looking for any part of a human body to give to someone who lost a loved one?! Tell me how having your lungs slowly,agonizingly vaporize from what you breathed in counts as a win.
How does running through some college campus screaming make it better in any way?! Does it bring back any dead soldiers? If it does tell me, then I'll blow out my voice box tomorrow while I too gallop through my campus with a 15 cent plastic American flag that says "Made in China" on the bottom. Then i'll look behind me, wondering where the almost 6,000 dead soldiers are.
I may sound bitter, and I suppose i'm a bit of a hypocrite since I initially celebrated. I don't know.
While I am "happy" that we have disposed of the beast...maybe even thrilled, I know that this changes very little. There will still be evil out there. It will be a long time till this threat is fully extinguished. I have full belief in the United States military, and it's allies. We have the best trained individuals on the planet, some of whom i've had the privilege of meeting. I know they are up to the task.
So, while they are over there, crawling through sandstorms to take out threats we haven't even heard of yet, while they are over there sleeping in a space the size of half a bathtub, I hope we all enjoy watching some pampered actor suffer a meltdown.
If we the people are to truly achieve a victory in this...i don't even know what to call it anymore, we should be taking care of our own. Remember right after that day when people cheered rescue workers, and kept cheering until the last one came out, months later? Remember how strangers went to a neighbors house and baked them a pie or just gave them a hug? Those neighbors still don't have their loved ones back. They never will. But yes, go ahead and cheer and yell and, i'm sure it'll bring everyone back.
Go ahead and blame a religion that had nothing to do with it. Look I may not be a religious person, but that doesn't mean i'm not a human. Muslims didn't kill people, extremists did. But i'm sure you think that your 2 minute research on said religion makes you an expert. I'm also sure it brings back the people who passed away on Flight 93.
Go ahead and find a way to throw a political jab or two in there as well, i'm pretty sure that brings back everyone on from the Pentagon, cause y'know bickering about Democrats and Republicans is a real miracle maker.
And i know that debating on whether we should have shot an unarmed bin laden makes a lick of difference, especially considering i'm fairly certain he didn't care if the intern working on the 78th floor of the South Tower was unarmed or not.
Some victory.
Sunday night I was in the process of recording a podcast with my co-host when a text message urged me to put the news on. Upon tuning into CNN, I saw the bottom banner; "Breaking news - osama bin laden is dead." It was there in bold print. no extended description, just raw and to the point, leaving no room to ponder.
My gut reaction was a loud yell, a few choice words and a victory dance. I wanted to then make sure. I ran down every news channel on my TV and found each reporting the same thing. This was it. This was real...I hoped. By that point there had still been no concrete statement from President Obama.
And so with baited breath, I waited. I pulled up some victory music on YouTube, most notably "Ding dong the witch is dead!" from the Wizard of Oz, and the band Steams hit song "Na na na hey hey goodbye" which by that point was being sung by the crowd of thousands gathering in front of the White House.
Then the President spoke the words everyone I know had been waiting to hear for 10 years:
"Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed osama bin laden, the leader of al qaeda."
And there it was. No mincing of words. No easing into it. To the point. At that point I erupted with an applause that would have made one think I had just won the World Series. I ran around my house, prancing and dancing like an idiot.
I called my cousin, A U.S. NAVY soldier. I called a close friend in the U.S. Army. The first...and only thought at that moment was to thank them, thank them for their service. I know neither of them had a direct hand in the operation, but the fact they are out there every day risking their ass for this country to pursue evil...and to finally have some of that effort pay off still means the world to me.
I cheered and fist pumped. Then NY1 news showed a shot of the World Trade Center site and I came crashing down.
It hit me like a tidal wave and instantly brought me back. Back to the smoke plume across the harbor, back to the sight of FDNY Rescue Company 5 racing across the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge with a full load of firefighters...none of whom would return. It brought me back to the sight of one weakly defiant structure standing amidst a smoky haze, until it too disappeared moments later.
The memories came back as sharply as the Presidents opening sentence.
My thought processes overloaded. This is what I...and everyone wanted. The enemy. Eliminated. But...somehow I still felt empty. A rush of conflicting emotions raced through my brain. I left my house, not knowing exactly where to go so I simply drove around until I eventually arrived at a memorial to the Staten Islanders lost on that day.
A few family members who had lost loved ones were there. I, along with them looked into the silhouetted faces carved into the marble. I looked out over the harbor, where the glinting lights of the city beckoned. I boarded the Staten Island ferry, and upon exiting walked 10 or so blocks north at hallowed ground. A place where friends and family once stood. Where unspeakable horror brought about unimaginable courage and cemented the not heroes but legends in the collective consciousness of the world.
What I saw next was something I had not expected. Throngs of people screaming, jumping and dancing. For a few moments my journalistic instincts took over and I found myself photographing the scene. The chants of "USA! USA!" made me swell with pride. Those chants quickly gave way to the "Fuck osama!" chants. I looked to left and saw the concrete structure of the under construction memorial and was then faced with a sad realization which is why I find myself so utterly confused.
We have eliminated the leader of the enemy...but it won't bring anyone back.
I saw people crowd surfing and being tossed into the air like beach balls feet away from where 2,000 + people lost their lives. At that moment i felt, and still feel disgusted...upset...and just plain lost. How is this a time to celebrate? What have we won? We kill one evil, evil, evil creature and people think this rights everything?
My city still has a hole in it. Families across the country will still have an empty place at the dinner table. Soldiers are still being killed a half a world away, and yet I come home to find videos of morons drunkenly partying it up in po-dunk, Ohio chanting "We won!!" What the hell did you fucking win?!?! Did you walk around lower Manhattan for months on end breathing in toxicity looking for any part of a human body to give to someone who lost a loved one?! Tell me how having your lungs slowly,agonizingly vaporize from what you breathed in counts as a win.
How does running through some college campus screaming make it better in any way?! Does it bring back any dead soldiers? If it does tell me, then I'll blow out my voice box tomorrow while I too gallop through my campus with a 15 cent plastic American flag that says "Made in China" on the bottom. Then i'll look behind me, wondering where the almost 6,000 dead soldiers are.
I may sound bitter, and I suppose i'm a bit of a hypocrite since I initially celebrated. I don't know.
While I am "happy" that we have disposed of the beast...maybe even thrilled, I know that this changes very little. There will still be evil out there. It will be a long time till this threat is fully extinguished. I have full belief in the United States military, and it's allies. We have the best trained individuals on the planet, some of whom i've had the privilege of meeting. I know they are up to the task.
So, while they are over there, crawling through sandstorms to take out threats we haven't even heard of yet, while they are over there sleeping in a space the size of half a bathtub, I hope we all enjoy watching some pampered actor suffer a meltdown.
If we the people are to truly achieve a victory in this...i don't even know what to call it anymore, we should be taking care of our own. Remember right after that day when people cheered rescue workers, and kept cheering until the last one came out, months later? Remember how strangers went to a neighbors house and baked them a pie or just gave them a hug? Those neighbors still don't have their loved ones back. They never will. But yes, go ahead and cheer and yell and, i'm sure it'll bring everyone back.
Go ahead and blame a religion that had nothing to do with it. Look I may not be a religious person, but that doesn't mean i'm not a human. Muslims didn't kill people, extremists did. But i'm sure you think that your 2 minute research on said religion makes you an expert. I'm also sure it brings back the people who passed away on Flight 93.
Go ahead and find a way to throw a political jab or two in there as well, i'm pretty sure that brings back everyone on from the Pentagon, cause y'know bickering about Democrats and Republicans is a real miracle maker.
And i know that debating on whether we should have shot an unarmed bin laden makes a lick of difference, especially considering i'm fairly certain he didn't care if the intern working on the 78th floor of the South Tower was unarmed or not.
Some victory.
Friday, April 15, 2011
At this very time, 99 years ago, The RMS Titanic was taking water heavily and beginning her plunge into the Atlantic. Before September 11th, as Martin Sheen put it, her name was a synonym for tragedy.
I remeber how I was brought into the world of Titanic. It was an interesting introduction to be sure. The late summer of 1989. I had just seen Ghostbusters 2 in the theater and had just gotten back to school at P.S. 11., first or second grade I think. We used to get these "Troll" book order forms, which I loved, because I loved-still love to read.
There was a scene in Ghostbusters 2 wherein New York City is once again being overwhelmed with ghosts...one of these ghosts just happens to be the eerie spectre of the Titanic arriving in New York, about 77 years late, with her passengers disembarking, to the utter shock and amazement of modern day dock workers, one of whom was played by Cheech Marin, who commented; "Well...better late then never."
With that celluloid memory still freshly ingrained in my head from the summer...imagine the look on my face when I saw, on that very book order form, the title "Exploring the Titanic"by Dr. Robert Ballard. I instantly checked it off and a few weeks later I got the book that I still to this day have on my bookshelf. It's a book that has so massively changed my life that I don't think I can ever get rid of it.
It was the first of what I would easily guess to be over 60 Titanic books I have read.
Before there was James Cameron's inaccurate piece of trash that saw dispersal in 1997, there was the truthful and excellently well done "A Night To Remember" from 1958, based on the book of the same name. But for me, Titanic was truly brought to life in the National Geographic documentary "Secrets of Titanic." To me this is the epitome of what a documentary should be. Excellence from start to end.
Titanic...I cannot explain the reason what it draws me in. For many who've known me for years, it's become one of my...trademarks I guess. While I no longer do it nearly to the extent I used too, I would spout off Titanic facts so naturally, you would have guessed I built the ship myself. It would be something people would associate me with for years. Until Cameron's piece of filth came out anyway.
For me Titanic was not simply books and documentaries. It re-invigorated a love of the ocean that I had gained from my mother.
It introduced me to the world of oceanography, specifically underwater archaeology. I became as obsessed as a kid would with submersibles and research ships. When my parents and I visited Cape Cod for a few summers in the mid to late 90's, I made it my mission to always go to Woods Hole, to visit the oceanographic institute(WHOI), whose ships, scientists and crews, along with Dr. Ballard-discovered the wreck, 2 miles down in the north Atlantic in September, 1985. A year later they would return with the 3 person research submersible "Alvin" and actually become the first people to physically explore the wreck.
For years as a kid, i'd try to duplicate Alvin and it's mother ship "Atlantis 2" in Lego form. I became such an Alvin fan that I even bought the book chronicling it's history. What kinda 8th grader buys a 300+ page biography of a submersible?
Every year we went I had always hoped to get a glimpse of Alvin, but every year it would be away on an expedition. To this day the closest I've gotten has been a small piece of the sub encased in plastic on a key chain, one of the many things I bought on those trips. One day i'll see it.
Woods Hole became a sort of Graceland for me. As I've said, Titanic opened up a world of discovery for me that wasn't just limited to the wreck itself. I became fascinated with the quaint little town, and still am to this day.
Dr. Ballard, who found the ship, has had a career that I've closely followed to this day. I would often go out of my way to listen to TV interviews with him, and his facts at the end of each episode of "Seaquest: DSV" made an already great show that much better. Giant submarine with a talking dolphin and the guy who discovered Titanic at the end of each episode? It's like they made the show for me.
Titanic got me to read more then a kid at my age usually wanted too, and i'm happy for that. It's still something I love, maybe now even more so.
It's taught me a sense of humility in a way as well. The story can really humble you if you think about it. Back in 1912, it was obviously not only a simpler time, but one where people were people. Men went down with the ship dressed in their very best. Many did not defy the "women and children first" order, like Thomas Andrews, the man who designed the ship and was last seen standing in front of a clock before the ship went down. People were decent. They knew the meaning of being decent.
In a day and age where we all, myself included, sometimes get frustrated if someone doesn't return our call within an hour, or get annoyed if our sandwich isn't completed within 3 minutes...in this crazy world...I want you to think of this. The family members of Titanic's passengers had to wait for 4 days to receive word of the fate of their loved ones. Think about that. Then realize how lucky we all are to be living in the world we live in now.
I look to close this writing with the story of Captain Arthur Rostron, of the RMS Carpathia, who answered the distress call sent out by Titanic. He answered the call, knowing he would be hours out from arriving, but still, he, without hesitation turned his ship around, and drove full speed into the very same field of ice that had dealt the fatal blow to Titanic.
He and his crew arrived roughly 2 hours after the railing of the stern section of the ship slipped beneath the waves. He arrived to find 13 small lifeboats with 705 people huddling in bitter cold, many having just witnessed their loved ones perish.
These people were unsure they would ever see rescue, yet this man and his crew performed gallantly in the face of tragedy.
This is what legends are made of. In the face of utter dismay, this story does have one shining beacon of hope that I would like to think we can all live up to in some small way.
While I think it's a bit...corny to say "RIP Titanic", it is my wish that the 1500 souls will in some way by this point have found rest. I thank you for reading this.
I remeber how I was brought into the world of Titanic. It was an interesting introduction to be sure. The late summer of 1989. I had just seen Ghostbusters 2 in the theater and had just gotten back to school at P.S. 11., first or second grade I think. We used to get these "Troll" book order forms, which I loved, because I loved-still love to read.
There was a scene in Ghostbusters 2 wherein New York City is once again being overwhelmed with ghosts...one of these ghosts just happens to be the eerie spectre of the Titanic arriving in New York, about 77 years late, with her passengers disembarking, to the utter shock and amazement of modern day dock workers, one of whom was played by Cheech Marin, who commented; "Well...better late then never."
With that celluloid memory still freshly ingrained in my head from the summer...imagine the look on my face when I saw, on that very book order form, the title "Exploring the Titanic"by Dr. Robert Ballard. I instantly checked it off and a few weeks later I got the book that I still to this day have on my bookshelf. It's a book that has so massively changed my life that I don't think I can ever get rid of it.
It was the first of what I would easily guess to be over 60 Titanic books I have read.
Before there was James Cameron's inaccurate piece of trash that saw dispersal in 1997, there was the truthful and excellently well done "A Night To Remember" from 1958, based on the book of the same name. But for me, Titanic was truly brought to life in the National Geographic documentary "Secrets of Titanic." To me this is the epitome of what a documentary should be. Excellence from start to end.
Titanic...I cannot explain the reason what it draws me in. For many who've known me for years, it's become one of my...trademarks I guess. While I no longer do it nearly to the extent I used too, I would spout off Titanic facts so naturally, you would have guessed I built the ship myself. It would be something people would associate me with for years. Until Cameron's piece of filth came out anyway.
For me Titanic was not simply books and documentaries. It re-invigorated a love of the ocean that I had gained from my mother.
It introduced me to the world of oceanography, specifically underwater archaeology. I became as obsessed as a kid would with submersibles and research ships. When my parents and I visited Cape Cod for a few summers in the mid to late 90's, I made it my mission to always go to Woods Hole, to visit the oceanographic institute(WHOI), whose ships, scientists and crews, along with Dr. Ballard-discovered the wreck, 2 miles down in the north Atlantic in September, 1985. A year later they would return with the 3 person research submersible "Alvin" and actually become the first people to physically explore the wreck.
For years as a kid, i'd try to duplicate Alvin and it's mother ship "Atlantis 2" in Lego form. I became such an Alvin fan that I even bought the book chronicling it's history. What kinda 8th grader buys a 300+ page biography of a submersible?
Every year we went I had always hoped to get a glimpse of Alvin, but every year it would be away on an expedition. To this day the closest I've gotten has been a small piece of the sub encased in plastic on a key chain, one of the many things I bought on those trips. One day i'll see it.
Woods Hole became a sort of Graceland for me. As I've said, Titanic opened up a world of discovery for me that wasn't just limited to the wreck itself. I became fascinated with the quaint little town, and still am to this day.
Dr. Ballard, who found the ship, has had a career that I've closely followed to this day. I would often go out of my way to listen to TV interviews with him, and his facts at the end of each episode of "Seaquest: DSV" made an already great show that much better. Giant submarine with a talking dolphin and the guy who discovered Titanic at the end of each episode? It's like they made the show for me.
Titanic got me to read more then a kid at my age usually wanted too, and i'm happy for that. It's still something I love, maybe now even more so.
It's taught me a sense of humility in a way as well. The story can really humble you if you think about it. Back in 1912, it was obviously not only a simpler time, but one where people were people. Men went down with the ship dressed in their very best. Many did not defy the "women and children first" order, like Thomas Andrews, the man who designed the ship and was last seen standing in front of a clock before the ship went down. People were decent. They knew the meaning of being decent.
In a day and age where we all, myself included, sometimes get frustrated if someone doesn't return our call within an hour, or get annoyed if our sandwich isn't completed within 3 minutes...in this crazy world...I want you to think of this. The family members of Titanic's passengers had to wait for 4 days to receive word of the fate of their loved ones. Think about that. Then realize how lucky we all are to be living in the world we live in now.
I look to close this writing with the story of Captain Arthur Rostron, of the RMS Carpathia, who answered the distress call sent out by Titanic. He answered the call, knowing he would be hours out from arriving, but still, he, without hesitation turned his ship around, and drove full speed into the very same field of ice that had dealt the fatal blow to Titanic.
He and his crew arrived roughly 2 hours after the railing of the stern section of the ship slipped beneath the waves. He arrived to find 13 small lifeboats with 705 people huddling in bitter cold, many having just witnessed their loved ones perish.
These people were unsure they would ever see rescue, yet this man and his crew performed gallantly in the face of tragedy.
This is what legends are made of. In the face of utter dismay, this story does have one shining beacon of hope that I would like to think we can all live up to in some small way.
While I think it's a bit...corny to say "RIP Titanic", it is my wish that the 1500 souls will in some way by this point have found rest. I thank you for reading this.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Twenty-five years ago today, we lost seven legends. They were doing what we all yearn to do- living a dream.
As they rose towards the unknown, they did not fear. They saw what their crafts namesake was, a Challenge. They saw this challenge and embraced it, they saw the adventure that awaited them and understood not only the risks, but the rewards.
They, along with all who came before them, and those who came after them, proved to us that we don't need a cape to reach the skies, just good old fashioned American hard work. The blood, sweat and tears that helped launch them onward will, as it always has, continue to help us in our future.
The dream of exploration and a better tomorrow does not discriminate either, that much was proven on that day. It does not see difference in skin color, gender or religion. Nor should anyone.
As we become ever more connected, more automated we lose a bit of ourselves. We lose that precious experience...that sense of wonder and amazement.
I truly hope that trend rescinds and we reach for our dreams with the drive and ambition we once had.
The men and women of the Challenger, Michael Smith, Dick Scobee, Judith Resnik, Ronald McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Gregory Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe deserve at least that much.
This is not a eulogy, it is a message to all. It is a message that is engraved on a plaque at Launch Complex 34 at Kennedy Space Center, where three other explorers passed in search of the wonders of the unknown. It says "Ad Astra Per Aspera", which translated means "A Rough Road Leads To The Stars."
Meet your challenge. Follow your dreams, however hard they may be to attain.
As they rose towards the unknown, they did not fear. They saw what their crafts namesake was, a Challenge. They saw this challenge and embraced it, they saw the adventure that awaited them and understood not only the risks, but the rewards.
They, along with all who came before them, and those who came after them, proved to us that we don't need a cape to reach the skies, just good old fashioned American hard work. The blood, sweat and tears that helped launch them onward will, as it always has, continue to help us in our future.
The dream of exploration and a better tomorrow does not discriminate either, that much was proven on that day. It does not see difference in skin color, gender or religion. Nor should anyone.
As we become ever more connected, more automated we lose a bit of ourselves. We lose that precious experience...that sense of wonder and amazement.
I truly hope that trend rescinds and we reach for our dreams with the drive and ambition we once had.
The men and women of the Challenger, Michael Smith, Dick Scobee, Judith Resnik, Ronald McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Gregory Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe deserve at least that much.
This is not a eulogy, it is a message to all. It is a message that is engraved on a plaque at Launch Complex 34 at Kennedy Space Center, where three other explorers passed in search of the wonders of the unknown. It says "Ad Astra Per Aspera", which translated means "A Rough Road Leads To The Stars."
Meet your challenge. Follow your dreams, however hard they may be to attain.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Today would have been my mothers 59th birthday. It, as has been for the past 8 years instead been a day for me to reflect on not only her life, but my own. Where I was back then and wher i'm going now.
I tend to get a bit melancholy during this time, and in September. See, September will be the 8 year mark. And it won't just be 8 years since she passed, it will have been 8 years since a large part of my life changed.
There were times that year when I honestly didn't think I had the strength to make it through the next day. It seemed like every day would be a struggle, a battle to just keep my head up.
I've since managed. It's been hard, but i've managed. Ask me how and i'm not sure. Maybe it's my rugged good looks and ability to bake a killer apple pie, who knows, but somehow I've made it. I'd like to think she's be proud.
One thing i've learned over the course of this time is to persevere and to keep pushing. Not that I mean to sound like some corny magnet or bumper sticker, but thats what kept me going. That and chocolate, which I guess makes me a pregnant woman.
I've gotten to the point of I just don't want to deal with pointless meaninglessness(Yes thats a word).
I've always been a Superman fan, and though i'm not as big a fan as say...someone who once told me "I can't go to hell, I have a Superman tattoo, and that's the comic book equivalent to Christ." Well my Super-fandom in turn made me a fan of many things associated with the character, one of them being Christopher Reeve. Now everyone knows his story.
During my roughest days, I always looked at what he was going through and thought to myself, "how can I complain when this guy can't even move?" He couldn't even lift his finger and yet he kept plugging along like a Sherman Tank. He once said; "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
Well, in retrospect, my obstacles are no where near as overwhelming as his.
Despite the storm around him he never accepted defeat.
It's this kinda of hope that I think the world in general needs.
When I saw the news of what happened in Arizona, I don't see blood and pain. I see a wake up call, a kick in the ass to the collective consciousness of not only the country, but hopefully the human race in general. I have a hope that we will not accept the defeat that was thrust at us that day, but a hope that we as a people will look past chaos and look toward something that will enrich us all. What that is I don't know, maybe it'll be a nice glass of iced tea(yes i'm hungry.), but whatever it is, I really think we just need to stop dealing with this kind of chaos. Chaos cannot sustain itself.
Today was not just my mothers birthday, but It was Martin Luther King Jr. day. One thing I beleive both of them had in common was the fact that deep down inside they could find the good in a person. That and they could both probably talk your ear off.
I'd like to think, that like them, there is a greater good in most people. That most people, despite the fact they are plugged into everything all the time would still take a moment to lend an ear to someone in need, or to at least offer a good chicken recipe(all comes back too food).
Before Christmas I touched on how I thought common decency had all but vanished. This whole rant might be a continuation of that one, who knows. All I do know is that while I miss my mother, I know she'd be happy with the fact that I'm willing to fight for what I beleive in. I think she'd also be happy with the fact that I listened to Springsteen today.
Happy birthday mom. I miss you.
I tend to get a bit melancholy during this time, and in September. See, September will be the 8 year mark. And it won't just be 8 years since she passed, it will have been 8 years since a large part of my life changed.
There were times that year when I honestly didn't think I had the strength to make it through the next day. It seemed like every day would be a struggle, a battle to just keep my head up.
I've since managed. It's been hard, but i've managed. Ask me how and i'm not sure. Maybe it's my rugged good looks and ability to bake a killer apple pie, who knows, but somehow I've made it. I'd like to think she's be proud.
One thing i've learned over the course of this time is to persevere and to keep pushing. Not that I mean to sound like some corny magnet or bumper sticker, but thats what kept me going. That and chocolate, which I guess makes me a pregnant woman.
I've gotten to the point of I just don't want to deal with pointless meaninglessness(Yes thats a word).
I've always been a Superman fan, and though i'm not as big a fan as say...someone who once told me "I can't go to hell, I have a Superman tattoo, and that's the comic book equivalent to Christ." Well my Super-fandom in turn made me a fan of many things associated with the character, one of them being Christopher Reeve. Now everyone knows his story.
During my roughest days, I always looked at what he was going through and thought to myself, "how can I complain when this guy can't even move?" He couldn't even lift his finger and yet he kept plugging along like a Sherman Tank. He once said; "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
Well, in retrospect, my obstacles are no where near as overwhelming as his.
Despite the storm around him he never accepted defeat.
It's this kinda of hope that I think the world in general needs.
When I saw the news of what happened in Arizona, I don't see blood and pain. I see a wake up call, a kick in the ass to the collective consciousness of not only the country, but hopefully the human race in general. I have a hope that we will not accept the defeat that was thrust at us that day, but a hope that we as a people will look past chaos and look toward something that will enrich us all. What that is I don't know, maybe it'll be a nice glass of iced tea(yes i'm hungry.), but whatever it is, I really think we just need to stop dealing with this kind of chaos. Chaos cannot sustain itself.
Today was not just my mothers birthday, but It was Martin Luther King Jr. day. One thing I beleive both of them had in common was the fact that deep down inside they could find the good in a person. That and they could both probably talk your ear off.
I'd like to think, that like them, there is a greater good in most people. That most people, despite the fact they are plugged into everything all the time would still take a moment to lend an ear to someone in need, or to at least offer a good chicken recipe(all comes back too food).
Before Christmas I touched on how I thought common decency had all but vanished. This whole rant might be a continuation of that one, who knows. All I do know is that while I miss my mother, I know she'd be happy with the fact that I'm willing to fight for what I beleive in. I think she'd also be happy with the fact that I listened to Springsteen today.
Happy birthday mom. I miss you.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
With Christmas rapidly approaching it feels as though normalcy as we all know it has completely gone out the window to a point that even a guy like me has to stop for second, look around and realize something has gone completely screwy with people.
I don't really understand it...maybe that is because my A.D.D. riddled brain really won't let me, or maybe it's because it doesn't want too. Who knows. Either way something is off kilter.
When I was a kid everything was simpler, made more sense and required less batteries.
I really have to wonder what has become of the holiday season. When did we all let it stress us out more then make us happy? I remember when I was really little and I couldn't sleep the night before no matter how hard I tried. Now I can't sleep because there is simply too much to do. Gift-wrapping, cooking, making sure the last of the Christmas cards got out and making sure the snowball cannon is aimed at the neighbors door at the perfect face level.
I remember when I was little and Santa was real and gave me a candy cane. Now I see Santa looking at Sports Illustrated calendars on his lunch break and telling me "it helps the North Pole." Thanks St. Nick, now pardon me while I call Dateline and wash my brain out with something to erase that image out of it.
Common decency needs to return. Hell, so does that..."love" thing too, even though it hasn't exactly worked out for me, dammit, I hope it actually does work out for others. Cause, during ALL times of the year people truly do deserve to be happy. Everyone for the most part should be, save for Mel Gibson and anyone who owns a Lexus.
People are so quick to ignore others just to advance themselves in the world that sometimes I boggles my mind, and i'm guilty of it sometimes too. Sometimes I don't hold a door open for someone and it's something as simple as that that makes me think "is that extra 3 seconds of effort really going to put a dent into my daily schedule?" Simple things, that is all it is.
Now i'm by no means saying lets join hands and sing a rousing chorus of "we are the world." Besides, that jam is way overplayed and what the hell was Dan Aykroyd Doing in that damn video...?! A.D.D. again, sorry.
What i'm saying is...remember that every time you think your hot shit and a badass, which I do on a regular basis, one of the key things to do in keeping that badassery is respect. Not fear. Fear is just life's way of trying to keep you from going for something that you want. Fear does not make you a badass, fear does not make you powerful, it makes you a whimpering little shit, and on one likes whimpering little shits. This is why R2D2 kept trying to ditch C3P0 throughout all 3 real Star Wars movies. He was nothing but afraid of everything the whole damn time.
A person who I know that shall remain nameless leads through treating their peers decently. This person knows peoples weaknesses and their strengths, and knows how best to utilize them for whatever purpose, and people enjoy the company of this person.
Look I realize that to err is to human yes, but it seems like for some reason everyone has gotten stuck in the err phase for far too long and i'm honestly sick of fucking seeing it.
It's fucking Christmas. Just wake up, look at a little kid, look at how its all still fresh for them, and try, at least for a few days to remember what it was like for you when you were that age and if you had a crappy childhood, then maybe you should've stopped reading this about 3 minutes or so ago? I dunno, how slow do you read? Me I'm fairly quick. I'm going off track again...that damn A.D.D. again.
I remember when I was a kid and I used to draw things...nothing that'd make it to an art museum...mainly cars, trucks and baseball stuff. People enjoyed it and didn't question it, and my mother would put it on the fridge. Nowadays if a kid draws a table and chairs, you have 34,435 people psycho-analyzing the kid to find out what he was feeling and why he drew it to determine whether or not he's gonna blow up his house. Maybe he will. Maybe he's just drawing the table and chairs because that is where he wants to plan where to put the dead rat to scare his sister.
People need to stop over thinking what everything feels like and just do something cause it makes us feel warm in our funparts. That is what decency and Christmas should be about. Well maybe not about the warm in the funparts thing...that is unless you're into that. Just make sure it's legal.
I did not think of a fully thought out ending for this because I suck at endings. Honestly I hate them for the most part, except if its a really lame radio commercial. That is why I got Satellite radio in my car...except they have commercials now...that sucks. Oh yeah, endings. I suppose I'll end with this:
Remember that you are stronger then fear. Remember to be decent. And remember that for Christmas I want a nail gun.
I don't really understand it...maybe that is because my A.D.D. riddled brain really won't let me, or maybe it's because it doesn't want too. Who knows. Either way something is off kilter.
When I was a kid everything was simpler, made more sense and required less batteries.
I really have to wonder what has become of the holiday season. When did we all let it stress us out more then make us happy? I remember when I was really little and I couldn't sleep the night before no matter how hard I tried. Now I can't sleep because there is simply too much to do. Gift-wrapping, cooking, making sure the last of the Christmas cards got out and making sure the snowball cannon is aimed at the neighbors door at the perfect face level.
I remember when I was little and Santa was real and gave me a candy cane. Now I see Santa looking at Sports Illustrated calendars on his lunch break and telling me "it helps the North Pole." Thanks St. Nick, now pardon me while I call Dateline and wash my brain out with something to erase that image out of it.
Common decency needs to return. Hell, so does that..."love" thing too, even though it hasn't exactly worked out for me, dammit, I hope it actually does work out for others. Cause, during ALL times of the year people truly do deserve to be happy. Everyone for the most part should be, save for Mel Gibson and anyone who owns a Lexus.
People are so quick to ignore others just to advance themselves in the world that sometimes I boggles my mind, and i'm guilty of it sometimes too. Sometimes I don't hold a door open for someone and it's something as simple as that that makes me think "is that extra 3 seconds of effort really going to put a dent into my daily schedule?" Simple things, that is all it is.
Now i'm by no means saying lets join hands and sing a rousing chorus of "we are the world." Besides, that jam is way overplayed and what the hell was Dan Aykroyd Doing in that damn video...?! A.D.D. again, sorry.
What i'm saying is...remember that every time you think your hot shit and a badass, which I do on a regular basis, one of the key things to do in keeping that badassery is respect. Not fear. Fear is just life's way of trying to keep you from going for something that you want. Fear does not make you a badass, fear does not make you powerful, it makes you a whimpering little shit, and on one likes whimpering little shits. This is why R2D2 kept trying to ditch C3P0 throughout all 3 real Star Wars movies. He was nothing but afraid of everything the whole damn time.
A person who I know that shall remain nameless leads through treating their peers decently. This person knows peoples weaknesses and their strengths, and knows how best to utilize them for whatever purpose, and people enjoy the company of this person.
Look I realize that to err is to human yes, but it seems like for some reason everyone has gotten stuck in the err phase for far too long and i'm honestly sick of fucking seeing it.
It's fucking Christmas. Just wake up, look at a little kid, look at how its all still fresh for them, and try, at least for a few days to remember what it was like for you when you were that age and if you had a crappy childhood, then maybe you should've stopped reading this about 3 minutes or so ago? I dunno, how slow do you read? Me I'm fairly quick. I'm going off track again...that damn A.D.D. again.
I remember when I was a kid and I used to draw things...nothing that'd make it to an art museum...mainly cars, trucks and baseball stuff. People enjoyed it and didn't question it, and my mother would put it on the fridge. Nowadays if a kid draws a table and chairs, you have 34,435 people psycho-analyzing the kid to find out what he was feeling and why he drew it to determine whether or not he's gonna blow up his house. Maybe he will. Maybe he's just drawing the table and chairs because that is where he wants to plan where to put the dead rat to scare his sister.
People need to stop over thinking what everything feels like and just do something cause it makes us feel warm in our funparts. That is what decency and Christmas should be about. Well maybe not about the warm in the funparts thing...that is unless you're into that. Just make sure it's legal.
I did not think of a fully thought out ending for this because I suck at endings. Honestly I hate them for the most part, except if its a really lame radio commercial. That is why I got Satellite radio in my car...except they have commercials now...that sucks. Oh yeah, endings. I suppose I'll end with this:
Remember that you are stronger then fear. Remember to be decent. And remember that for Christmas I want a nail gun.
Monday, November 22, 2010
For the longest time now, I've wanted to really write something. I have a mass of ideas in my head, but due to...well..life...and my A.D.D....the thoughts come out at the times in which I am no where near a place to write, one of these places is the shower.
I don't what it is about bathrooms that spark the creative mind for me, but that is often where I get the majority of my ideas. I know musicians claim that the acoustics in the bathroom are often top notch...however not being a musician I wouldn't know. Maybe my brainwaves bounce off the tiles better in there then in my own bedroom? Who knows.
One thing I do know is Thanksgiving is Thursday. What do I have to be thankful for? People always ask that question during this holiday and the generic answers usually flow from everyone; "my family", "my health", "my job."
I'm tired of generic. Everywhere you look in the world, all you see is generic, same old bull in pretty much every corner you look. Hardly anyone dares to be different any more and those who do are met with unoriginal, scared stiff's. People are so afraid to take chances in this society that we've become soft. I'd rather see a bunch of free thinkers take an original chance on something, be it movies, art, way of life or whatever...then see the same old boring crap everywhere I look.
Directly across from where i'm presently working, I get to see a "photo studio" where the brainless bimbos, who might I add have zero clue what they're doing for the most part, pile on tons of crap in an attempt to, and i'm trying to remember exactly what a friend of mine said here..."make you feel better about yourself." This means they assume you go in feeling bad about yourself. This to me is a dangerous assumption. Made all the more dangerous by the fact that it's being made by people who should not be operating a clicky pen let alone a camera.
I'll be the first to admit that I know very little about the technical side of photography, but I am at least trying. Like I said, I have A.D.D...so learning tech...I wonder if I can make a boat outta tin foil, i bet it'd...where was I...oh yeah, cameras. I will be the first to tell you that it's tough for me...but I at least try. Yesterday I was calf deep in muck that oozed all sorts of evil...seriously, it started out as tan mud, but once you put your foot in it, it came out black and yellow. I did this in an effort to get some of the best photos I've gotten in a long time. These photos will go up on my website, and people will not buy them, because the economy is crap...or because they'd rather go to crappy "photo-studios" where they pile on so much after effect to a photo i'm pretty sure it wouldn't even make it into Star Wars Episode 3.005-2.
So to those morons I am thankful for continuing to ruin photography for those of us who truly want to make something of it.
What else am I thankful for? I could go on again about how much the Weather Channel had gone downhill do to NBC's involvement, but who wants to hear that?
Maybe I could be thankful for high beam headlights and death metal...which will hopefully continue to keep the deer away from my car?
What about all those happy people roaming this world? Should I be thankful for them, and the fact that sight of all them being so damn happy makes me taste vomit...or maybe it's just whatever i'm smelling coming over from jersey. I'm glad that everyone has jobs they love and great paychecks and is happy with someone. Really, I am. Continue to live it up. I am thankful that everyone is happy.
This is one of the many things I don't get about this holiday. The fake-ness of it all. No one is really thankful for this stuff. They merely want to ingest as much tryptophan as humanly possible, watch over pampered athletes slam into each other, and then wake up at the crack of dawn to make working peoples lives a living hell.
Anyone that works retail on black Friday deserves a friggin medal, because lemme tell ya, I know a lot of people say "oh i'm not that bad when it comes to Christmas shopping." Well...you know what? Yes you friggin are. Not one retail employee is happy to see you that day. In fact, most of us probably wish bad things upon you and your 8 bags of crap in one hand and screaming child in the other.
Most people would be afraid to freely admit to those feelings, but I however simply don't care. Like earlier noted, I'm being a free-thinker. And ya know what? That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my funparts.
Does this make me a bad person? I don't think so. Does it make me think the Apocalypse is coming? No. As a matter of fact, we will all be here after 2012. Why? Well for starters, If Marty McFly and Doc Brown taught us anything, we will be here till at least 2015.
And for that...I am thankful. I am also thankful that this year will nearly be over, despite the fact I'll likely be spending it the same way I started it. Sitting on a couch by myself in my living room with a box of Cheez-It's and a bottle of Pepsi.
Oh, i'm also thankful for Chocolate too.
I don't what it is about bathrooms that spark the creative mind for me, but that is often where I get the majority of my ideas. I know musicians claim that the acoustics in the bathroom are often top notch...however not being a musician I wouldn't know. Maybe my brainwaves bounce off the tiles better in there then in my own bedroom? Who knows.
One thing I do know is Thanksgiving is Thursday. What do I have to be thankful for? People always ask that question during this holiday and the generic answers usually flow from everyone; "my family", "my health", "my job."
I'm tired of generic. Everywhere you look in the world, all you see is generic, same old bull in pretty much every corner you look. Hardly anyone dares to be different any more and those who do are met with unoriginal, scared stiff's. People are so afraid to take chances in this society that we've become soft. I'd rather see a bunch of free thinkers take an original chance on something, be it movies, art, way of life or whatever...then see the same old boring crap everywhere I look.
Directly across from where i'm presently working, I get to see a "photo studio" where the brainless bimbos, who might I add have zero clue what they're doing for the most part, pile on tons of crap in an attempt to, and i'm trying to remember exactly what a friend of mine said here..."make you feel better about yourself." This means they assume you go in feeling bad about yourself. This to me is a dangerous assumption. Made all the more dangerous by the fact that it's being made by people who should not be operating a clicky pen let alone a camera.
I'll be the first to admit that I know very little about the technical side of photography, but I am at least trying. Like I said, I have A.D.D...so learning tech...I wonder if I can make a boat outta tin foil, i bet it'd...where was I...oh yeah, cameras. I will be the first to tell you that it's tough for me...but I at least try. Yesterday I was calf deep in muck that oozed all sorts of evil...seriously, it started out as tan mud, but once you put your foot in it, it came out black and yellow. I did this in an effort to get some of the best photos I've gotten in a long time. These photos will go up on my website, and people will not buy them, because the economy is crap...or because they'd rather go to crappy "photo-studios" where they pile on so much after effect to a photo i'm pretty sure it wouldn't even make it into Star Wars Episode 3.005-2.
So to those morons I am thankful for continuing to ruin photography for those of us who truly want to make something of it.
What else am I thankful for? I could go on again about how much the Weather Channel had gone downhill do to NBC's involvement, but who wants to hear that?
Maybe I could be thankful for high beam headlights and death metal...which will hopefully continue to keep the deer away from my car?
What about all those happy people roaming this world? Should I be thankful for them, and the fact that sight of all them being so damn happy makes me taste vomit...or maybe it's just whatever i'm smelling coming over from jersey. I'm glad that everyone has jobs they love and great paychecks and is happy with someone. Really, I am. Continue to live it up. I am thankful that everyone is happy.
This is one of the many things I don't get about this holiday. The fake-ness of it all. No one is really thankful for this stuff. They merely want to ingest as much tryptophan as humanly possible, watch over pampered athletes slam into each other, and then wake up at the crack of dawn to make working peoples lives a living hell.
Anyone that works retail on black Friday deserves a friggin medal, because lemme tell ya, I know a lot of people say "oh i'm not that bad when it comes to Christmas shopping." Well...you know what? Yes you friggin are. Not one retail employee is happy to see you that day. In fact, most of us probably wish bad things upon you and your 8 bags of crap in one hand and screaming child in the other.
Most people would be afraid to freely admit to those feelings, but I however simply don't care. Like earlier noted, I'm being a free-thinker. And ya know what? That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my funparts.
Does this make me a bad person? I don't think so. Does it make me think the Apocalypse is coming? No. As a matter of fact, we will all be here after 2012. Why? Well for starters, If Marty McFly and Doc Brown taught us anything, we will be here till at least 2015.
And for that...I am thankful. I am also thankful that this year will nearly be over, despite the fact I'll likely be spending it the same way I started it. Sitting on a couch by myself in my living room with a box of Cheez-It's and a bottle of Pepsi.
Oh, i'm also thankful for Chocolate too.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Originally I had no idea what to write this year.
Usually I retell a bit of my experiences from that day, and go on until i'm sure no one wants to hear it anymore. I've been doing this every year since 2001.
A few days ago, something happened to me, and while I won't go into detail about it, I will say that it has forever changed my future, altering a path that I once thought I was intended to walk down. And while I know this may sound melodramatic to an extent, it to me, means something. It's not everyday you essentially have your hopes and dreams essentially ripped from your person.
While i'm trying not to dwell on these recent events, those of you who know me best know that, at best, that's difficult for me. I've been described as myopic, but rest assured I am trying.
After the events of the last few days, i find myself more mentally spent and exhausted then i've felt in a while, which is why this will be brief, or at least why I intend it to be brief.
One thing i've come to realize throughout the course of this experience is that, much like this city and this country, and its people following that September day, this should be viewed as a time when you look adversity and the unknown in the face and push forward and persevere.
So as the saying goes, while a door may have been closed, a window has been opened. And I will not only crawl through that window, but I will dust myself off and see whats next, and I will succeed.
Usually I retell a bit of my experiences from that day, and go on until i'm sure no one wants to hear it anymore. I've been doing this every year since 2001.
A few days ago, something happened to me, and while I won't go into detail about it, I will say that it has forever changed my future, altering a path that I once thought I was intended to walk down. And while I know this may sound melodramatic to an extent, it to me, means something. It's not everyday you essentially have your hopes and dreams essentially ripped from your person.
While i'm trying not to dwell on these recent events, those of you who know me best know that, at best, that's difficult for me. I've been described as myopic, but rest assured I am trying.
After the events of the last few days, i find myself more mentally spent and exhausted then i've felt in a while, which is why this will be brief, or at least why I intend it to be brief.
One thing i've come to realize throughout the course of this experience is that, much like this city and this country, and its people following that September day, this should be viewed as a time when you look adversity and the unknown in the face and push forward and persevere.
So as the saying goes, while a door may have been closed, a window has been opened. And I will not only crawl through that window, but I will dust myself off and see whats next, and I will succeed.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I will now continue on my rant about how bad the Weather Channel has gotten among other things.
We currently have 2...no wait...3....or is it 4....tropical entities, namely 2 hurricanes in the Atlantic right now, one of which is a CAT4, or as Henry Rollins would put it, "Hurricane Motherfucker" type storm. Is the WEATHER CHANNEL covering this? Not right now....they're showing what it would be like "if" an Earthquake would strike Las Vegas.
I don't care about that. I'm pretty sure no one in Vegas even cares about that. What they probably care about is "will this stack of 50's look better on a craps table or in a hookers g-string?"
What it shows, instead of hurricane coverage, hell instead of earthquake footage, is a video of Vegas that someone shook like an etch a sketch. How is this relevant?!?!?!?!?!?!
I want to know about the hurricane, and I want to know if it's gonna hit the Carolina coast, which is what it looks like may happen, or if it's gonna come up here give me the chance to go out and get a surfboard, which also may happen.
I want a surfboard anyway. Not really to surf, because lets face it, thats just a recipe for disaster, but just to have it. I have a whole list of things I want to have, it's on Amazon.com
On this list I happen to have a nail gun. This I could really have some fun(damage)with. It'd have to come with a keen holster though, and when I wore it, i'd get all(none)the ladies.
We currently have 2...no wait...3....or is it 4....tropical entities, namely 2 hurricanes in the Atlantic right now, one of which is a CAT4, or as Henry Rollins would put it, "Hurricane Motherfucker" type storm. Is the WEATHER CHANNEL covering this? Not right now....they're showing what it would be like "if" an Earthquake would strike Las Vegas.
I don't care about that. I'm pretty sure no one in Vegas even cares about that. What they probably care about is "will this stack of 50's look better on a craps table or in a hookers g-string?"
What it shows, instead of hurricane coverage, hell instead of earthquake footage, is a video of Vegas that someone shook like an etch a sketch. How is this relevant?!?!?!?!?!?!
I want to know about the hurricane, and I want to know if it's gonna hit the Carolina coast, which is what it looks like may happen, or if it's gonna come up here give me the chance to go out and get a surfboard, which also may happen.
I want a surfboard anyway. Not really to surf, because lets face it, thats just a recipe for disaster, but just to have it. I have a whole list of things I want to have, it's on Amazon.com
On this list I happen to have a nail gun. This I could really have some fun(damage)with. It'd have to come with a keen holster though, and when I wore it, i'd get all(none)the ladies.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Baseball ticked me off again tonight. These "Umpires"...wow. Angry. OK. 1..2..3...better.
Jim Joyce's blown call against Armando Galaraga with a perfect game going in the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs might go down as one of the single worst calls in umpiring history. It's a year where the usually "invisible" umpires are sadly becoming more visible, to the point where loudmouth fatass Joe West got fined for just generally being a moron.
This, to me is showing why its becoming harder and harder for me to be a MLB fan. The fans are getting screwed more and more each game, each day and each play.
BUT. I have, what I believe are some very good ideas to bring the game back to prominence, and I will go further into them now.
1]INSTANT REPLAY- Enough with this "it'll make the game longer" nonsense. If you don't like the length of the games, leave the park or change the channel. I'd rather stick around a few extra minutes just to see the right call, than leave the park a few minutes early with a blood pressure reading that will boil steel. I don't wanna see it for home run calls, I wanna see it for every call. Make it like football, each time gets 3 or 4 challenges a game and that's it.
2]ELIMINATE MOST UMPIRES- Save for the home plate ump, whose only job should be ball and strike calls, all umps seem to do is piss off people. Eliminate them. It'll save the game money. Replace them with the official scorer, or better yet, technology. In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Michael Phelps won a race by .01 seconds, the only way they can tell was with a computer chip in the wall that he touched. Surely we can do something like this for baseball. Have the base blink as soon as the runner touches it.
3]END INTERLEAGUE GAMES- I might be wrong on this, but I think I remember that when interleague was announced, that it was only supposed to be for 5 years or something like that. Now it's every year and some of the match ups have lost their luster. Yankees vs. Pirates? That is a joke. Royals vs. Phillies? C'mon. Not only do you risk injuring pitchers, you kinda make the World Series less exciting. It was more exciting when teams from different leagues faced each other only on Spring Training games and the Series. If Interleague must stay, make it one series, like Yanks vs. Mets or White Sox vs. Cubs, the days leading up to the All Star break.
4]MORE TEAMS OR REALIGNMENT- The National League has more teams then American, and It has always bothered me as to why that is. Either move 2 teams to the AL, likely the Rockies or the Pirates, or form new teams. Surely Las Vegas is over due for a pro sports franchise, or dare I suggest somewhere in America's breadbasket? Maybe Oklahoma City, Topeka, Kansas, or Omaha, Nebraska? There are whole regions of the country that have no baseball near them, and it's supposed to be Americas pastime.
5]THROWBACKS- Wanna have a game with throwback uniforms to bring back a sense of "old time" baseball? Great idea, but lets take it a step further. For those games, lets also have throwback prices. I don't think MLB would lose much for $5 or so seats for the whole park for one or two days.
6]SALARY CAP- Yea, I know i'm gonna catch flack for this but I don't care. I get sick to my stomach when I see guys complaining about not making an extra $40 million a year on top of the $60 million they're already making when some people are digging in dumpsters for food and teachers and firefighters are losing their jobs meanwhile these pampered blowhards get paid ludicrous amounts of money to play a game we all happily play or played as kids for free. Whatever happened to "for love of the game?" In addition to the regular salary, these bums already get money from endorsements anyway. So what if they don't make that extra 40 mil? Can't afford that 3rd Mercedes? Whaaa.
7]PERSONAL CONDUCT FINES- The NFL has it, so why can't MLB? If I have to see Manny Ramierez stare lovingly at his HR for 10 minutes before he decides to run the bases, i'm gonna jump through my TV and strangle him with his own dreadlocks. For players who do this, there should be a mandatory $50,000 fine. Quit staring and run the bases like Williams, Mantle and the rest of the real players did.
8]HOMETOWN PLAYERS- This might be a little controversial at first but I believe it could have good repercussions long term. I think, in order to bring the hometown feel back to the game, every 25 man roster should feature at least 2 players who were born in or spent most of their life within 50 miles of the team they play for. I think it'd do a lot for the game. It'd give the fans a hometown guy to root for. Sure I like Posada and Pettitte but I Jeter was born close by. And while I know this might be sore subject with some, Teixeira was born in Baltimore, which is why he is currently reviled there. I love rooting for hometowners.
9]RAIN DELAYS- This one is simple. If it's a night game and the delay goes on for longer then an hour, call the game. I'm tired of waiting for hours at a time to see if they resumed play.
Wow. Look at that, 9 ideas....9 innings...9 players on the field. That tied up nicely didn't it? Oh Wait, extra Innings!!
10] FIRE BUD SELIG
Nuff' Said.
Jim Joyce's blown call against Armando Galaraga with a perfect game going in the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs might go down as one of the single worst calls in umpiring history. It's a year where the usually "invisible" umpires are sadly becoming more visible, to the point where loudmouth fatass Joe West got fined for just generally being a moron.
This, to me is showing why its becoming harder and harder for me to be a MLB fan. The fans are getting screwed more and more each game, each day and each play.
BUT. I have, what I believe are some very good ideas to bring the game back to prominence, and I will go further into them now.
1]INSTANT REPLAY- Enough with this "it'll make the game longer" nonsense. If you don't like the length of the games, leave the park or change the channel. I'd rather stick around a few extra minutes just to see the right call, than leave the park a few minutes early with a blood pressure reading that will boil steel. I don't wanna see it for home run calls, I wanna see it for every call. Make it like football, each time gets 3 or 4 challenges a game and that's it.
2]ELIMINATE MOST UMPIRES- Save for the home plate ump, whose only job should be ball and strike calls, all umps seem to do is piss off people. Eliminate them. It'll save the game money. Replace them with the official scorer, or better yet, technology. In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Michael Phelps won a race by .01 seconds, the only way they can tell was with a computer chip in the wall that he touched. Surely we can do something like this for baseball. Have the base blink as soon as the runner touches it.
3]END INTERLEAGUE GAMES- I might be wrong on this, but I think I remember that when interleague was announced, that it was only supposed to be for 5 years or something like that. Now it's every year and some of the match ups have lost their luster. Yankees vs. Pirates? That is a joke. Royals vs. Phillies? C'mon. Not only do you risk injuring pitchers, you kinda make the World Series less exciting. It was more exciting when teams from different leagues faced each other only on Spring Training games and the Series. If Interleague must stay, make it one series, like Yanks vs. Mets or White Sox vs. Cubs, the days leading up to the All Star break.
4]MORE TEAMS OR REALIGNMENT- The National League has more teams then American, and It has always bothered me as to why that is. Either move 2 teams to the AL, likely the Rockies or the Pirates, or form new teams. Surely Las Vegas is over due for a pro sports franchise, or dare I suggest somewhere in America's breadbasket? Maybe Oklahoma City, Topeka, Kansas, or Omaha, Nebraska? There are whole regions of the country that have no baseball near them, and it's supposed to be Americas pastime.
5]THROWBACKS- Wanna have a game with throwback uniforms to bring back a sense of "old time" baseball? Great idea, but lets take it a step further. For those games, lets also have throwback prices. I don't think MLB would lose much for $5 or so seats for the whole park for one or two days.
6]SALARY CAP- Yea, I know i'm gonna catch flack for this but I don't care. I get sick to my stomach when I see guys complaining about not making an extra $40 million a year on top of the $60 million they're already making when some people are digging in dumpsters for food and teachers and firefighters are losing their jobs meanwhile these pampered blowhards get paid ludicrous amounts of money to play a game we all happily play or played as kids for free. Whatever happened to "for love of the game?" In addition to the regular salary, these bums already get money from endorsements anyway. So what if they don't make that extra 40 mil? Can't afford that 3rd Mercedes? Whaaa.
7]PERSONAL CONDUCT FINES- The NFL has it, so why can't MLB? If I have to see Manny Ramierez stare lovingly at his HR for 10 minutes before he decides to run the bases, i'm gonna jump through my TV and strangle him with his own dreadlocks. For players who do this, there should be a mandatory $50,000 fine. Quit staring and run the bases like Williams, Mantle and the rest of the real players did.
8]HOMETOWN PLAYERS- This might be a little controversial at first but I believe it could have good repercussions long term. I think, in order to bring the hometown feel back to the game, every 25 man roster should feature at least 2 players who were born in or spent most of their life within 50 miles of the team they play for. I think it'd do a lot for the game. It'd give the fans a hometown guy to root for. Sure I like Posada and Pettitte but I Jeter was born close by. And while I know this might be sore subject with some, Teixeira was born in Baltimore, which is why he is currently reviled there. I love rooting for hometowners.
9]RAIN DELAYS- This one is simple. If it's a night game and the delay goes on for longer then an hour, call the game. I'm tired of waiting for hours at a time to see if they resumed play.
Wow. Look at that, 9 ideas....9 innings...9 players on the field. That tied up nicely didn't it? Oh Wait, extra Innings!!
10] FIRE BUD SELIG
Nuff' Said.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Well it's been over a week now since my ear surgery and even though I've been outside, i'm still going stir crazy. It's not fun. Now for those of you who didn't know, yes, I had surgery last week. 
I lost a lot of my hearing in my left side. They did CT Scans and couldn't even see my ear drum. So they went in there to repair everything and found out what coulda been a tumor was a bone. Fun times. They also did a skin graft, which for those of you who aren't medically knowledgeable means taking skin from an undamaged part of the body, usually under the arm of the back of the thigh and putting it where damaged skin is. They do it a lot on burn victims.
So they did that to my ear, removed the bad tissue and bone and stitched me up, yet right now it ain't pretty. I look like my ear got into a boxing match with a rat. There are are also drops I have to take that help drain the ear...which makes me leak like a BP Oil rig(Too soon?).
Either way, I now get a lot of time to watch TV and root the internets for fun things. I've been trying to avoid the news for the most part, because frankly it's depressing. I really don't want to hear about Oil leaks, firehouse closings and budget crises, but alas, I hear about them anyway.
Those of you who have known me for at least 5 minutes, know how big a part of my life the fire department is. So you can imagine when I hear that our jagoff of a "mayor" once again is going after them, i tend to get...angry. Closing firehouses is not a smart way to plug up budget holes. Especially on my forgotten rock. Staten Island doesn't even have enough fire protection now. What will happen when the now mostly empty 36 acre Stapleton Home port gets developed with 800 or so housing units? More people will someday mean more potential fires.
Same Goes for the Fresh Kills park idea, which will turn 2200 acres of former landfill into a park almost three times the size of Central Park.
The problem with that is that parks here on Staten Island tend to catch fire an awful lot, with Great Kills going up on average of 3 times a year, many of those fires reaching at least 3 alarms.
The more alarms, the more units needed. The more units needed, the more they pull in from other boroughs, in turn leaving them unprotected. A classic example of this was in April, when 4 fires broke out in one day on this island. The second of those fires had more units from Brooklyn then Staten Island! Closing houses is not the answer!
Nor is hiring people based on the color of their skin, especially in a job where other people's lives depend on it. I mean for crying out loud, do you really want someone answering the call that is only there because some judge wanted their idea of "Equality"?
Equality is everyone getting a fair shot. Everyone, not a specific group. I don't care if the person saving lives is black, white, Asian, alien or whatever the hell species Joan Rivers is, so long as they got there based on their ability, end of story.
Since the surgery I've been watching a lot of the older episodes of "Build It Bigger" on the Discovery Science Channel, and if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. As far as building shows go, it is unique in the fact that it's host, Danny Forster, seen below, is actually an architect.
Danny goes around to building sites from the Washington Nationals baseball stadium in D.C. to the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. Oh yea, and he doesn't like heights, so putting him in a crane in Singapore sees him flip out a bit, which adds a human side to the simple documentary. Not only do you learn, you feel like you're on site with him. He also does not clutter up the show with architectural jargon. He explains everything to the viewer with such ease it almost makes you feel like you can build these places. His enthusiasm for the field of design truly makes the show shine, which is why it's one of my favorites.
It is doing a far better job of entertaining me then the finale of LOST, which was a complete disappointment. Maybe "Castle" won't let me down as my new serial of choice when it returns this fall. Maybe I need to stop watching so much TV?
One thing I have realized during this time is I got some pretty damn good friends. From the Chocolate Syringe that I got from White Chocolate And Zucchini to the cards from Lasagna...from the visit by Corky and Crash to the Package from Lor and the tons of texts, emails, comments and the such, you guys sure know how to make a guy feel good when he has his ear rebuilt like the six million dollar man....which ironically I never did watch. Go figure.
Also, while I was being sliced open like a Turkey on Thanksgiving, my good friends The Neccos welcomed a new wafer into the package, Cassandra Hope, who undoubtedly is being fitted for her cape as I type this.
I lost a lot of my hearing in my left side. They did CT Scans and couldn't even see my ear drum. So they went in there to repair everything and found out what coulda been a tumor was a bone. Fun times. They also did a skin graft, which for those of you who aren't medically knowledgeable means taking skin from an undamaged part of the body, usually under the arm of the back of the thigh and putting it where damaged skin is. They do it a lot on burn victims.
So they did that to my ear, removed the bad tissue and bone and stitched me up, yet right now it ain't pretty. I look like my ear got into a boxing match with a rat. There are are also drops I have to take that help drain the ear...which makes me leak like a BP Oil rig(Too soon?).
Either way, I now get a lot of time to watch TV and root the internets for fun things. I've been trying to avoid the news for the most part, because frankly it's depressing. I really don't want to hear about Oil leaks, firehouse closings and budget crises, but alas, I hear about them anyway.
Those of you who have known me for at least 5 minutes, know how big a part of my life the fire department is. So you can imagine when I hear that our jagoff of a "mayor" once again is going after them, i tend to get...angry. Closing firehouses is not a smart way to plug up budget holes. Especially on my forgotten rock. Staten Island doesn't even have enough fire protection now. What will happen when the now mostly empty 36 acre Stapleton Home port gets developed with 800 or so housing units? More people will someday mean more potential fires.
Same Goes for the Fresh Kills park idea, which will turn 2200 acres of former landfill into a park almost three times the size of Central Park.
The problem with that is that parks here on Staten Island tend to catch fire an awful lot, with Great Kills going up on average of 3 times a year, many of those fires reaching at least 3 alarms.
The more alarms, the more units needed. The more units needed, the more they pull in from other boroughs, in turn leaving them unprotected. A classic example of this was in April, when 4 fires broke out in one day on this island. The second of those fires had more units from Brooklyn then Staten Island! Closing houses is not the answer!
Nor is hiring people based on the color of their skin, especially in a job where other people's lives depend on it. I mean for crying out loud, do you really want someone answering the call that is only there because some judge wanted their idea of "Equality"?
Equality is everyone getting a fair shot. Everyone, not a specific group. I don't care if the person saving lives is black, white, Asian, alien or whatever the hell species Joan Rivers is, so long as they got there based on their ability, end of story.
Since the surgery I've been watching a lot of the older episodes of "Build It Bigger" on the Discovery Science Channel, and if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. As far as building shows go, it is unique in the fact that it's host, Danny Forster, seen below, is actually an architect.
Danny goes around to building sites from the Washington Nationals baseball stadium in D.C. to the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. Oh yea, and he doesn't like heights, so putting him in a crane in Singapore sees him flip out a bit, which adds a human side to the simple documentary. Not only do you learn, you feel like you're on site with him. He also does not clutter up the show with architectural jargon. He explains everything to the viewer with such ease it almost makes you feel like you can build these places. His enthusiasm for the field of design truly makes the show shine, which is why it's one of my favorites.It is doing a far better job of entertaining me then the finale of LOST, which was a complete disappointment. Maybe "Castle" won't let me down as my new serial of choice when it returns this fall. Maybe I need to stop watching so much TV?
One thing I have realized during this time is I got some pretty damn good friends. From the Chocolate Syringe that I got from White Chocolate And Zucchini to the cards from Lasagna...from the visit by Corky and Crash to the Package from Lor and the tons of texts, emails, comments and the such, you guys sure know how to make a guy feel good when he has his ear rebuilt like the six million dollar man....which ironically I never did watch. Go figure.
Also, while I was being sliced open like a Turkey on Thanksgiving, my good friends The Neccos welcomed a new wafer into the package, Cassandra Hope, who undoubtedly is being fitted for her cape as I type this.
Monday, February 15, 2010
After watching the first few days of Olympic coverage, I’m reminded why I only watch NBC during the Olympics. I really don’t think it’s necessary to show the death of an athlete over and over. This sensationalism that has overtaken nearly every aspect of media has gotten beyond out of hand and needs to stop. And I’m not the only one that thinks this way. Other bloggers and media watchdog groups have constantly sought out ways to end this incessant garbage that we’re plagued with.
Getting back to my gripe about NBC. As I’ve been watching the Olympics I’ve been treated to commercials for their upcoming shows and I see I’ve missed nothing. “The Marriage Ref”? Really? Celebrities giving advice on marriage? Why not just have Sarah Palin become a geography teacher?
If NBC‘s destruction of normal programming isn't enough, they've driven my beloved Weather Channel into the iceberg as well. There is more non-weather programming on then ever before. It’s THE WEATHER CHANNEL! Not the traffic/news/sports channel, yet every morning we have to deal with Al Roker, who is the most piss poor excuse for a weather forecaster that I’ve ever seen. I want my Weather Channel back NBC.
Moving on and up the channel dial from 4 to 5...if you’re a New Yorker, after watching yesterday’s Daytona 500, I’m reminded why I don’t watch a lot of NASCAR anymore. Part of it is NASCAR itself, Part of it is sports in general, and part of it is FOX. See, I’m not afraid to admit that I used to be a huge NASCAR fan. I supported my driver, Kyle Petty, for 20 years, even though when he retired, he hadn’t won a race in over a decade.
Both He and his family owned team were essentially pushed out. This team was to NASCAR what the Yankees are to baseball. But they became swallowed up by a greedy sport who cared more about the dollar then ever before, which is saying a lot for a sport that relies on sponsors more then any other. It is a shell of it’s former self. The pointless attempts at, “going back to it’s roots” have proven futile. The whole idea of NASCAR is to have racing done with STOCK cars, they used to go by the philosophy of “Win on Sunday, sell on Monday.” How can you use that philosophy if even the seat belts aren’t stock? The cars they race now are boxes on wheels.
Yesterdays race was delayed for more then 2 ½ hours because of a freaking pothole. If the NYC department of transportation actually moved their asses once in a while, that thing would have been patched up in 3 minutes. Dale Earnhardt Jr. even said “why don’t they throw a cone down and we’ll race around it.” Not a bad idea, especially considering the sports roots came from racing on hard, rough sand at the beaches a few short blocks from the track itself. But oh no, not on today’s $150,000+ cars. That’s right, $150,000 plus. You could buy 9 of my car with that kinda cash. This from a sport that used to have its competitors drive the car the raced to the track and in most cases, those drivers used it as their families car Monday-Saturday.
And to have the idiots at FOX praise NASCAR and the owners of the track was insulting. Of course they don’t have a problem with the situation. They have multi million dollar tour buses and luxury suites to hide in an occupy their time with, all the while fans in the track and on TV are left twiddling their thumbs. And not for one minute do I believe that no one left the track disgusted. But will FOX sports ever criticize anything? Of course not. For those who say I’m “whining”, let me ask you, do you remember Alan Kulwicki? Do you remember the “Dale and Dale” show? Do you remember when pit crew members held the sign for their driver to stop instead of using a pole? No. You don’t remember how good sports in general used to be. I should have realized it sooner, like during their second or third broadcast when their idiotic color commentators were “jokingly” broadcasting from, I kid you not, a hot-tub. How is one supposed to take a sport seriously at that point?
FOX has ruined sports We want to see sports. We don’t want to see the "Viagra crotch cam sponsored by Maxim." We want to see the score, not Optimus Primes neighbor transforming into the scoreboard. We want to see thoughtful interviews with a athletes, not some moron with in a bow-tie asking Derek Jeter the same question 324 times, yet trying to phrase it differently in some vain attempt to try and fool the him into answering it with something more provocative for ratings. Whatever happened to good journalism?
Journalism used to mean something. It used to be people like Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather. They made us think, made us feel and delivered real news, cut, and to the point. Now all we see is pointless drivel. I don’t care about the latest Britney Spears meltdown. I care about things THAT ACTUALLY AFFECT ME. It seems reporters care more about contracts and pleasing the fat cats then real news. There are very few real journalists nowadays and it’s disturbing. What the hell happened to our values? When did we become so consumed by what other people are doing that it became more important then our own lives?
Why is it that the world comes to a stop when a former musician/full time freak show/part time child molester finally croaks, but no one gives a damn when a solider or a firefighter or a police officer or a teacher dies. I know for a fact that those people have done far more for modern society then anyone on MTV or whatever network it is that turns people into drones nowadays.
I like Aerosmith. Have they changed my life? Absolutely not. I can however think of some firefighters on Richmond road here on Staten Island that have. I’m a fan of KT Tunstall. Has she greatly impacted me? Not nearly as much as my cousin, who’s proudly serving in the Navy. I think Tom Hanks is a great actor, but not nearly as great a teacher as some of the English teachers I had in high school. Sure Larry the Cable Guy is entertaining and funny, but I think my friends kids are more enjoyable and definitely more funny.
Modern society is falling apart quicker then the track surface at Daytona. We’ve become far too consumed by technology and over-indulgence. This is not to say I’m not a little bit guilty of it myself, but no where near the level of what some are facing. Why is it we all have to be connected at every point in our day? Why can’t we just stare at the clouds anymore?
Michael J. Fox said it best in his book,(remember those? Blocky shaped things with pieces of paper and words on em’?) “Always looking up: The Adventures Of An Incurable Optimist” about one of his daughters, Esme`; “The trick she’s mastered, or maybe it’s more of a facility than a trick, is moving effortlessly between the boundless world of her imagination and the everyday world the rest of us occupy. She’s not an escapist; she just holds two passports and travels often. I always warn babysitters, teachers, visiting relativities, or anyone else looking to occupy her with one activity or another, if you come upon her lying flat on her back on the sofa, on a rug, or in a tree branch with her eyes staring into space, she’s not doing nothing. She’s busy. Let it go.”
That’s one of the most intelligent thing’s I've read in ages. I miss that child-like sense of imagination and wonder we all had. Why the hell did everyone have to become cynical and snobby?
Look, I’m not saying we all need to become 5 year olds again, I’m not. All I’m saying is that sometimes, instead of becoming critical of everything, enjoy the simple things. I have a page from a coloring book that was colored by a very close friend’s little kid, it’s hanging up on my fridge, and y’know what, I will without any doubt proudly say it’s better then anything hanging in a museum. Why? Because when he colored it, he wasn’t trying to impress a damn soul. He was doing something that made him happy.
Maybe I’m getting retrospective again. I suppose that happens more as you get older. A great friend of mine recently purchased a home. Not an apartment, but a house, one bigger then the one I currently live in. A few years ago I might have joked at him, but for some reason I find myself overwhelmingly proud of him. Another turned 20 this week and she’s going into the military in a few weeks. She’s doing way more with her life then I am, and she’s happy.
Maybe that’s it. Yesterday was Singles awareness day and I’m never happy then. I need more people to be around. People make me happy. That and Fries. I really like fries.
Getting back to my gripe about NBC. As I’ve been watching the Olympics I’ve been treated to commercials for their upcoming shows and I see I’ve missed nothing. “The Marriage Ref”? Really? Celebrities giving advice on marriage? Why not just have Sarah Palin become a geography teacher?
If NBC‘s destruction of normal programming isn't enough, they've driven my beloved Weather Channel into the iceberg as well. There is more non-weather programming on then ever before. It’s THE WEATHER CHANNEL! Not the traffic/news/sports channel, yet every morning we have to deal with Al Roker, who is the most piss poor excuse for a weather forecaster that I’ve ever seen. I want my Weather Channel back NBC.
Moving on and up the channel dial from 4 to 5...if you’re a New Yorker, after watching yesterday’s Daytona 500, I’m reminded why I don’t watch a lot of NASCAR anymore. Part of it is NASCAR itself, Part of it is sports in general, and part of it is FOX. See, I’m not afraid to admit that I used to be a huge NASCAR fan. I supported my driver, Kyle Petty, for 20 years, even though when he retired, he hadn’t won a race in over a decade.
Both He and his family owned team were essentially pushed out. This team was to NASCAR what the Yankees are to baseball. But they became swallowed up by a greedy sport who cared more about the dollar then ever before, which is saying a lot for a sport that relies on sponsors more then any other. It is a shell of it’s former self. The pointless attempts at, “going back to it’s roots” have proven futile. The whole idea of NASCAR is to have racing done with STOCK cars, they used to go by the philosophy of “Win on Sunday, sell on Monday.” How can you use that philosophy if even the seat belts aren’t stock? The cars they race now are boxes on wheels.
Yesterdays race was delayed for more then 2 ½ hours because of a freaking pothole. If the NYC department of transportation actually moved their asses once in a while, that thing would have been patched up in 3 minutes. Dale Earnhardt Jr. even said “why don’t they throw a cone down and we’ll race around it.” Not a bad idea, especially considering the sports roots came from racing on hard, rough sand at the beaches a few short blocks from the track itself. But oh no, not on today’s $150,000+ cars. That’s right, $150,000 plus. You could buy 9 of my car with that kinda cash. This from a sport that used to have its competitors drive the car the raced to the track and in most cases, those drivers used it as their families car Monday-Saturday.
And to have the idiots at FOX praise NASCAR and the owners of the track was insulting. Of course they don’t have a problem with the situation. They have multi million dollar tour buses and luxury suites to hide in an occupy their time with, all the while fans in the track and on TV are left twiddling their thumbs. And not for one minute do I believe that no one left the track disgusted. But will FOX sports ever criticize anything? Of course not. For those who say I’m “whining”, let me ask you, do you remember Alan Kulwicki? Do you remember the “Dale and Dale” show? Do you remember when pit crew members held the sign for their driver to stop instead of using a pole? No. You don’t remember how good sports in general used to be. I should have realized it sooner, like during their second or third broadcast when their idiotic color commentators were “jokingly” broadcasting from, I kid you not, a hot-tub. How is one supposed to take a sport seriously at that point?
FOX has ruined sports We want to see sports. We don’t want to see the "Viagra crotch cam sponsored by Maxim." We want to see the score, not Optimus Primes neighbor transforming into the scoreboard. We want to see thoughtful interviews with a athletes, not some moron with in a bow-tie asking Derek Jeter the same question 324 times, yet trying to phrase it differently in some vain attempt to try and fool the him into answering it with something more provocative for ratings. Whatever happened to good journalism?
Journalism used to mean something. It used to be people like Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather. They made us think, made us feel and delivered real news, cut, and to the point. Now all we see is pointless drivel. I don’t care about the latest Britney Spears meltdown. I care about things THAT ACTUALLY AFFECT ME. It seems reporters care more about contracts and pleasing the fat cats then real news. There are very few real journalists nowadays and it’s disturbing. What the hell happened to our values? When did we become so consumed by what other people are doing that it became more important then our own lives?
Why is it that the world comes to a stop when a former musician/full time freak show/part time child molester finally croaks, but no one gives a damn when a solider or a firefighter or a police officer or a teacher dies. I know for a fact that those people have done far more for modern society then anyone on MTV or whatever network it is that turns people into drones nowadays.
I like Aerosmith. Have they changed my life? Absolutely not. I can however think of some firefighters on Richmond road here on Staten Island that have. I’m a fan of KT Tunstall. Has she greatly impacted me? Not nearly as much as my cousin, who’s proudly serving in the Navy. I think Tom Hanks is a great actor, but not nearly as great a teacher as some of the English teachers I had in high school. Sure Larry the Cable Guy is entertaining and funny, but I think my friends kids are more enjoyable and definitely more funny.
Modern society is falling apart quicker then the track surface at Daytona. We’ve become far too consumed by technology and over-indulgence. This is not to say I’m not a little bit guilty of it myself, but no where near the level of what some are facing. Why is it we all have to be connected at every point in our day? Why can’t we just stare at the clouds anymore?
Michael J. Fox said it best in his book,(remember those? Blocky shaped things with pieces of paper and words on em’?) “Always looking up: The Adventures Of An Incurable Optimist” about one of his daughters, Esme`; “The trick she’s mastered, or maybe it’s more of a facility than a trick, is moving effortlessly between the boundless world of her imagination and the everyday world the rest of us occupy. She’s not an escapist; she just holds two passports and travels often. I always warn babysitters, teachers, visiting relativities, or anyone else looking to occupy her with one activity or another, if you come upon her lying flat on her back on the sofa, on a rug, or in a tree branch with her eyes staring into space, she’s not doing nothing. She’s busy. Let it go.”
That’s one of the most intelligent thing’s I've read in ages. I miss that child-like sense of imagination and wonder we all had. Why the hell did everyone have to become cynical and snobby?
Look, I’m not saying we all need to become 5 year olds again, I’m not. All I’m saying is that sometimes, instead of becoming critical of everything, enjoy the simple things. I have a page from a coloring book that was colored by a very close friend’s little kid, it’s hanging up on my fridge, and y’know what, I will without any doubt proudly say it’s better then anything hanging in a museum. Why? Because when he colored it, he wasn’t trying to impress a damn soul. He was doing something that made him happy.
Maybe I’m getting retrospective again. I suppose that happens more as you get older. A great friend of mine recently purchased a home. Not an apartment, but a house, one bigger then the one I currently live in. A few years ago I might have joked at him, but for some reason I find myself overwhelmingly proud of him. Another turned 20 this week and she’s going into the military in a few weeks. She’s doing way more with her life then I am, and she’s happy.
Maybe that’s it. Yesterday was Singles awareness day and I’m never happy then. I need more people to be around. People make me happy. That and Fries. I really like fries.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)