3am and i'm writing. And for a change it ain't a crackpot movie script idea or Banner article. I don't know where i'm going with this so tighten the seatbelts on whatever piece of Staples or Ikea made office furniture your ass is sitting in right now.
I'm going to be 23 on the 21st of this lovely, scizo weather month. 23 and I don't look forward to it. Could be due to the fact that the past few years of my life haven't excatly been stellar. Most of you know the sob story. For those that don't...I don't exactly feel like going into detials...but for the sake of giving this part of the story some depth...Lost my mother, Lost my job, lost faith in some "friends", and basicly lost trust in almost all humanity.
Everyone gives the usual line of "It'll get better, just wait." Well, for an impatient person such as I, waiting is for lack of a better term...stupid. I've dealt with the rough blows and pitfalls for long enough at this point and I feel as though I've waited long enough. I'm not out looking for pity. I don't want a handout, I don't even want a pat on the back. I just want a good break.
I'm not saying my life is terrible. I know for a fact that compared to others, I've got it good. I got a nice home, got food and something resembiling a modern American family.
In the past 23 years i've learned that holding on to things is not entirely a bad thing as some have thought. People tend to try and forget the past and look to the future and blindly think that there problems will be solved by some amazing machine. Way I see it, you can't go forward unless you go back a lil bit. Though, try as I have, I can't seem to look back and find the answer as to how to help pull through this pit that has been the last few years of my life.
Now before all 2 of you who read this get nervous..I ain't planning on going anywhere or doing anything drastic..save for maybe buying a pair of shorts.
And not everything has been doom and gloom, as evidenced by the fact i'm not pale white and dressing in all black saying "life is death and I hate the living."
This also could be that pre/post birthday blues manifesting itself in some sort of 3am rant that i'll forget about when I wake up in the morni...er...afternoon. This could also have to due with the fact that I had a conversation with a friend tonite in which I was given praise on some of my previous rants and encouraged to write more. Frankly I didn't think the rants were that great and I'm not sure what to write about now so i'm just emptying whatever is left of my brain for the day on to here. I'm sure it'll stop making any sense shortly, that is if in fact it has made any up till now.
I still disagree with said friend in regards to my writing ability. I just put down what I feel and hope it makes a little bit of sense. Most of the time it has something to do with the FDNY, so for me that makes sense. And now I can offically say this makes sense cause i've mentioned the FDNY.
Speaking of which, I visited Staten Island's newest house today, Engine Company 168. The house isn't exactly new persay. It was built over a year ago, but thanks to the shitheaded excuse for a mayor, didn't get an Engine. It did however get am EMS Battallion. The house, which is in the Rossville section of the island, is enormous, with the ability to hold at least 2 engine and 2 truck(ladder) companies. That part of the island has been one of the many that is suffering from rampant overdevolpment and an immense population boom. Yet up untill now, had very little fire coverage. So after presure from my boy, City Council speaker and Democratic mayoral hopeful Gifford Miller, and councilman Jim Oddo, we finally got the Engine. We still need more though. But i'll save that rant for a later time.
So what else is there to write about? At this point of the night, after the week and day and year i've had my brain is pretty well fried. I could write about how I hate being 22 and still single but everyone under the sun has hear that 40 million times at this point. I could write about how my back and shoulders are killing me but then i'd be sued by Major League Baseball for using one of their storylines(even thats scripted folks.)I could write about how todays weather was more fun then a barrel of monkeys but then i'd be lying. I could also write about how I have the most comfortable bed ever, but instead I think i'll go sleep in it. G'nite. And have a Pleasant tomorrow.