Luke's Very Excellent Don't Die In The Heat Tips!!!

 Hey everyone, it's your favorite weather geek, back to entertain and enthrall, while informing and protecting you all, because no one watches the news or weather nowadays due to the fear of, well...just everything. Really.

Now keep in mind, I am not the official, final word on weather, nor am I an authority. My training comes from years of studying, watching forecasts & some experimentation. I am a registered storms spotter with the National Weather Service, but am NOT an employee. 

At the end of the day, I am a highly informed, good looking, single, educated weather-smart individual. I have correctly tracked, and predicted storms in the past, including Hurricane Irene& Sandy. My forecasts, as well as my cooking, have been sought out by many.

Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, the forecast.

Next week, actually this weekend, starting on Sunday, 6/22/25, the east coast, especially the NYC metro area, will be experiencing high temperatures. Thats an understatement.. Tuesday alone, some forecasts are calling for the temp. to be 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Thats 41 Celsius for you...weirdos. Many of us haven't felt heat like this in a long time, especially since the last 9 or so years have felt like 40 years. In fact, the last time NYC proper.(The official weather station is in Bethesda Castle, in the middle of the park, not the geographic center of the city, which is in Woodside Queens, where it should be, but I digress.) was in 2012, and we all know how well that year went.

"But what about the heat index?" You may ask. Well lil Timmy, you idiot, I personally don't buy into the heat index or the wind chill. If it feels like 130, its not, "112 with a heat index of 130." It's 130. I don't care what they say. I don't have a wallet index. I'm not carrying around $5 but I feel like I'm carrying $400. No, i'm carrying around $5.

Now with that fresh in your minds, there are some very important safety tips that you all need to follow, especially you old sacks, and youngins'. Now pay attention, this, unlike airline safety briefings...could save your life, as well as those around you. (You don't have to use your seat cushion as a floatation device, just find the nearest fat person. They'll most likely be wearing a trucker hat.)(if any of you actually wear a trucker hat, I'm not sorry, I just really don't like those things.)

1.  Know the Signs of Heat Illness- Heat stroke occurs when the body's temperature rises too quickly, which can lead to death. Y'know, that thing that Keith Richards keeps postponing. Call 911 or go to an emergency room if you or someone you know has the following symptoms:

• Hot, dry skin that's so damn leathery I wanna wrap ya around a baseball with a rubber band and stick ya under my bed to break you in. Congratulations, you look like a purse.
• Confusion, hallucinations, and disorientation (If things look even more strange than they would as an average New Yorker. This shouldn't be too hard to figure out.)
• Loss of consciousness or being unresponsive.
• Nausea or vomiting (Just avoid being in the spray zone yourself first.)
• Trouble breathing (If they sound like Darth Vader, get help. Do not call Disney. Right away that is. Call them later and tell em' how good "Andor" was.)
• Fast, strong pulse.
• Weakness and Dizziness (also side effects of a night out on the town with me.)

Also be on the look out for Heat Exhaustion, which while not as serious as Heat Exhaustion...is still very dangerous and not to be taken lightly.

2. Talk to your doctor about your risk to extreme heat. Different conditions can raise your risk-  If you're like me(and holy crap do I hope you aren't...except in this case.), you speak fairly often, with medical professionals. They, like many of us, went to school. Except they didn't fall asleep in Trigonometry...or spanish...or....well you get the point. 

They went to extra school, or as its better known, Med-School. They got that extra training that some idiots think doesn't mean anything, except that it totally does and faccebook is a liar, you really, really need to log off and listen to your damn doctor already. I'm fine, it's all good, count to ten, deep breath...

3. Air conditioning is the best way to stay safe during extreme heat-  This shouldn't be too hard for many of you. Go to Home Depot or Best Buy(They still exist, I checked.), and get yourself an A/C now if you don't have one, or if you want 3 of them, it'll help the economy.

4. If you do not have A/C, go to some place that does.- Plan to visit a family, friend, or neighbor’s home(cause who doesn't wanna mooch off a neighbor and their pool.) or find a free public place such as a coffee shop, mall, library(I especially recommend there, it's like the internet minus the porn or ad's.), or public atrium you can spend time in during the day.

5. Extreme heat can cause power outages. Plan on it.- If you're lucky enough to live in NYC, like me, you're also unlucky enough to have to deal with Con-Edison as your "power supplier." In the very likely case the power goes out, because, lets face it, it'll happen(you remember what happened in 1984 when they shut off the protection gird in lower Manhattan??)...Have supplies on hand. Notify your utility provider immediately. 

Now, if(when) the power fails, remember this, electricity is the only thing separating us from the animals. If the power goes out, it'll be like someone threw open the gates of hell. 

Your precious cell-phone(yes that device you're using to read this now is actually a phone! I know!!)will likely need all the battery it has, because who knows when the power will come back? Seriously, we could maybe be powerless for a few days. Here are some other important things to remember:

• Conserve to prevent power outages. Set your air conditioner thermostat no lower than 78 degrees. (we all know you're a rebel though, and will likely set it at 77. Go you. Being bold and all.)
• Use the air conditioner when you are home. If you want to cool your home before you return, set a timer that turns on no earlier than 30 minutes before you arrive. (again, you're a rebel. Set that timer for 29 mins. Danger, we got ourselves a real rockstar here.)
• Turn off nonessential appliances. This includes the phone charger charger and your electric fly swatter.
• Have emergency supplies on hand in case of an outage. If you lose power, notify your utility provider immediately, 1-800-75-ConEd (752-6633) 
• Disconnect or turn off all appliances that will go on automatically when service is restored. If several appliances start up at once, they may overload electrical circuits and ruin your victory. Remember what over-confidence did in Star Wars. 

       5A. Conserve Water!- In the event of a power failure, take shorter showers, or shower with a                    friend. Or fill the tub only halfway and save water. Or just don't bathe and enjoy smelling like a                swamp for days on end. Also;

• Don't run the tap while shaving, washing your hands or brushing your teeth.
• Fix leaks. Leaky faucets alone can waste 15 to 20 gallons each day. It's called a wrench, its not that hard to learn how to use it, hell the cavemen did it, and they were stupid, just like the Geico commercials told us. Commercials never lie. Hey, why does this Burger King Whopper look like a gray hockey puck??
• Run the dishwasher and washing machine only when full, or use short cycles if available, you don't need a full load for your "who farted?" t-shirt.
• Don't use the toilet as a wastebasket. If you do this, you're disgusting any way, but keep in mind each unnecessary flush can waste two to five gallons of water.
• Install water-saving fixtures including showerheads and faucet aerators if you can, even though it's kinda late now, but I understand. You were buying me a birthday gift.

     5B. Put together A Food Emergency Supply Kit Before Resorting to Human Sacrifice- 

        It should have  enough supplies for up to seven days.

• Buy foods that can be eaten with little or no cooking, Trail mix and beef jerky are your friends here. Do you protein, bro?
• Keep food in the driest and coolest spot in your home, like your bedroom. Ohhh!!!!
• Close food boxes and seal cans tightly after use. No one wants to lose salsa.
• Wrap bread(especially Italian), cookies(which really make you look fat, so give them to me.), or crackers in plastic bags or keep them in tightly closed containers.
• Use plastic containers when storing food and buy emergency food in cans, because if there's one thing we've all learned these past few years, plastic is the safest way to anything.
• Store one gallon of water for each person per day.
• Listen to Mr. Freeze & make extra ice. Remember, "The Ice Man Cometh," ...the audience goeth. 
• Keep emergency meal preparation supplies on hand, including:
• Disposable plates, forks, spoons and knives, again, have as much plastic as you can. Just enormous amounts of the stuff.
• Paper napkins or towels, because walking around with BBQ sauce on your face is gross.
• Manual can opener, or just, y'know, smack it with a rock,
• Heavy-duty aluminum foil. Not that light duty crap. Enough to make a hat with. The lizard people are coming. Best protect yourself.
• Sandwich or freezer bags for food storage.
• Cooler and freezer packs. Make it look like Hoth. 
• If your electrical power is cut off, food in your refrigerator and freezer will spoil. Keep your refrigerator and freezer doors closed as much as possible because no one wants to have their house smell like a rancid butcher or the inside of a Tauntaun.
• Use the perishable food in the refrigerator and freezer first. Steak and Ice Cream for breakfast?!?! It's like college all over again, but without the 6am economics of Cambodia course!
• Another example of food to have does include M&M's. Time to test that slogan, "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.(Which I can also say does not work as a pick-up line.)

6. Check on people with disabilities and access and functional needs.- In my "Hurricane - Don't Die Tips" last updated years ago, I stressed on checking on your grandparents, but now I should also amend that to include your parents. They helped you become the lovable lunatic you are, so check in on them, and on people with disabilities and those with functional needs. 

Heat impacts are also more likely to be experienced among Infants and children, so for those of you who have younglings(keep away from newly appointed Sith lords.) Babies & children up to 4 years old are more sensitive to heat. Make sure infants & children stay cool and have enough to drink. Watch for signs they may be getting sick from the heat. 

       6A. Never Leave Children Or Pets Alone In A Vehicle- Even for a minute. Ever. EVER. If it's 107 outside, it's gonna be at least 140 inside that car in 3 mins or less, so friggin check, recheck and do it again. If you see that anyone has done this, you, all joking aside, have every right to break a window and get the kid or pet to safety.

Pregnant people are also very sensitive to heat. An increase in body temperature may bring on labor, preterm birth or lower birth weight. Those who are pregnant should stay in a cool place, drink fluids and take it easy when it’s hot. Also, Outdoor Workers...just don't. It's not worth your life or families lives. We can wait on getting the siding done. People who work outside are also at risk during very hot weather. Water, rest and keeping cool can help workers stay safe. Some other tips:

• Wear light, loose-fitting clothes, or if you're like me, go with your birthday suit.
• Put a hat on to protect your face and head. Just not a trucker hat. We already know how I feel about those.
• Use sunscreen with SPF 15 or higher, and y'know what, get a sunscreen that has as few ingredients as possible. If it has more than 3 words you can't pronounce without using Google, put it back on the shelf.
• Limit outdoor activities to early morning and late evening hours. 1PM is the exact wrong time to go for a 5 mile run. Chris.
• The sun’s rays are the strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., and the temperature is highest between 3 to 6 p.m. on most days. This is the time to bake cookies in your car.
• An area with a natural surface such as grass, dirt or sand will be cooler than one with an asphalt or other impermeable (human-made) surface, which can increase temperatures and retain heat into the evening. Yes, this is the time to roll around in dirt and not listen to your parents.

7. Hydrate- This should be a no-brainer. Even if you're not thirsty. It'll help later. Water, Gatorade(Might I suggest Green Apple?)Do not have soda, coffee or booze(and i'm not just saying that because I don't drink. It is proven that stuff will actually make you more thirsty.)

Some more fun stats for you:

Highest Temperature Ever Recorded in NYC: 106 on July 9, 1936, a year i'm sure we all remember.

Most 100 Degree days in one year: 4 (1966 and 1953)

Most consecutive 100 degree days: 3 July 8-10, 1993 & August 26-28, 1948...hey, I was actually alive for one of those stretches...I think I was at the Jersey Shore

Last time had 100 degree day in August: the 9th in 2001 (103)

Last time had 100 degree day in July: the 18th in 2012 (100)

Last time had 100 degree day in June: the 27th in 1966 (101)