Return Zero

    It started innocently enough. Replying to an online ad about a temporary-one weekend job working at New York Comic Con. It was a, "meh" job at first, one I hadn't planned on expanding upon. 

Still, I applied for it again next year and began and incredible journey that ended Sunday night, October 12th, 2025, after 15 years of walking the halls of convention centers from New York City to Chicago.

Time, and mainly my body, dictated it for me. I'd like to continue, but going into this year, i'd told myself, and been told by many others, to, "listen to your body."

Well, mid-way through Sunday's shift, my body had made its decision, and with mass amounts of pain, I came to the conclusion that I simply cannot do it anymore.

For years now, as my Parkinson's symptoms increased, i'd push through them and soldier on, trying to set an example for my fellow con crew, most notable the newer, younger ones, who, at times, showed a lackadaisical, careless approach to the job. I wanted to show them that sometimes you have to work through the pain.

Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but it was still work. Work I took seriously. Whether it be corralling a line of hundreds, eager to see Chris Evans, or helping direct a lost con-goer to the right booth for that toy they were looking for. I tried, and hopefully succeeded in doing the job, and doing it well. 

I'll always wonder what happened to that guy and his friend in the wheelchair. I wonder if the friend ever got better.

What I didn't expect at first was the ever growing family of friends i'd develop from all of this. People who would shape my life in so many different ways. The staff leads that i'd work under, and eventually become one of, offered me guidance and encouragement that I still utilize. 

The kid from the west coast who lives the life of a roadie, all pretty much in NYC. Her affinity for cat-sitting is matched only by warmth and kindness she has for her friends. Fiercely loyal, she has talked me off many a proverbial ledge, and her friendship has been one of the few constants that has endured throughout the years. her boisterous laugh is eclipsed only sometimes by her Squee of excitement.

The man who took me under his wing and helped form me into a seasoned, well trained veteran is one who simply doesn't know what the word, "rest," means. This guy who, at least in our sector of the universe, coined the term, "Con-Life." This man gives with no thought of reward other than to see the smile that comes with one of his much-loved bear hugs. He instantly makes the energy level go up. You want to work for simply because you feed off his happiness.

The man from the bellows of New Jersey who says some of the most uncouth things, and follows it up with something so eloquent and from the heart that it will make your head spin. Despite his often dark attire, his positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine.

The "Crew-Mom" from Queens who isn't afraid to call out others on their nefarious ways, but has the heart and soul of of a dove, and yes, that is a bird watching pun.

There's the, "Salty-Cow," who once trudged through Lower Manhattan for hours with me just to get a good photo. I still remember how good that gelato tasted. Her legs often feel the aches and pains associated with her love of soccer, yet she still uses them to walk the halls of cons nationwide.

The guy who gave up all sense of sanity to drive to and from Chicago with me, and loves baseball probably more than a roomful Yogi Berra impersonators. You shall forever more be known as, "No-Photos Guy."

The man I nicknamed "Hightower," after a "Police Academy character. His broad shoulders are outweighed by his massive capacity for empathy. He like me often, "threatened retirement." I only hope he finds as much peace as he seeks.

And to the one who visited me in the hospital, which while not my sole memory of, one of the most notable...aside from her effervescent, always smiling attitude, she lights up every room she's in, and she just married her ultimate match. May your days from here on out be filled with happiness.

To the snack queen who always made sure we were fed, and always made movie night...or day...a extra special treat.

The crazed theater girl from Long Island, whose sometimes manic energy is something I wish I had in me. Despite us being equal in age, she has the stamina of a 10 year old on a sugar rush.

Then we have the girl from Washington D.C. Yes, that one. She would be the one who drove me mad in both good ways and bad. Never vanilla, never boring, always keeping me on my toes. I didn't think I truly knew what, "Chaotic Good." meant till I met you. I'll never look at an oscilloscope the same way ever again...and wherever you are, I hope the Quinoa is palatable.

So many people, so many faces.

From Chicago, a man of such passion and goodness, yet so humble he simply can't realize how much good he brings into the world, and when he tells a story, everyone stops and listens, and not simply because his accent is like butter, but because deep care he has when he tells it.

Another Chicagoan who, at first, I had a completely different opinion of, and showed me, very fast, that people are not always who you think they are, and that is a good and powerful thing, and even though, i'm not his first favorite Jedi anymore, i'll always be his favorite voice on the radio, K.

While on the topic of friends from the midwest, I shouldn't leave out the girl who brought me donuts, smiles and the infamous, "list of good and bad people." 

The crazed cat owner who supplied for the feline family by driving an Uber and deeply enjoying New York Pizza, despite hailing from the Second City.

The list is seemingly endless, of those who have come into and out of my life during this time.

There were the guys from New England, who, like a pair of overly zealous bouncers, enjoyed being in the thick of a massive crowd of angry, frothing geeks.   

The one who was among the first to learn of my diagnosis, yet pushed me to do a challenge that, while it didn't end exactly the way I wanted it, led me on another path to meeting some of the most important people in my life. I don't think she realizes what good she did.

The one boss who became a friend that expanded my skills as a photographer all in one epic year. Now retreated into the gardens of Connecticut to a simpler life of family. I hope the coffee sleeve collection is still going strong.

My second "Con-mom," who probably doesn't know how much a simple phone call meant to me, and the one who had the best exit, complete with a crew shirt that saw many a signature. I'm still waiting for that radio story.

To The guy who gave me power, despite barely knowing what I could have done with it, and trusted the keys to a crazy guy from Staten Island.

The insane mad scientist in the making who loved to climb things, and never did think the lemon joke was that good.

And the girl who went from fake tanks to real tanks when she decided to fly helicopters and get shot at instead of discus who would win in a fight, Batman or Wolverine?

From the guy in the hat, to the girl with the Google glasses.

From D.C. again, now in Jersey...a guy who won't let a building locking down stop him from his mission of ensuring a good time is had by all.

The other guy from Queens who would become one of the best cosplay photographers in the city.

even the person who couldn't quite make the best of final Jeopardy. 

And to the two girls from L.A., who most recently made this geeks Con-Career that much more powerful, I owe you a lot, and will not forget how much you helped me recently.

You and countless untold others will be part of some of the best years of my life. Twenty Two years ago, I swore i'd never pick up a comic book or watch a geeky movie ever again. This a result of having something I held dear ripped away from me. The scars of that year still fresh. But like all scars do, they healed, and though their memory still lasts, I became a stronger person from it. 

When I returned to the geek life, as I call it, I entered the water like a frightened child. Once a 3 foot deep swimming pool, geek culture had massively expanded into a bottomless ocean, one in which i'd need more than a canoe to navigate. 

When I started working Cons, I again felt like a small fish in a giant sea, but this time, a community had helped me grow and I am forever thankful for it. I look back at those exciting few minutes before the doors would roll up, and the thousands entered the halls, as us being the Knights of King Arthurs court. We were in Camelot. A place where heroes go before fighting evil. And even though we weren't fighting evil, we at times, fighting an epic battle.

While to some it may seem silly...to be this bent up over a job that consisted of maybe up to 15 days a year. You don't understand what it truly means to share the field of battle with some of the greatest people you will ever meet. 

It was Zach Braff's character J.D. from the show, "Scrubs," who once said, "Endings are never easy. I guess I build them up in my head so much they can't possibly live up to my expectation and I just end up disappointed. I'm nto even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here. I guess its because we wanna believe what we do is very important. That people hang on your every word, that they care what you think. The truth is you should consider yourself lucky if you get to make someone, anyone - feel a little better...and even though it felt warm, and safe...I knew it had to end."

I am incredibly sad that this had to end. I'm tearing up as I write this...but I am so, so, so happy I got the chance to live it.